I thought I knew where I could always find happiness. I thought my supply lines secure and my suppliers faithful. Small plants and large factories I thought I had, winding rivers and sprawling roads I thought I could count on.

In a few measly hours I lost 45% and I had no idea it was coming. The factories burned and the roads melted while the rivers dried up. I'm sure you will rebuild and the routes will open again "You're business is important to us" you'll tell me while your in the proper mood. But the damage to my confidence in your business model will take much more to repair.

Someone else simply offered you better payment and suddenly I didn't exist and you left your/my infrastructure to rot and die. The stench will take a while to fade and the scars even longer.

But the ******* funny thing is that over the course of me writing this short story I have already forgiven you. ****, I'd pay more for less service if it meant that I get to tell the board members that I kept at least one supplier from running off this ******* quarter.

So congratulations, you ******* got me.

Kicked to the curb
all dust and water and ash.

Passed over easily
not worth the time to step on.

Best of people
fail to offer your satisfaction.

*** drive takes over
and promises more than one release.

Its like you finally
picked a scab that was itching

and without a glance
cast it to decay.

You expect to bleed
and for that bond to come back.

Eventually only scar
tissue will be left;

is a reminder enough
to replace us?

We bleed as well
when you cut our sternum

and wiggle our ribs
to rip out what you want.

You choose to bleed
and we come for more abuse.

Whose marrow will
give in to the end coming?

Certainly I can't offer
a reasonable return
for any time you may spend
on such a thing as me.

If I knew me then
and I could speak to those ears
I would advise against
the things I offer to you.

But alas, against better
judgement based on 'then me'
and 'now you'
I pursue with blind ambition.

I'll hold your hand and kiss your lips
like I meant too, all the while
convincing myself that the four years
you have yet to have are not important.

I'd like to love you
like I meant to love
the loves I had before,
and prove wrong my own hindsight.

But if you're like me,
you will take the 48
months to learn
and I will be unable to keep up.

I can build a house on air
and craft perpetual motion.
I'm at least willing
to try to prove me wrong.

I thought that I lost my heart today.
I reached out to feel it and it wasn't the same.

Like a pocket that usually is full of change
it's easy to notice when it's not there.

But it was there all along
it was just light, light as air.

I had become so used to carrying
around this heart full of metal and gloom

that when it vacated my chest
I felt like nothing was there at all.

Like sleeping on a couch for weeks
you forget what it's like to have a bed.

You forget what it's like to smile
when your head hits your own pillow

and what its like to laugh
just because you're alive.

You pressed your lips on to his like it was nothing.
Then cried into his shoulder like it meant everything.
Now my car is full of ash and smoke
because no one bothered to open a window.

It still smells of mud and dew from the grass
that was above the stone that I made a promise to.
It felt like a ghost followed us home
but only because he was curious about what everything had become.
I helped her up the stairs easy enough
and I was even able to carry you to bed.

I learned so much that windy, rainy night
and just like that ghost I am bound to silence.

I’m tired of this world.
My dreams and day thinkings offer rays of jubilation, but then I wake up.
I realize the sun’s light doesn't excite me
and the moon’s beaming doesn't move me.
It’s my fault.
Through my own failures I have tainted things that once gave me joy.
I have tarnished silver and gold
And they no longer spark my life.

To choose a place to place your final wish.

Where death is a closer friend.
You touched the door to the other side.
The **** beckoned, like you didn’t expect.
Your shadows gave you the key.

It’s real. You know it better than most.
The most real the idea has ever been.
But you threw off the covers
and pulled the needles from your veins.
The visage came and went
like our copies in the days sun.

It burned a hole in the fabric of us
like a meteor in the heavens.

Skipping, dancing lines define
alive, as if that could suffice.
That bed made your last beat
something to strive to prolong.
A place to place your final wish.

Wish, kiss, miss, resist, persist.
Grieve, leave, heave.
Alive.