They say that eyes,
Are the windows to the soul.
I'll not be chained
By this everlasting cliche.
But Honey, I get lost
Every time. Gazing into yours.
Swept away in their
Mystery, darkness, wonder.
I see clearly your walls,
A house on a hill.
Every brick laid down
With care, thoughtfulness.
Made to keep out
More harm, hurt, loss.
It is worn, sturdy,
Unyielding against the world.
Yet every now and then
I catch a glimpse
Of Lightness
Where others see dark.
And it tells me
More than words
Ever could.
And in this space
I am lost.
In this space
I see you.

What I thought would be easy
Turned out to be a trial.
I lay curled up feeling queasy.

Frustration, anger. A strong stance.
Is it denial in their faces?
Am I to give another chance?

But as I gaze into your eyes
Those soft, warm orbs bring light,
A fresh breath. I realise.

I shall conform no more
That young girl is gone,
This will not be like before.

Dead is the binary
The girl in the mirror, gone.
Now I see myself. Finally.

Societal chains bear me down
Some days I give in.
Allow myself to drown

In your norms
Your dead ways.
This strange form

Will never fit in,
I quickly realise
No matter the colour of skin.

Yet I gaze in the mirror,
I see myself, finally.
The world looks clearer.

Was this a lesson?
Meant to teach and hurt.
Well honey I'm confessin'
As I bleed out in the dirt.

Cigarette ashes and daydreams
Is where I've spent my time.
Between growth and extremes
It hits 2am, I hear the chime.

'Awake from this haze,
It's different now
You're having better days.
It's different now.'

Yet I lay on a dirt road
High on petrol fumes
On some kind of turbo mode
As the storm looms.

Blasted by soundwaves.
Sand and grit in my eyes
I glance at shallow graves
Had anyone heard their cries?

What's their story?
Is it like mine?
As complex and stormy?

I speed on past.
An unnatural high
That I seem to outlast.
A relieving sigh,

The cigarette's finished,
The high is still here,
I am no less diminished
In case that wasn't clear.

You tread a fine line
Afraid to look down.
Instead, pretend to be fine.

Avoid the doubts and fears.
No matter the cost,
The floods of tears.

They come biting back.
The insecurity,
A welcoming snack.

Latched on for dear life.
You find solace
At the edge of a knife.

Comforted and bewildered.
Malignant, yet benign.
You are bruised and blistered.

Here is where growth lies.

Where might confusion lie
About oneself?

The deep recesses of the mind.
Beneath masks and scars,
Is where you'll find me.
Amidst books and ink.
Within, without, all around.
Through meadows and trees,
The grass whispers and sings.
Deep secrets of the Earth.
You need to be right.
You need to be wrong.
Not rushed, nor cheated.
A steady hand. Pen to paper.
Trembling, in waves. In. Out.
Stay the course Dear one.
Seek not the out edge,
Within is where it lies.
Not among the birds.
Neither your friends nor family.
But deep in you
Is where it lies.

What might I let go of,
To seek the unknown?

To find discipline,
To keep honour.
Relinquish rage,
Release control.

Is it my heart?
Will it be my mind?

Unrest is rife,
Unease alike.
Reduced to tears,
Unsettling fears.

To retain loyalty,
Invite love again,
Strive for trust,
Be free once more.

What might I release
To seek the unknown?

Silence is all-consuming,
Deafening in its wake.
With pain looming.

Yet devoid of sound,
It shatters and breaks.
Leaves you clawing the ground,

Gasping for breath.
Seemingly calm, oh
Sweet dance of death.

When I rise again,
I pity them.
Those who caused pain.

Left me on the brink,
Gave me an anchor;
Watched me sink.

That melodious abyss,
A harrowing home
Mixed with blood and bliss.

Nae a crevice to hide,
From battles or storms
Nor the feelings inside.

Remember this
As I rise
You'll be left in remiss.

I walk hand in hand
With joy and pain.
Rest of the world be ******.

Remember this.
As I rise.