izzmidnight

Mar 16

Natalie

Her hands were soft and delicate, a carnivore's feast.
The burning ember captivated her gaze, too numb to notice.
Kyoto is a fragile porcelain bowl, cradling centuries of memories.
“Please, let’s go to Kyoto.”
Her eyes meet mine, too lost to be here.
“That’s not my name?”

You never quite listen to me no matter how much I speak. maybe our mouths would be better sewn shut then to let any meaning escape our lips.

izzmidnight Mar 11

maybe I'll be fixed

I used to wake up and just watch you breathe,
I'd see your face and smile; we were in love.
It hurt me in a way that I would seethe
Every time I saw you and I've become
A monster who covers all of their scars,
A beast who twists your words so that they hurt,
A freak who thinks we're written in the stars,
When you say I'm beautiful, I avert

Because I'm scared of what I do not know,
Don't know if I can be happy at all,
But maybe life will live and let me grow,
But I'm scared that I'll only ever fall.
So when you leave I'll rip myself to shreds,
But things beyond repair may yet still mend.

This is my first try at a sonnet. I hope I did well. I appreciate feedback and comments! :)

#sonnet #poem #beyondrepair #fears #fixed #depression #sad

izzmidnight Mar 7

BETTER

Sorry
that I've blocked your calls
for months on end
but I still listen to the voicemails
that you send.

Sorry
that sometimes I'm mean,
treating you like jewelry
I've used to numb the pain
and all of the grief.

Sorry
that I change my mind
so frequently each day,
never meaning to use you
or pull you every which way.

Sorry
that I still know your birthday,
that my favorite songs became
your favorites too,
and that just won't fade away.

Sorry
that I couldn't be better for you
and that I still can't believe
anyone could ever
be in love with me.

Sorry
everything wasn't better
and I was so naive and blind
to the way we were
always leaving each other behind.

Sorry
that I run when things are good
and stay when things are bad,
I guess I never understood
what we had.

Sorry
that I flinch every time
you lay your eyes on me
because you do it like no one else—
like I'm someone you can please.

Sorry
that I broke your heart,
my ignorance strikes again
because things didn't get better
and you couldn't see the end.

Sorry
that I couldn't love you
or be better for you, baby
but someone will love you,
it just won't be me.

I really appreciate comments and feedback! :)

#poem #mentalhealth #broken #relationship #exes #abusive #toxic #breakup #regret #sad

izzmidnight Mar 7

Float

I'm falling into the deep end,
That dark place that floods me
Over and over till I'm drowning
And I just float, float, float.

I'm overthinking; the thoughts won't stop,
Trapped in the prison of my own head
Crying over the sink every night
Letting tears float, float, float.

I'm in over my head, drowning,
But I'm fine—not struggling, right?
I'm stuck in a bubble I didn't create
So I just float with the crowd, numb inside.

So insecure that it's funny;
So used to feeling this bad,
I think I might be going insane,
As I float, float, float.

Where are all my friends?
Loneliness creeps in again,
The water's turning red—they don't care
If I float or if I fall.

And I fall, fall, fall,
Feeling alive as I fight for my life,
I can't escape from this riptide
So I float, float, float.

Watch me drown in these waves,
Don't know if I can make it back
To the surface, I'm gasping for air
As I float, float, float...

I really like this poem so please give me feedback and comments as I would really appreciate it!!!! :)

#poem #depression #suicide #drowning

izzmidnight Mar 4

surviving

I ******* hate you;
I hate every time you allude that we aren't friends,
I hate every time you refuse to look at me
Even when I'm talking to you.

You don't give a **** about me,
Even if I was crying like I am now,
Next to you, and you're doing your history homework
And complaining to a teacher all your friends aren't here at lunch
But I'm ******* here.

Can't you hear my tears, and see how I'm dying?
But you wouldn't care if I did die,
Only if it was an inconvenience to the play we both do,
Because that's the only time you care about me
And I know it's against your will.

You're selfish, you're a ***** to everyone
So of course I fell for you and I can't get over it,
Even when you give me that hateful glare you're bearing right now
As tears are streaming down my face
Because like you, my friends abandoned me and I'm lonely
And I need you to just ask if I'm good.

I'm not good,
I'm not even ******* close,
But you couldn't see if I was stabbing myself to death in front of you
Because you don't care.

I love you now,
I'm pathetic that I let it get that far.
Even if you keep hating me and it keeps killing me,
I don't care because you're ******* worth it,
I would rip myself to shreds for you.

I really appreciate comments and feedback! Tell me if you think it's too much.

#angry #poem #suicide #depressed #unrequitedlove #love #mad #feelings

izzmidnight Mar 4

scars

is it too much to ask
for my scars never to fade?
is it too much to ask
for you to care that they're there?

that once upon a time i did that
and i didn't care if you saw,
but now when i do it, i do it for you
with the hope that you'll care enough to notice me

and notice that i'm falling
and it's not just for you,
but my body is failing itself, and i'm going into that place again
the dark well that i can't climb out of.

i'm proud of my scars;
they show that i was hurting and dying
and yet now they're just scars and not still
bleeding.

why can't you even look at me?
why can't you even care a tiny bit?
you're killing me slowly,
but i know it's all my fault.

i'm sorry things are like this,
and i ****** it all up,
i'm sorry i'm like this,
sad, manic, dead inside.

i still want to show you all my scars
and i want to fall apart in your arms.

I really appreciate comments and feedback! I don't know why I'm obsessed with putting rhyming couplets at the end of every poem I write, tell me if it works! :)

#selfharm #depression #swearing #love #pining #loneliness

izzmidnight Mar 3

If Only

If only I was brave
like you said I was
all of those years ago
when you weren't sick yet.

If only I could remember
back to a time when you were alive,
And I wasn't living in this exile of a world,
Trapped between his life and mine.

If only Death wasn't so harsh—
He wrapped you up in his cold, dark grasp
and took you away before I even said
goodbye.

If only I could be him and live my life
without thinking of what could've been different,
I could excel at everything and not be scared
to even get out of my house

Because I'm living a life I do not know;
If only you didn't go.

I really appreciate comments and feedback! :)

#poetry #wishing #death #loss #grief

— The End —