I’m working on saying what I feel
when I feel it
rather than when it’s too late
the harm’s already been caused
and the ones I love
are already gone.

I’m working on admitting to hurt
that others ground into me
rather taking it over and over again
while you can’t know what’s wrong
or ever notice your simple misuse
of word and clause.

I’m working on being proud
of galaxies I have to offer
rather than holding in ideas
and little pieces of myself
that weren’t meant to be pushed
so far from everything
just sitting on a shelf.

I’m working on it, I promise,

but for now I’ll give you this
so you will know to hold on
and please

don’t give up
on what I can be.

     For all that's wrong,
                   wait for me.

She's my best friend and I'll never get tired of trying
But it's so hard when she always thinks that I'm lying
It's Her anxieties that give her this constant unease
Because the world as it is isn't what she sees
She can only see the cruelty
Not the beauty I can see
Surrounding me constantly
Because what she's been fed has gone to her head
She wishes she were dead
For help she's got her meds
But they don't really help
She says she's okay today
But tomorrow who can say
This is a risky game I don't want her to play
But it's no wonder she's starting to break,
She's got all these demons she just can't shake
I pray that she'll just wake up and see
But pain is her drug and she's as high as can be
"Please" I say "you can't live this way"
"Not anymore, telling me you're fine with one foot out the door"
She hates herself, thinks she's worthless especially
But she can't see that she's special to me,
She doesn't believe because it's what you perceive
She's hates to stay but I beg her not to leave
All I can say is "you're my best friend I couldn't live without you"
"So please. Please. Don't force me to"
No I can't promise it'll be okay
But I'll always be here
So please
Stay

For dinner, you made asparagus and pork chops,
my favourite combination.

Do moms have a sixth sense when they know that something bad is going to happen?

You smiled and said, "I made your favourite."

I said, "I'm going to miss this."

But you didn't understand,
you thought I meant that there weren't asparagus left to cook for tomorrow, so you said "Sweetie, don't worry, I can make some more for dinner tomorrow."



I wonder if you and dad can finish food for three people,
when there will only be two people at the table.

Electronic tears and pain
Via the telephone line
Depression and open wounds
Bleeding into a strangers listening ear
Pooling as it gathers
And drains into his brain
Telephonic transmission
Of a soul
That flies by wire
Just looking for another soul
To touch with

the devil isn't evil or frightening
he's beautiful and appears as an angel
the most contagious laugh that you have ever heard
big hazel eyes with freckles that scatter his skin like the night sky
he makes you love him when and he doesn't even try
adventurous and curious
smart and humble
the pain that he brings is unbearable because as soon as you love him
he's gone

im in love with cities I've never been to and people I've never met

How do you explain anxiety,
With out any profounaties?
Do you start with the intense urge to hide?
The overwhelming nervousness,
Worse yet followed by sickness.
Your throat begins to burn as the bile churns.
You know it's coming,
Uncontrollable,
Gone,
So you're on the floor again but how many times can you pick your self up?

Imagine paranio
Even your mother is against you
No matter what help reaches out
You believe it's all in spite
But spite of what you can not answer
To trust would be a disaster.
Walls so high most people give up,
And they wonder why you say you aren't good enough?

Then there's the depression
It cuddles these two
Like a evil little family
It could destroy you.
Sadness so deep,
It's hard to move on.
Trying to remind yourself you weren't made wrong.

getting on a plane in a month makes me want to never come back