I'm going to be heart broken again.
Because everything you ever said, was just the same but interpreted differently.
I feel lost.
I'm trapped in a small wooden boat, cast out to sea.
The sea is calm, but there is no land to be found.
I feel the time passing, with no explanation as to whether it's moving forward, backward, or if it's really just staying still.
I'm not sure if I'll ever reach the shore.
I'm not sure if I'll ever find the grips on the oars attached to the side of the boat.
My hands are too slippery, for I am nervous that you have stopped searching for me in this sea of desolence.
Eventually, I will wipe my hands off on my pants, grip the oars with determination, and paddle forward, praying that time is moving along with me.
And hopefully once I reach the shore,  I will be sure about my life, and sure about our entire situation.
And maybe,  your hand will be there at the dock waiting to pull me in.

If I were to leave this world, would you remember my name?
Would you know me as the girl who tried everything they could just to make you smile?
Would you remember me as a good friend,
Or a kind person?
Would you realize that you love me and that you regret not taking any chances?

If I were to leave this world, would you remember my face?
Would you remember the freckles that appear on my nose in the summer,
Or the shape of my nose,
Or even the expression in my eyes when I was truly happy?

If I were to leave this world, would you remember my tendencies?
Would you remember obscure sense of humor,
Or even the fact I was downright insane?
Would you remember my yearning for adventure,
And trying terrible things?
Would you hold it against me to this day?

If I were to leave this world, would you tell me the truth?
That every glance we make means something to you?
Would you remember how my heartbeat sped up every time someone mentioned your name,
Or how my face turns red every time I see your face?
Would you remember my attempts of showing affection and my terrible methods of flirting?
Would you finally say you feel the same way?

Would you at least remember my name?

Insanity corrupts the mind of society.
As children lose their tempers and grow up too quickly,
And adults **** their last chance of tranquility.
The structures grow larger and the brain knows more,
And the sun grows hotter through the atmosphere's pores.
Growth and death suddenly coexist,
As your god crosses names off his Christmas list.
Your judgment defines you,
And your world deprives you,
2013 you merely exist.

Intoxicate my lungs,
My body,
and my soul.
I want to fall in love with a person,
And feel their touch on my skin,
So I may no longer feel
So **** cold.

Hear me,
Feel me,
Taste me,
No.
Scold me,
Abuse me,
Let
     me
         go.

The sun has hidden behind the clouds again
and I am questioning myself more than I ever have.
Who am I
Why am I here
Why is right now my time to be alive?
People come and go and I don't know why
Do they see through my exterior?
Do they know how torn apart I am
On the inside?

I'm falling down, like these leaves
On the ground
Where I belong.

You can drive right into town,
Or swim into the city;
Jump right on my back,
And admire all the buildings.
You can appreciate life with just the touch of your finger
Only to find that your true home
Is buried six feet under.

I am slowly deteriorating.
The world ceases to exist in my head, and hours pass quickly,
Like seconds,
And seconds feel like hours.
I stare blankly at a wall, for these mindless periods of time,
And it does not seem real.
Who says that the life I live serves a specific purpose?
What purpose does my life have if I do not accomplish anything?
These questions have ripped me apart, so I strongly suggest you do not take them to heart.
I am depersonalized,
Insane,
Nothing is right in my head, and I fear my emotions are too fake for people to feed off anymore.
Do I live this way, in a constant confusion, for the rest of my life?
Or will this condition of questioning go away?
I have deteriorated myself,
And caused myself to decay at too young of an age.
It is true,
Curiosity killed the cat, the cat being my brain.

It still hurts when your name runs through my head,
Not as sharply as it used to but the pain is still there
faintly, like the words I never said,
Although words lose their strength over time.
Even your name lost that old, familiar chime that used to ring
but it has lost its luster and I am perfectly okay
With each passing year and each dragging day.
However, I can't help but feel sadder in the winter
because that's when you told me
You needed to discover
New places and new people.
I told you that I loved you only twice when I was with you
But each time I glanced into your eyes I hope you knew.
I bet you knew.
So, it still hurts when your name runs through my head,
And I can't help but imagine what we would be
If you reciprocated the feelings and pulled your arms around me.
The faint whisper of your name sometimes puts me to sleep,
So I hope that you saw all you needed to see.

