walking down the street
i let her infront of me
so i can gaze at her without her noticing
so i could check her out in a unique way
not looking at her *** but looking at her figure
looking and the way her clothes hang off her shoulders and hips
the way her hair swings from one side to the other
the way her eyes sparkle when she looks back at me to make sure im still here
shes beautiful in more ways then one
more beautiful then the ocean or the sun
because i see the sun everyday and nothing is different
but i fall in love with something different about her
     every time
                we're together

"what keep you awake at night" she asked

"the sound of the wind blowing through the cracks of the house
the sound of my dogs nails on the hardwood floors
the feeling that one day everything that i work toward will be forgotten because of a disease called Alzheimer's"

i want to go out Christmas eve
have diner just you and me
then come back home and make love on the couch
next to the tree
all the lights off except the ones on the tree
end up falling asleep
waking up to sun beams shining across our faces
you stay laying while i grab something to drink
loving each other for the whole day
kissing each other on the cheeks

drenched
cold rain dripping down my head
splashing on my cold flesh
playing basket ball with my old friend
every shot i take goes in
every miss i make i laugh at
i think my friend would laugh back
but he got shot in the back
my basketball games are all in my head
but I'd rather pretend then realize that my only friend is dead

sometimes i think i cant be happy again
when i see someone I"m attracted to i think it'll never happen
that I"m not good enough, that i don't have the brains
that she wont like me for who i am
so i get ashamed
ashamed of myself and the person i became
even thought i have a job and i graduated
but before you left you filled my head with all this hate
hate that will never escape my brain

now i have trust issues because of you
my own mind wont leave me alone
its tearing me apart limb from limb
bone to bone
now every day I"m home in my room looking at my phone waiting for something that i know wont ever come
an apology from the person who made me think I'm better off 6 feet deep in the ground

sometimes i try
to put my feelings aside and help people in need
for people i like
i'll stay up late nights
ill make sure you're fine
I'll tell you the truth before the positive side
so you know that it'll **** before its okay
and all that ill ask in return is that you stay
that when you're happy and your life goes back to its normal way
you wont forget me and all i had to say
when i said i wouldn't leave and it be here everyday
you said "id like that, thank you"
im still here today
but i cant be here if you push me away
i cant care for you if you ignore my texts ever day
i want to be in your life
i just wish you felt the same way

i thought we had something more
i thought when you text me late at night it meant i wasn't just a friend anymore
i thought maybe id get the chance
to take you on a date
hold your hand
tell you that your cute every chance that i get
but when i told you how i felt you didn't say what i expected
you said in  your eyes we were just friends
even though i swear you gave me signals that meant "take the chance"
i covered my emotions for months cause of my ex
but when i thought i was ready, we were ready
i put my heart in my hands
put it out for you to carry
and when i thought you were holding it
you dropped it on the ground and left