I get them so bad these days.
Alcohol gets me going and your touch keeps me floating.
Genuine smiles surface and the happiness I keep locked down below begins to bubble.
A tranquil explosion of vivid pastels paint a foreground in my eye.  
Everything seems to make more sense.

It always ends, I've sobered up and you didn't stay.
The happiness that just barely began to bubble now turns to trouble.
I've depressed to find myself lonely, empty and stray.
Is this who I really am without stimulus, without catalyst?
Is it you I'm missing or something more fundamental.

How do you find happiness you desperately need when desperately searching for happiness is so unattractive.

That inescapable fact that when you need it the most it's nowhere to be found.

I'm not fine when it all stops. When it all starts rolling off the edge just as I'm reaching for it. When I'm not able to squeeze a smile worth of happiness through the gates - I'm not fine.

I have withdrawals from my own happiness.

You're the beauty I left in patong.
Rainy days in Koh Samui.
Now knowing leaving was wrong.

I miss the feeling that laying on top of me wasn't close enough for you.  
Seeing such a genuine need to not feel alone.
Like we're perfectly at home.

Gentle kisses on you're head
Cuddled up tight in bed.

You tell me over and over how you'd rather be alone.
That caring heart that asks me if I'm okay everytime I roll over.
Tells me something different.

You're the girl that may have always gotten away.
I've never known exactly what to think.
What's in your heart you never say.

If I had more time here something nice we'd make.
As the end draws near
It's a shame we're only half baked.