And now the future is palpable,
And I can almost just barely taste it
On my lips
Just like the chapstick
I applied 15 minutes ago.
The future is in my range
And I can just barely smell it
Just like the perfume I applied this morning.
I can smell it faintly, when I notice it
But times the smell disappears,
As I get used to it;
only to be reminded of it
When I receive a hug of congratulations
And my friend will say, "You smell nice".
And in that moment I sniff my sleeve to try and smell myself
And get frustrated when my chapped lips feel rough against the texture of my shirt.
So I reach into my pocket, and struggle to find a small skinny tube,
I grasp it in my fingers and apply it to my lips
Afterwards licking them,
Smiling,
Because I can taste the future once again.

I am trapped under layers of skin and bones.
I was brought into this world without my control.
And now I'm here, beating myself up about every little thing.
Trying to do wrong when right is screaming in the back of my mind.
I'm lost.
The world surrounds me and I feel like I don't belong anymore.
Maybe I never did.

I am in love with my life.
And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that.

I can't keep sleeping in my sister's room hoping that you'll text me.
Part of me knows that you've completely left me.
I can't believe I let you slip away that night.
That night I just let you go,
Go drive away.

We are all just boats in this vast sea of confusion
Trying to find a shore but the map won't tell us where to go
And our compasses seemed to have broke
And now we are lost out to sea
Will we ever make it back
Or will we have to become comfortable with uncertainty?

So this is it, a flame on a long white candle
Once a powerful and intense heat
Generating enough to allow the pearl white wax to drip down,
Creating a small puddle of hot misery on an ebony table
Waiting for someone to scrape it off once it hardened into deep sorrow
The fire, getting hotter and hotter, allowing for the misery to build up and grow larger
Not yet hardening, but merely haunting the person awaiting to scrape it off
The fire became weak, suddenly, all at once
And the misery started to stop making its way down to its black death
The wax hardened, leaving a terrible mess of forgotten memories that I’d always remember
Memories I will never regret
Now, I must begin to scrape them up, and remove them from the surface of the table
The table being my pure heart, now tainted with this candle’s misery
And once the wax is completely removed, and the black table is left with nothing but scars
There will be nothing left of you, but your mark on my clean heart
Now stained forever with the memory of your misery,
You carelessly dripped on my expensive table,
Leaving scratches that paint will never fully cover up,
And leaving me with the memory of you
A flame, on a long white candle,
Burnt out far too soon.

I can't help him when I can't even help myself anymore
Because days have turned into months and I'm just dying to crawl
Out of my skin and out of this world
it's full of sadness and carelessness and misery and doubt
And I had you back for a moment and now you're walking back out
And I can't keep apologizing for stupid little things
And giving people advice when all I need is an embrace
To let me know I am human and that it will all be okay
But I'm sinking in sorrow and the snow just keeps falling
And I can't help but wonder what would happen if I laid down on the ground
And let this white blanket consume me
Would I die and be reborn or
Become absolutely nothing

Your eyes are breath taking,
Such as the peaks of a mountain, cloaked in snow
The cold is a comfort, not an interference
They are bright, sincere, and kind
And I am drawn to you like a bee to pollen.

Attraction is a concept many have abused
Such as drugs, and ***, and other things.
But I am attracted to you, a magnetic, fiery, sparking connection
You only read in stories.

But I feel you and I taste your essence
And it brings me comfort, where as others bring me digression.

You consume me in pain and you know how to
And I'm not sure if it's more tragic that I give in to it,
Or that you torment me to begin with.
Because each time this happens to me I just take it like a stone,
Being pushed down a hill with no set destination.
I let you kick me and toss me,
Sometimes into a soft grassy area,
And others times into a cold body of water.
And I should be buoyant,
I should know how to float.
But I always thought porous, buoyant objects were the weakest.
So with that said I can tell you something about myself:
I thought that being heavy and dull would get me by.
But little did I realize that lighter objects,
Are able to soar through the air in a way I'll never know.
They can float and regain composure,
And eventually dry themselves off.
However, I'm just sinking.
Whether it be in a puddle, in mud,
Or to the bottom of a lake.
And from there, I will continue to sink,
Lower and lower,
Into the depths of the murky, grotesque, filth that coats the bottom of this lake.
And now I am here, in this pile of filth.
And you would think that I'd try and pick myself up,
That I'd attempt to make myself float,
But no.
Instead, I will rest here for eternity and make this **** my home.
I'll learn the names of each organism, and possibly help them grow.
I will pretend that it's fine,
When plant life grows on me,
And when I become the layer on the bottom of the lake.
And when it is time for me to perish,
I will accept this sentence with complete and utter confidence,
And already have the advantage of being halfway sunken underground,
So I can rest six feet under with ease.
Instead of being thrusted one last time,
Soaring through the air, basking in the knowledge that when I land I will perish.
No,
I am already here.
I have already accepted this fate.
And possibly, if you try to consume me once again,
In a fiery consumption of misery and despair,
I will not catch a flame.
For I am concerned in muck,
Wet, disgusting debris,
And am no longer flammable.

