Little smile
Written on a sheet of notebook paper
Guitar strings
Plucked by a boy who's midnight hair masks his true personality

Shy kid of 17
No visible emotions just strings
Guitar strings

You look at him with broken promises from past lovers tattooed to your pupils
While the only thing made permanent in his are music notes
And though those are there for you too
The cons outweigh the pros

An open mic night
Who could've guessed that what I was planning on as
"just another open mic"
might have turned into this

But things don't always go as planned
For me they almost never do
And while I usually try to view the glass as as full
More times than not things turn out the opposite way
Leaving me...
Half empty

So think of this poem as your warning
I know more than anyone that sometimes it may seem like my baggage is deemed too heavy to carry
And if it appears to be too much for you
Just do me a favor and let me know before I unpack into your space

Guitar strings caught my attention
Loose threads on the sweater of my unraveling attention span

Take a chance
Take the plunge
Let yourself fall into a new romance
Don't think
Just.. Do.

Note to stranger:

Don't let her long eyelashes fool you
Stemming off from eyelids filled with promise
Pupils composed of green and brown paint
Mixed and made permanent by the look on her face when you ask her what love means to her

Because to her
Love is an antique promise
Tic Tac Toed into her shoulder blades
Another lost game

Lonely is made apparent by the reveal of her hipbones
Sticking out from the belt loops on the waistband of her dreams
Her clothes become looser

She is welcomed by friends to parties that she refuses to go to
Because even in a room of people
The only emotion she is capable of feeling
REALLY feeling
Is lonely

And you may argue that lonely is not an emotion
But a state of being
But when she truly feels it
Lonely becomes both

Discolored tulips growing for a flowerpot of unfertilized dirt
Masked by a smile that could fool anyone
Even her own father
Sometimes even herself

Mascara stained floor tile
Quick change scenes
Equivalent to her multiple personalities
Sad happy sad happy
Sad...

She is capable of being both sad and happy
She is introverted AND extroverted
She is 5 million different people
Sometimes wishing she could narrow herself down to just one
She is ME

Much love Darling,
But not no love for me Darling

Ignorance can sometimes take over the population of our young people
Like one time a girl asked me
"How the hell does a girl get ***** when she's there too?
How could she let that happen to herself?"

And I responded
Darling
it's not always so easy
Some people like to think that if they were put in a position of ****
That they would be able to push the guy off of them
Punch him in the crotch
But what if the man is stronger than you?
Would you expect him to listen when you repeat

"No.. Stop"
"No.. STOP"
"NO STOP"
Over and over again

But he will not listen
He will instead
****** until there is nothing left of you to ****** at
He will grab your arm
Or pull your hair
Until you no longer care
Because this is the norm' for you now

What happens when your ****** is someone you know?
Someone you love?

When you were younger an told tales of ****
You imagined being grabbed by someone you don't know
A complete stranger
You imagined yourself screaming and hollering at the scene of the crime
But people won't always hear your protests

Much love, Darling
But no no love for me Darling

No love just *** on his end
But you don't completely realize that's all it was
until it IS the end

Oh, you want to be friends still?
Why would someone ever want to be friends with a thief of virginity
You took something all the screams in the world could never get back

You bottle it up for weeks
Months
Before you let someone know you tell your mother
She says
"Darling,
Being a ****** is overrated"

She still loves you
Doesn't judge you
Dear God, Dear God
How did you bless this Earth with such an angel?
She stands on holy ground
While your ****** is the constant flame that surrounds purgatory
Literal Hell on Earth

Darling don't blame it on yourself
Because no angel
No angel
Could ever be capable of committing a crime so hellish
Your are an angel,
Darling

Much love darling,
But not no love for me
Darling

I'm staring to think there's a pattern
For the manner in which my eyes change color
How in the sunshine they are a vibrant starburst of green
And in the moonlight
They become overcast like the night skies

When they are green
Know that I am feeling one of two things
One being passionate and eager
Excited about a new day
A new beginning

Two
Know that I am hurt
For instance when you broke up with me
I counted and my eyes were green for eight consecutive days

Or like that time when I scratched my eye on accident
And tears streamed from my face
My eyes were green like the ivy that grows outside my house in the Spring
The moss that grows on the rocks in the creek
Shading them a dark mixture of dark green and gray
You would slip if you tried to climb on them
You could break a bone
Or your heart

But then again my eyes are always green when I cry
And they are only getting greener
More and more vibrant each day

And not ever notices it
But you did
And that's why I think it might be so hard to forget you

Double negatives
Triple positives
Tattoo artist
But hey at least he still prays
Bible so strong it stings me sometimes

Mosquito bites
Stingers
Just hungry for blood
Sinners
Ain't hungry for nothin' but love

Dear God
Oh God Almighty
Teach me the reason for why
Gays sit on bleachers
But sacrilegious straight people
Become preachers

That boy ain't evil
He just wants to be accepted
But doesn't expect he'll ever get respect
So instead he accepts that liking boys is WRONG

Certain straight people act like their marriage is at stake
Eating steak off their plates
At the empty table of their passionless partnership

Gay is real
It ain't no trend

Closed curtains
Closeted hallways

Judging something you can't feel is wrong
So how can you judge those who are in love for all the right reasons
While right wing it and act like religion is the real reason

Do not destroy those who could never find it in their hearts to hurt you back

Love is love
So leave it alone

Snow sits on the branches of dead trees like it's meant to be there
And it just sits but
It works
No one questions it

We talked to each other on the phone for 5 hours straight without running out of conversation

A lot like last Friday night when not so sober dialogue brought true feelings to the surface
And I had to swim through it to get to you
But that was alright
Because I'm a **** good swimmer

But even your words spit out of you like poetry when you speak about God or lack thereof
And I just wish that I could unravel into you like a deity of the heart

But let's not get too attached
Right?

What happens when what starts as talking about your wildest dreams to your best friend turns into ballsy conversation that is long overdue

You've always been better than me at poetry and saying what you really wanna say

Words fall out of you on cue catching me off guard without even having to think about it

Well what if I told you that last weekend I felt euphoric for a while
And euphoria did a lot for me
Euphoria inspired me
And euphoria took me to work without complaints
And euphoria fed me only what I wanted to eat
Only the richest of cuisines
Because you make me feel
Nothing less than euphoric

I find it funny that you think I'm intelligent
Like how
Nothing gets by me
And when you say things just know
That I'm an analyst
And you better bet I'll scrape out a double meaning that might not be there

But for now
The snow will continue to fall
And as those crystals sit silently on the trees
I will continue to fall
Continue to feel
Euphoric

Does she have a better body than me

Did our seemingly overlapping timelines take wind of your sanity and blow you back to her being

Is her smile prettier than mine

Are you more entranced by the mystery that seemed to exist all those states away
Was it more exciting to have a double life and steal my virginity
And probably hers to

Did you tell her that you love her on the same day you told me

And did the gravity of the moon pull you more towards her

Did you have the luck of the stars on your side too

And What became of you that you could take risks for her and not me

That you could drive 3 states up the coast for her but not 3 miles across town for me

Even though
When you broke my heart
I had to tape it up 3 times before it was almost back together

I refuse to believe that you ever wanted anything more than *** from me
You didn't love me

And with the wind
I will take all our photographs and memories that still lie in my head
Let it sweep them up

And put end to whatever "us" was
To whatever "we" were

Did you let the summer storms do the work for you in helping you sweep her off her feet

Or did you just consider me
Summer rain

New Years resolutions
They don't really resolve much
I have learned this first-hand
Year after year
Time after time
Nothing to collect but disappointment

A new year comes
I look at my list
I have accomplished
Absolutely nothing