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Sometimes I miss you.
I remember the times you made me as happy as I could be,
then I miss you.
I remember the drive you gave me,
the motivation,
the edge,
and then I miss you.
I remember others trying to bring you down,
and the way you quickly got up again.
Or the times you fought through
the toughest moments in your life
with courage and determination.
You were truly an inspiration,
and I miss you.
The pain that you went through,
and yet you pushed through,
without an issue.
I miss you.
And now I'm down,
not getting any younger,
and feel miserable.
Where are you now,
When I really need you,
To see me through,
and be you.
I miss me,
I miss the strong,
fearless,
determined,
Me.
I miss the days I loved
who I used to see,
in my reflection,
without rejection,
I miss the me
who used to be.
 Jan 2015 Joseph Sinclair
Noah
Today was the first time I put on makeup in six days,
flinching as I anticipated the usual sting of misplaced liner.
I have to look good, though. After all,
how else do I make up for nearly a week of anesthesia?
There's nothing else i can do.

I lie on my back on dulled blue flannel
whispering a Hail Mary, one of many this week
and think of all the pointless, trivial things we shared.
You used to tell me that I was always brushing my teeth, and I smiled each time,
laughing through mouthfuls of blood and self-preservation.
How was your week? What's the weather like there? Are you thrilled for tomorrow? Do you remember what it felt like to fall asleep hearing me on the other side of the line?

I wanted to draw today, but notes on my clipboard were everywhere,
surrounding a graphite picture of Lisbeth Salander like a halo.
Notes to you, of course, all of them.
You used to say you liked my lips,
covering your own mouth
so I couldn't see your beautiful, dripping, two toned words.


My to-do list is filled with broken promises and shards of glass, but I swear,
I'll get around to it all some day.
"Cradle my emotions in the gentlest of whispers"* ~~ *Ryn



Hold me
Tenderly
Make me feel something
Be gentle with me
I've been hurt lately
Despair courses through me
Depression
Regret, guilt
Can you help me?
Don't just tell me
What I want to hear
Tell me what you really feel
Take away the fears
Don't scream
Tell me softly
Whisper in my ear
The beautiful things
I need to hear
Make me feel something
Cause lately
All I've felt is...





Absolutely nothing
Quoted line from "Don't Wake Me" by Ryn, for Frank's "Let's Do A Line!" challenge.
This line truly spoke to me, so soulful, sad and wistful, basically how I've been feeling of late. Thank You Ryn for the inspiration, you're amazing.
The year was nineteen forty six, the memories still raw,
Europe’s Jews were still encamped as they had been before.
True, they now had food to eat and decent clothes to wear,
But in that Displaced Persons camp, little else to spare.

When Lilly told her fiancé about her dream one night;
her standing beneath the chuppah in a flowing gown of white,
Ludwig promised Lilly that her vision would come true,
but in a displaced person’s camp that might be hard to do.

A former Luftwaffe pilot proved an angel in disguise;
Ludwig traded, for his parachute, some coffee and supplies.
Miriam, the seamstress, swore to do her best
to fashion the silk parachute into a wedding dress.

Some miles from Bergen Belsen lies the little town of Celle
Its desecrated synagogue would serve the couple well.
They made an Aron Kodesh from a kitchen cabinet
A Rabbi, flown from England, would officiate their fete.


Lilly’s gown was beautiful, the bride felt like a Queen
Within the battered synagogue, her wedding matched her dream.
Miriam’s creation would be worn by many more;
Girls from camp made brides in white that year after the war.

The Gown’s in a museum now, the bride now old and gray.
She lives nearby in Brooklyn in a house down by the bay.
Her lovely great granddaughter, her loving heart’s delight,
now has the dream of being wed in a gown of flowing white.
Lilly's gown is now in the Holocaust museum in Washington, D.C.
Just like I can be ***** if you want me too
Rip my clothes off
Who the ****'d stop you?

Was I asking?
Was I begging?
Did my knees look
so beguiling?

Did I want you? Want your slime to
drip down my legs like
sweaty dew.
Your panting breath left to stick
to me like glue.

But **** me, I'm a feminist "*****"
**** me, I'm the ugliest "bore"
**** me, and my empty sense of humour
**** me, I'm society's 'tumor'.

Because I'm stupid when I write.
I'm nonsensical when I fight against
illiterate vowels. Stop struggling they
yell as I bite into their arm give them hell

Sound the alarm
I've found Society's cyst.

Apparently the enemy does not exist
Pessimistic, narcissistic, neurotic and
paranoid *****

she's probably a ****** witch

I can be all those things if I have to.
I can be all those things if I want to.
The point is that I have a choice

I would tear a **** off with my teeth
before I give up my right to a
voice

Don't generalise me.


I was meaning to have a looking back poem as my 200th but I guess it'll have to wait a bit :P Got angry at the world.
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