I am happy.
I love my life.
I love my friends.
I love the stupid drama my friends cause.
I love the seasons and the distinct smells of each one.
I love the sky and all of its colors.
I love the world and all of its misery.
I love life, and I will love every waking moment of it.
I am happy, and I'm okay.

You are a carnivorous plant
Seeking to consume any beautiful thing that comes near you.
Not for survival,
But for the mere thought of it.
Your brain is your host and your body feeds off it,
Even the thoughts that make your stomach sick,
But you continue because you feel you have to,
Because they tell you to.
So feed off me you vicious animal,
Tell me you need me only to drop my bones beside your feet
And lick your teeth clean.
I am nothing to you nor am I anything to myself,
I am nothing to everyone else.
So continue on your way and consume my every thought,
And I will regenerate myself just as I always have before.
So tear me apart only to put me back together,
And then rip me apart again.

If everything happens for a reason why am I breaking inside
But this break is nothing but a figment of the sensory motion of my mind
I do not feel anything at all
But when I'm with you I don't feel so small.
Because these moments pass like seconds and I can't stop thinking about the time
Wishing it didn't pass and that we were suspended in it.
But everything has its limits and everything ends
It's a tragic little world we live in, isn't it?
So I'll try and find the beauty in this life and appreciate what it is before it leaves
And if you feel the same that's surely okay with me.
We are lovers and we are dreamers, we seek the impossible limit,
But, if it's with you I've already been in it.

Sometimes I look at you and wonder if you actually like me.
Your eyes are bright and full of hope, yet there is still mystery in your gaze.
Life is much similar, giving us false glimpses of hope, only to fail us later with deception.
I fear someday too, that you will fail me, but for now I must have blind faith.

The rain pours down on an early fall day;
Summer is weeping before her departure, it seems.
I envy the seasons, and how they can come and go with such ease.
As if they are sick of Earth, and wish to go for a bit.
If I were Autumn, with her brisk attitude, and carefree lifestyle,
I wonder if maybe you would come to appreciate me more.

At times, I look at the rain and ponder if it comes to cleans us of our doubts.
If maybe it was summoned just to tell us, "Your fears are no more,"
And then I realize weather does not have personification,
Nor do eyes contain mystery, only expression,
And that you must like me, or else you wouldn't be here.
I suppose rain maybe does cleans our fears a bit more than we realize.

If I could, I would write you an epic in which I could explain all the ways I wish to fall into you.
I would paint you a beautiful mosaic in an elegant chapel, with symbols of eternal happiness.
If I could, I would be yours for as long as you'd wish to keep me;
Because your eyes are the most brilliant shade of serenity I have ever seen.

My hands grasp onto unsure objects
Fighting the past and barely handling the future
And I feel sick.
I feel sick each day
Each morning
Each evening
Each conversation
Each cigarette.
I cannot digest this,
Nor can I digest the food on my plate,
Or the information thrown at me each day.
I am lethargic and boring,
Lame and confused,
Tired and constant,
There is no change.
I fear routine but
Also fear change
I am fickle.
I am boring I am selfless
I am selfish I am sure
I am distant
I am clingy
Like the shore.
I pull you in when I need you
Push you away when I don't
Cry when I am uncomfortable
And turn dark and I am cold.
I grasp onto unsure things,
Hoping I will gain control.
Control is not in my control;
However,
I will try and grasp onto these feelings,
Write about it and wither in self pity
Only to realize
I can only control the words
Escaping my chapped lips.

The world is quiet first thing in the morning.
I feel content in those moments, I feel no anxiety.
The world breathes with us,
It inhales when we do, exhales for us when we don't,
But it does not stop when we do.
It never will.

We became familiar with this lifestyle, with these people, and these smells.
Someday they will leave us, and I can't quite grasp why they will.
We dream of places of beauty and desire,
At night when our sad eyes finally retire.

So let us be human and let us continue to breathe.
Because someday when our lungs decide to kick, we will probably miss the feeling.
The taste of fresh air lets me know you're still here
In my blood, in my lungs, and in my heart.

To become content with death is something I don't think we ever will be,
But until then I'm content with being me.
So let the wind come in through my window and
Knock down all the pictures and all my trinkets on the windowsill.  
Let the air inhale through my body and let the world exhale it out.

