You were never meant to be real
I dreamed you up when I was six or seven and dismissed you as childish folly by age sixteen
Trust me, boys were the most escoteric of social constructs
Put in place to make skirts shorter and hair longer,
Eyes bluer,
Entirely alien
So when you kissed me on the bridge overlooking the waterfall we'd just climbed out of,
As my hair drenched the old, rotting wood underfoot,
We could've fallen apart
People wake up from dreams, right?
Today, I can't remember how the story goes

I want to rip you apart
until you are merely fragments of human
ripped and vulnerable
then I could finally tell you
how I feel
about you
about us
about the way I strive for us to exist together
in this lonely universe.
I would glue you back
piece by piece
carefully and slowly
making sure you are still just as perfect
as you were before.
but I know that no matter what
you will be
you make my heart sing pure joy
just by the look you give to me
the sensation of your warm hands on my skin
nothing could make me feel more secure
even since the first time I saw you
my soul was awakened
I was given a purpose
to fall in love with you.
you don't love me though
and you never will.
I am nothing to you
just a foolish female
who will give you anything you desire
that is my own fault,
not yours
I have let myself lust for you
too many times
and now I am stuck
craving your presence and voice
your affection and promises
I know I am a sucker for you
and I am not sure
if I will ever not be

But I get torn to pieces
For the stupidest reasons

Stores, they sell ripped jeans—
profiting off of damage
just like us poets.

I'm looking at everything and at everyone
but not at anything or anyone
in particular.
My eyes fleet over the distance
but not drinking in any detail.
I'm in a daze;
Hunched over in my oversized jacket,
hands hidden in pockets.
Sad sad.
This place is too noisy;
I'm getting warm with agitation.
My eyesight is blurry.
I just want this to stop.
But it goes on and on.
They're looking at me oddly.
Shrugging at each other
when I don't respond.
I tried to smile but fail.
Came out as a grimace again.
I did it again.
Always the odd one out.
"She's in that mood again"
I don't know. I don't know.
b r e a t h e
You'll get back on track again.
Hopefully. Eventually.

-m.b