Just shield me from the consequences, feelings, bitter opinions of the roaring audience. Opinions are only opinions until they take form into a rolling ball knocking down all others. Then they are a destruction. Bulging eyes and red cheeks~ you don't have to get so mad. Fires are not supposed to flood our bodies, and I know you want to feel alright. So let us all believe what we want without hurting others

...But you can never be certain

This world is so hard for certain people. Like a sewer inching your way, the same sewer you pretended to push me in, the same sewer I imagined one day falling while riding my bike, and eventually I did. I fell but I had a gut feeling I would. My brain didn't strap down and there I lay on the ground. sprawled like a kid. Because I was. And if the only way to being happy is to be a kid, then I'd definitely hitch a ride on the Lala train. Be more protected. I'd be more protected and care about. What do we care about? I strongly dislike having wider eyes than this universe. It hurts every time I blink

have you ever felt jealous of a connection,
not a person?

..

a melody that wasn't meant for your ears

When you've seen your own devil~
everyone else seems to matter much more

I don't know you as well as I know myself
and I want you to know I want you to smile

I want you to complain about the lines around your mouth, I want you to laugh when you're older that you were so happy

laugh as so and make sure you know that those lines draw the perfect picture
abstract may it be,
but all too beautiful the same

Only one heart beat, some have two
Conjoined love
some people get good morning kisses
others just wake up to the sound of dump trucks
and neighbors kids screaming

I want to be kissed softly again
to know it wasn't just in my head
that people want to be close
people want to be close enough to kiss me

I don't want anything else right now
I'm missing a type of love
one you can only get by a certain type of someone

when a heart breaks,


recalling a moment you don't remember
subduing myself from conversation
thoughts connecting dots while laughing
with the person right in front of me

this is how it happened to me;
body literally shaking from concern
eyes taped with tears
nose glued shut

what am I gonna do
when I liked you so much
and now the sky has you
it now needs you
has met you by now,
and wont ever give you back

I swear I'll met into a puddle when I see you again <3

don't run away from the pencil
don't run away from the pencil

seeing the command written down,
scares me

writing makes me remember what I would like not to

night darkened his eyes, heightened the heights of one step down
lengthened the time of a second into decades
worried him to death

I can picture him behind the lens, noticing the small specks of dirt on the glass and rubbing it in, slowly making it worse with his thumb. Trying to help but making it worse. But that's all he knows.

We need to remember we don't know everything, and as the sun dries up our spirits, drink a glass of water. Feel it enter your throat and dance through your body.

I can picture him taking the photograph anyway. He may have seen it differently, but the picture came out spotless. Eyes that have been nestled in the belief that a smudge is a stain. A stain is something bad, you must immediately get rid of it. But I think you should just go with it.

Still-
nearly every crinkled blessing, every gift of knowledge, whose arthritis gets on their bad side from time to time and words must be repeated because they do wanna hear, it's just harder

soft hearted, but tough spirited elderly. I see quite a bold line between middle aged and elderly. It's like the sun setting into orange from red. Appreciation for being able to live. That's as simple as it is. Bills go up the wall and you live for the smaller things, watching tv. A smile always ready for a young adult or adolescent

"sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down"

hello
he said he had a great memory,
but do you think that applies to me?
Hey
he kissed the inside and out of my mouth
a closet full of fragmented words
and unfinished poems
worries and expectations
hi
he doesn't reply with meaning, he replies so I will leave him
sup
I don't think it's natural to cling onto something and you're not even a thought in his head
you ask yourself- you've never been after him before
he found you..
Why am I the one storing the pain and backup of feelings?
holding tenderly what was there
and you'll never know his words verbatim running through his mind,
and if that's all I want, what do I get?

It's not improper or a waste of time
not knowing where to move
four walls and you
listening to the sensation of music,
vibrate in your lungs and allow you to exhale
a breath of freedom and peace for the moment
people tend to forget about now and don't wanna try

for once I can write while listening to music,
I think it's because I'm finally letting people in

this isn't really an interesting poem

the grip I must feel to have the wheel
to truly have it and not let it slip through the sweat and tears

tighter than where the sky meets the grass, tighter than any connection you've ever had

they shake and want to surrender any day now
but everything's so precious

I had to say goodbye to a friend because she was too much like me, too much like the thoughts that could **** me

an illness that mocks me in my sleep,
repeatedly choosing for me

faking a sense of control that only allows me to pretend
I'm not too grown up for this

the cruelties don't go over my head
they swoop and land

cutting me in deeper
drowning me in my own tears

lifting me up and drifting me away

and yet I remain to wander

eyes soaked in day-old makeup,
hands numb from sleeping on them too long,
hair with enough grease to shine a car,
picking at my head, just to see it snow
in the fall when everyone goes back to school
in the autumn where children learn apostrophes
and commas and semi colons
when they learn being creative is breaking the rules
and rule breakers often go to jail, or even prison
I remember hearing the sound of crackers clanking
and smashing around in my mouth when I was
around 4 years old
I couldn't understand why I heard such loud sounds
and wondered if anyone else heard me?
I still wonder if anyone hears me
that the words don't just go through the optic nerve,
but they travel to the heart sooner