And the memories continue to fade,
As I look through your pictures and wonder what I was doing to myself last year at this time.
I don't think I was in a good place.
Because heartbreak defines you, in someway, shape, or form.
And I didn't take it too well, I think.

But looking back, I do not feel sadness, as I should.
I don't feel anything at all.

And I would be lying if I said I don't think about you from time to time
And the days that your heart was mostly devoted to mine.
But the steps that we took so far and far away,
Off to some unknown world where we no longer communicate.

And I wonder what you're thinking, and at times if it's about me.
And I wonder if I was everything I was supposed to be.
Not that it matters, because it doesn't.
For my heart belongs to him, now,
And I feel forever blissful because of that.

So if our lives were just fables scrawled down onto a notebook,
With ink blots and splotches and imperfections that life itself contains,
Would my name come across in some chapter or some place?
Or am I a memory that just continues to fade?

Dear Mother I am sorry
For all that I've done.
I've used your love, your money, and your home
Without bothering to apologize or thank you for it all.
And now you are weeping and I feel ashamed
For using you and abusing you in the most horrible way.
You gave birth to my every existence
And to that, all your children are grateful.
I see you are aging but this cancer is a terrible thing,
It's even worse knowing that your children and I have caused it.
We're trying our hardest to take it all back,
Make you all better so we don't have to worry anymore,
And hopefully make your eyes shine brighter than they have before.
I hope that's a good enough apology for you.

Love, the rest of us

There are things that **** us,
like cigarettes, bad food, and deodorants
But we still abuse them and take advantage of their existence.
There are things that help us,
Like parents, fitness, friends, and lovers
But they'll still **** us anyways.
Life is not life without death by its side and I'm not sure if I'll ever figure out why.
And if I **** myself with my tar filled lungs and tendencies to eat terrible things on the weekends,
Then so be it.
While you sit there and eat all of your organic greens and go to the gym three times a week,
You'll die just like the rest of us.
We all have things in common, things that bind us and things that blind us,
So why is it that our way to die is what defines us?

It's strange how through times of turmoil you discover who belongs in your life.
In that moment, you stop everything you're doing, just to let that one person know,
You love them.
They fight on, and live on, through the inner struggles in their heads,
Struggles some of us who are weaker, would not understand.
She said, "If this is the end, let it be beautiful."
So let it be beautiful,
Because she said so.

I want you to desire me
Like a cold drink of water,
In a cool crystal glass.
I want you to pick me up and press me to your eager lips and drink me like you haven't seen water in days.
I want to be the poison in your blood
That you crave each and every night.
I want you to rush into the kitchen after a long day,
and lift me up and let your lips embrace me
As you **** the life out of me because you absolutely need me.
I want you to beg for that 5 minute break in the workday
So you can set me a flame and inhale my nicotine passion.
I want you to taste me on your fingers and your breath hours after you've seen me.
I want you to be haunted by me.
I want you to desire me
I want to be desired.

It's hopeless and pathetic,
The life that I lead and the moments I forget.
The moments I remember.
I think about you too much,
About your hair, and your face
And the way we once touched.
And how your voice soothes me to sleep
And how I miss your eyes
And the way you keep me guessing all the time.
I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
Or if maybe I'm crazy
For missing you
And thinking about you
And replaying the moments over and over.
I'm so sober.
I'm so sorry,
For being pathetic.
If you're thinking about me I hope you're happy
And if you're reading this I hope you know it's really about you.
I'm thinking about you.

I tried watering a plant to find it was already dead
She spoke to god but found out his voice was only in her head
I cut my hair in hopes of reinventing my appearance
She sliced her wrists in hopes of losing her existence
I sang songs to the ocean hoping someone would hear me
She tied a rope around her neck trying to set herself free      
I washed my hands in hopes of making them clean
She often wonders what it's like to be buried 6 feet deep
The thing about death is that it's always on our minds,
It's just a matter who's ready for it and who's wishing for more time.

I see you going places
While I am stuck here,
Rattled with fear,
Absorbed with the thought of losing you.

What even is honesty anymore?
I surely do not know.
Because we all seem to be hiding something from one another.
It's tragic, really.

Silence envelopes my mind,
As you look into my eyes
And I feel nothing but ecstacy.
However it's moments like now,
When you don't come around,
And I question myself more than ever.

Do you think about me as the leaves start to fall?
About how I love this season,
And how I love them all.
Do you think about that?

Do you think about how I find all life lovely?
And how I never let him touch me,
Like that?
Like you did.

