My body, covered in the smell of gasoline.
You walked in, with a match lit
Yet, I still walked into your embrace

Stuck in a room
With a car, running, fumes of hate
Streaming out of the exhuast pipe
I am dying to get out here

Stupid boy.
With your bright eyes and your soft hair.
Stupid boy.
With your laugh that always brings out mine.
Stupid boy.
With your ability to never keep me mad at you, despite it all.
Stupid boy.
With the way you always make me feel.
Stupid girl.

I met you and I was light grey
Lovely to some, and shy, never wanted to be noticed
You were filled with colors to complicated to understand,
mysterious. I was drawn into with your rope of colors that you wrapped around my waist and drew me in
When I fell into you, I transformed into red ocean with love
a big, plentiful ocean that the waves crashed into your sly smile.
You danced and blue fell from the seams of jeans
You laughed and yellow poured out of your mouth
You sang, badly, but it showered me in pink
I lived for your colors, they overshined mine but I was okay with it because
I was used to be the shadows behind people's bright colors
You were the sun and I was Pluto, I could get away but you still were drawing
my picture with the colors that I wanted to see.
The white sand that lined the ocean was your words that I took into my currents and kept inside of me to save for later,
but then you decide that light grey wasn’t your color
everything turned black
The clouds that filled the pink sky were alive with bolts streaming across your beach
that I made for you.
My ocean turned into a swirling grey and green, churning until my whirlpool sinks your beach, your memory right out of existence.
It took me awhile to get the colors that you painted for me to become mine
but you have now faded away like light blue slowly fades into night
And I change from grey into an array of colors that draws you now in with rope.
Funny, how when my colors shine bright without your colors
you want me and all my colors.

I wish I could say I was sand that slipped through your fingertips, but baby that's a truth for someone else.

You let me go.
You would rather be loved on hazy nights than for all the forever's I could promise you. You wanted love, you just didn't want me.

This is our truth.

It's not a big deal to tear apart the happy picture I posted.
It really doesn't matter.
But it did.
Because a month ago I couldn't smile like that
A month ago I would've been afraid someone would see right through me
A month ago I was afraid of people like you and I guess I still am.
The big deal is, even though I wasn't meant to see what you were saying I still did.
The big deal is seeing that happy picture on her lit up screen made me feel for the first time since I've been happy, that cut wrists would make this feel better.

1 second:
my mind drags my languid body across the tundra of insanity
my eyes focused on a space
a blurry shape focused
something in between reality and the real world
2 seconds:
roles of films show screenplays flickering across my mind, lighting up possibilities of what could go wrong
One goes by, and the film starts again running over and over
as the films play, I slowly drown in a sea of attacks
1,000 feet, my world spins
2,000 feet, my world fades
3,000 feet, my world becomes red, blocking the rest of the colors of the world
preventing the peace of the world into sight
4,000 feet, my soul mending into an entity with no right of way
it drifts upwards as I drift away
3 seconds:
my mind becomes the phantom
black, hollow, clustered, dreadful, worrisome
following my hollow body, swarming with words
creeping up behind me, people pass in blurs
their energy sweeps me up, fills me, empties me, making me feel even more alone
4 seconds:
do I cry, show the world the Prince of Darkness that clings onto my body
pulling strands of my hair, slowing my world to where I stare at myself and see a mess
see the tearing across skin, my face, only my red eyes can see, when they see my reflection
it’s a happy girl, who is never too sad, but the red can see through the mask that is always glued on
or should I **** it up and keep the beast swimming through my brain
prying my mouth open, keep it inside and let it eat me alive
5 seconds:
my heart, feeling four times as heavier as it did 6 seconds before
telling me *you’re okay, it will pass, the storms almost over, the friend always there to help the in pain
even when the expression shows different
the brain, feeling four times heavier as it did 6 seconds before
telling me you’re not okay, nobody cares, see they just passed you, why would someone care?
The common enemy, the one who's always there to tear you down even when the sun shines bright
6 seconds:
to keep the phantom from attacking, breathe steadily, never miss a beat
which would you chose to believe?
The phantom, the common enemy, the one who controls your thoughts
or the friend, there to keep you running through it all?
The choice seems easy, but sometimes
the choice isn’t yours to make