Today I ordered hot coffee just to let it grow cold
I climbed into my clothes and walked around in them
something felt odd, something felt different

the coolness racing down my throat
it still tasted like coffee-
but not as good

but these things have never annoyed me
have never made me want to get angry

love is so much of a better feeling
it tingles and mingles around in your body
hugs every loose end tight
makes you feel safe in your own skin-
love can do a lot

I can depend on the wind to keep me moving
the air to keep me living
the grass to allow me to have a presence

I no longer fear what's ahead because what's in me now
has no count down
it's permanent while it exists
and temporary pain gets flushed out

Yes, today I ordered coffee
and funnily enough, I let it grow cold

I'm young
not younger than the sun
but young enough to know you don't have to grow old

Don’t assume today will be tomorrow
That the present is the past
Or that people can’t see you when you’re hiding

They see you when you’re hiding
Like the nails pierced so far through your wall,
They are hard to let go of and so hard to get back
Impossible creates a body and hovers over your every move

Acts like it can comfort you
Acts like it knows you

When in reality it doesn’t know you like comfort
Doesn’t know you stay between the walls of familiarity
And only talk to similarity

When you find escape
of stretched out fields
And rows of corn, long and reminiscent

Relaxation strikes and you feel good
It’s when the eyes are burning through your back
That you don’t like
It’s the wind’s harsh voice, when it nests in your stomach that you
Can’t take
The vibration of screaming and wrongdoing that keeps you up
The reason you move is the cloud of hope,
The bubble of hope that grows bigger and takes so little to burst

That only some still enjoy today
Blowing bubbles

Sometimes losing control is the most beautiful thing

And when the lights lose their shine and the moon doesn't act like itself

We are inclined to believe
That a whirlpool of emotion
Is just steam
Just bubbles rising and popping

we aren't together but we're not separated

You're still hanging on in the binding of my story

writing  and   it    feels     like      we're       spacing        apart

Until you've been through thick and thin with someone-
Experienced storm after storm
But was there for the sunny days
Has never fully given up, has loved without looking back
I love you

I do

Because I wouldn't be so worried to lose you

Do you ever not know what you're feeling

A gust of wind laying to rest any sin

But you're latching onto something

Something so real but something so unimaginable

You wanna understand but how far do you travel?

Do you rip your heart apart just to understand

Split your mind in half because you can't take it all in

Not today will I stand to fall back down. I’ll begin to swell my eyes into bodies of water that no one really knows what’s underneath. I won't reply to your text, because you do that to me. Leave me on read as if I’m a book from your childhood that you forgot even existed. You’re waiting. For a response I’m guessing. But I can’t respond. I just write because I can see what’s happening to me instead of just feeling it. I really really like you, this is the longest, first true relationship I’ve ever been in. This time I’ll leave you on read. You can have a dose of what the silent treatment is. Am I first on your priority list? I say this because I know you hang out with your guy friends and never have time for me. I can’t lie to myself because I want this relationship to be my final. I have to know what my heart feels and you say you have to clean up the mess you made. How big of a mess did you make?? And does it take you all day? I knew coming into this it hurts either way. But for god sakes I don’t want it to end this way. I’m not giving up, letting go of the rope of uncertainty. Because with what you’ve said it seems like you like me a lot. A lot a lot. I know there are things you have to do. Like, your dad’s home so I can’t come over. What were you planning? I love your kisses and intimate moments, but is that all you like about me? I’m upset and angry because it makes me feel better. That I can depend on myself more than anyone else. You work everyday and are completely unemployed from my life. I want to work on this, but I know you’ll never read this, as will anyone else. That’s not the point of writing this. I just wanted to, without words, tell him how I felt. Excuse after excuse, I’m starting to expect a “no.” But I can’t stat waiting-I have to keep going. We’re already treading on water and the age difference doesn’t help. My dad already doesn’t the relationship, and maybe he is too immature. He’s going to be a sophomore in high school and I just graduated high school. He still has a lot of memories to make.

It's not supposed to happen like this
I heard it was a lie that if a dime hit you in the right place,
You'll eventually die

And I heard that loving bad boys,
Boys with an edge

would make you a criminal,
A bad habit
A low life desperate

But I erase all of those contagious thoughts to the side when his eyes meet mine He stares a little longer and it becomes a little odder, and I don't know why I like that. But I do

If you think he's a "bad" boy, you shouldn't rule him out. You don't need to follow in his steps, just to love him to death

deforestation; what is now occurring in the habitat I call home. Does my body dislike me? Does it have its secrets and tells the world. I want to be the penny that drops in the middle of a deadly quiet class. I want to be the  rat, who is so awfully hated, that they have now made traps. I want myself to pay attention to me. I think that is something in which we all believe. My friends are the world, along with me and my beautiful family. Sometimes I don't feel the support but I suppose I'm not made of spaghetti. Plastered in some kids bowl, tangling me up like he knows what he likes and being so helpless...but I'm so happy I have support.

