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  May 2014 Jacob
Emily Dickinson
465

I heard a Fly buzz—when I died—
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air—
Between the Heaves of Storm—

The Eyes around—had wrung them dry—
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset—when the King
Be witnessed—in the Room—

I willed my Keepsakes—Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable—and then it was
There interposed a Fly—

With Blue—uncertain stumbling Buzz—
Between the light—and me—
And then the Windows failed—and then
I could not see to see—
Jacob May 2014
I lose myself to the black bedroom
That I dread will one day
Very well be my resting place
And oh, I wonder:
Why isn't it a garden of roses?
Isn't that what I so righteously deserve?

When ones idly sit and wait for rejoice,
Are they truthfully just waiting for nothing?
Sometimes my screams are just sound waves
And nothing more than a lack of breath
But who to blame other than myself?

I laugh--not because self-deprecation is comical,
But because my problems are waiting to repeat
In a chain of Summers where I meant to do one thing
But I ended up adoring Winter as opposed to itself
Am I indulged in, for lack of a better word, paradoxidents?

You might as well send me off to my own special country
Where I am free from isolation; that's the place to be, isn't it so?
Blank stares are nothing more than my mere personality I say
I can stay outside observing the withered apple trees all night long
But what I truly want to do all day is walk along the foggy streets
Can someone other than myself please keep me away from the cliff?
Jacob Apr 2014
In the strangest lands
I will grasp my chance
Sing the unsung words
I have searched to spell
Jacob Apr 2014
You lost this game again
The one where you try for love
All I see you end up with
Is another broken heart.

I saved the memories of a past life
Onto a CD and listened to it in the fall
I can only hear your promises
How you went and broke them all.
Jacob Apr 2014
I've seldom been inhabited
I'm an isolated shelter
Looking at the archipelagos
Oh, these islands are so dull
Where is my sanctuary?

As I wait for a shoreline
I find you in the distance
The sun gleams on you
So it's not that hard
To find your small land.

Then it dawns on me
I can't move toward you
Because I am an island
And so are you
How can I be yours
When all we share is distance?
Jacob Apr 2014
The girl with purple hair is sitting at my bar again.
I think she is beautiful. And not in a way that I wanna have awesome *** with her but in a way that I want to drink chocolate martinis with her
and go shopping for christmas vests that have tinkly bells and possibly polar bears with hats on them.
She is having a full-body cry. I am the worst bartender, simply
because I don't know how to counsel people without crying back at them.
She is crying about the state of women.

I know that we come from the same rotting wood, so all I do is nod.

"How is it that three quarters of the women I know have been ***** or molested?
What does that say about the men that I know?
**** is not a man behind a bush with a knife, she laughs
It's kissing you on the mouth like whiskey at a nice bar."
The girl with purple hair and I are holding hands now,
"I only wanted an apology,
an acknowledgement of what occurred."
Grappling as artists, as girls, as ships in bottles,
how do we change any of it?
I tell her I am going to write a poem.
She says no one wants to hear a **** poem.

And I know she's right.

Have you ever seen a stampede of horses?
Do you wonder what the hooves look like from underneath?
Have you ever tasted the blood from biting your own lips because you couldn't say no enough?
"I never fought back. I kept my thighs tight and
closed, but once he's inside you, you wish you were the streetlamp, the
store clerk, a street lamp, a bed of calla lilies-

anything but a woman.

In that moment, our eyes glaze over, and they stay that way for years.
That's when you've lost.
A poem by Mary Lambert, from the poem-book, "500 Tips for Fat Girls"
Jacob Apr 2014
You live with many tears
Look around with plenty fears
Waste up your many years
And seldom hear cheers.

Many times left your eyes
With nothing but cries
And lies across the skies
Sat next to you sharing sighs.
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