and my head surrenders

take my knife
that I so willingly abandon

take my armor
that I misuse;
never for protection

attempt layered on attempts
to steal my most prized possession..

but I may be standing in a battlefield
with my hands across my chest

It's not my life that is this see saw of emotional imbalance-
it's my day, maybe even tomorrow

but not forever

A vastness of space to breathe beautiful words of love
I synthesize still with the  moon
How far away I look;
because I am

How tender and poetic, leaving footprints
I have been claimed by this world as fodder
I've been disowned by her
she doesn't want me as her daughter

Until I stop searching for myself standing in a spacious pasture
letting myself wander without a care taker

have you ever welcomed danger and hurt and it infested inside of your open sores and migrated every month with a new crew of thoughts who didn't love you. allowed with open arms worries, you raised them with hope and aspiration that their future would be engaging and beautiful and as wonderful as every last wish of a newly wed's mother.

No, I haven't either.

healthy minds must go through tragedy too-
it's not that whatever we do,

we set fire to what becomes loose,
we get through it

we know it must happen to feel happy

can you just simply forget
How to do the things that made you live
you let all fall that are gifted in grace, let them hesitate with an insecure skip
dismay catapults while grey shadows
your previously bubbling take

in a world where the greater population believe in Jesus more than themselves

my second mouth doesn't have to say a word yet it’s heard louder than words themselves. they leave the scene when they see the obscene face I inherited from my folks. the same kids who are so called into reading, couldn’t tell I was broke.

We cry that we are alive, they cry that we’ve died.

Right here in this moment. I’d like to be sealed. An envelope for a future generation, to exhibit how great life really feels

right here in this moment. I'd like to be forgotten. A ripped piece of paper, thrown away, left in the closet.

And you started trailing
leaving me behind

and I am known for failing
so I knew the cue to cry

my dad taught me to never go half way
well I tried to love you fully

but the thing about loving fully
is that sometimes if things are tough

you get washed up

buried alive in the debris of love

“If you ever need to sit by a fire, I’ll be the warmth flying about.”

k.m

DOES YOUR MOTHER TAKE LONG WALKS FOR HOURS TRYING TO COMPREHENDED WHY YOUR LUNGS DON'T SHOUT MUSIC?

DOES SHE CRY REFUSELY WITHOUT EXPLAINING THAT YOU'RE THE PAIN?

SHE'S YOUR MOTHER, SO LOVE HER.

SHE MAY NOT KNOW EVERYTHING, BUT SHE MADE YOUR EVERYTHING

The boys are birds. flocking towards the prey, girls. The ones who wade get captured first, though the ones who lie deep in the waters, are never heard.

The girl who couldn’t flirt, stood in the center of the hall.promising smile, style of them all. she talked, don’t get me wrong.but talking is only something,
if he’s  tall, and has reportedly *****
Desperately did she wanna speak. But every peep that she let leak, she said was weak. Because they rarely replied, and she’d get this pain inside. irritable, not friendly at all. Marriage isn’t even an option, when sophomore year she’s already coughing.

Does your head feel it physically.. the lack of breathing from thoughts that rise and fall over the ***? Do your hands feel unused, marks from the pencil that you used in school? Does your heart never get visitors, because the people that have tried have died from the change in weather.

The illness started from your head, to your toes.
You are now dead, and we are foes.

If I wrote you a poem
there would be a rhyme
*but where's the reason?

high and low are one
see the snow has to come from somewhere above
the ground selects a glove
and says batter I'm ready
show me all your love

I feel pretty when he's not around
it's like he's a stonewall
falling on my crown

You will not take me alive for I am too powerful.**

You will take me dead, because you are a coward.

I tried telling myself the black smudges around my eyes were decorations only to attract a guy. That the dark purple veins that were reaching to grab a hold of my rough terrain were a symbol of strength and love. And I tried telling myself that telling the truth might actually save me from the fires of Hell.

*the fire is raging, and so are my tall tales

when you do things for fame..
you don't become happy anymore
because the things that made you happy before
are now in a cold storage
because you're acting like you can morph emotion

whose to say he wasn't looking at you when you were looking away?
but whose to say he ever looks your way

A girl once pretended to be nice
she wrote it down to describe herself
yet the only people she talked to
were her friends

*A boy once pretended to like her
he told all his friends'
yet the only people he told
were his friends

In his eyes, I see what I feel inside but he has an excuse. In his eyes, I see a world shattered by negligence and abuse. In his eyes I see a tipping ***, hot and enraged. In his eyes, I see a boy, wanting to unleash himself from his cage.

In his eyes I see me
I see my locked up thoughts
my hidden apologies

my brains own starvation
the dirt in his eyes
I have, only in disguise.