Do you think about how you let me in?
How someone broke your heart,
And you're too afraid to admit it?
Do you understand I'd never bring myself to do that?

So let this silence rip me apart.
Let it speak the words who may never be said.
Let some sort of fire start.
Let it catch flame violently in your heart.
Let it envelope your mind,
Just as your eyes captured mine.
Do you ever think about that?
Do you ever think about me like that?

Tie rocks to my feet,
So I can walk to the middle of the sea,
And sleep for eternity.

And I remember the places I saw when I was a child
The dark basements I explored with the cans on the counters
And the dust particles floating around that I thought were little world's within themselves.
I remember the smell of my mother's perfume and how it gave me instant comfort and the way I could make up stories in my head and replay them until I fell asleep.
I remember falling asleep was something I dreaded because I wanted to see it all.
I wanted to build world's with pieces of plastic and touch the faces of my parents and look at cans on counters and wonder how they got there.
I remember the car rides and I'd sit in the backseat and never question the destination or the dangers ahead of me.
I remember having absolutely no anxiety.
I remember visiting my aunt and not questioning her bizarre, compulsive tendencies.
I remember feeling happy and free.
And now I run away from dark basements because I can smell the mold and the dust floating around makes me nauseous.
I am scared of my future and make sure to find out every destination.
I'm aware of too much and too oblivious to care.
I was always a sick, miserable kid I guess I just was never aware.

I miss the days when our faces touched,
And our embraces spoke more than just lust.
I miss when our eyes would meet,
Just for a moment,
And you'd bite your lip like you knew I was craving your lips again
And again.
I miss the way you'd refuse to talk,
And how I'd stay up late waiting for your text messages.
I miss praying for us to work,
And praying for you to feel the same way.
I miss believing in something, at all.
I miss when the days were simple and the nights were short,
And when I'd hug a friend goodbye wishing nights like these would continue for the rest of my life.
I miss when the sun would shine brighter even through the winter.
It snowed so much that winter.
I miss running miles to see you, and hugging you like a friend,
But I know you felt my heart beat faster as you held me.
I miss your eyes and how they'd light up every time you smiled.
I miss the day we snuck into the forest and felt the trees talk.
I miss the first time I got butterflies when we kissed.
I miss the way you smell and the way your room looks at night.
I miss the seasons and I miss how they used to blend seamlessly into each other,
Like our bodies into one,
Just as the sun and moon overlap in an eclipse.
And it's now I realize that's all we'll ever be.
Just two masses suspended in space,
Forced to only admire from a far but gravity will never let us meet.
Only until the world ends will you finally absorb me into a ball of heat.
I miss you, I guess.

Life is so subjective
And original
No two people see the same
World around us
No one will ever understand
The darkness of a whisper
The bright light of my mother
Or the color of her voice
Or the song that plays in my head
Every time I drive by that place
Or why my eyes glance over
Every time I pass her house
Or his
Or hers
No one knows the colors
I see when I close my eyes
Or the fact that certain things
Prevent me from opening them
If life is a riddle
Coated in layers of confusion and dust
How should we ever figure it out?
Because know one knows the meaning
Behind anything we see
Hear
Or taste
Or how each letter and number
Have a different color to me
No one knows why
I chose to write the way I do
Or why I even make art in the first place
I just kind of do
No one will even know
The meaning behind my words
But that's just the beauty of life
I had to learn.

By nature, we are spiritual.
Humanity: we praise each other, we praise higher powers,
We worship idols, deities, money, and fashion.
I have no hope for us, anymore.
For we used to be spiritual and truly believe,
We used to see with eyes instead of lenses,
Touch with hands instead of phrases,
Love with meaning and not with numbers,
Pray to something other than computers.
We used to worship our earth and the land provided,
But now we just sink into seats of leather,
Use a remote and stare at moving pictures.
We are no longer innovative, intelligent, or simple,
Instead we are overflowing with unnecessary knowledge that only benefits our outer aesthetics.
We no longer think with our minds but with devices in our hands,
That not only think and talk for us but have become us.
We are no longer humans,
We are no longer animals.
We are fake, processed chemicals.
We might as well be genetically modified fruits.
We are programmed and brain washed
That our way of thinking is incorrect,
That we are unable,
That we are obsolete.
We are no longer humans but merely gods ourselves,
making us question everything including the existence of it all.
If we are truly beautiful creatures why is earth a living hell?
We are spiritual by nature but how can we believe
in anything when all we know is me?

We are as simple as rain and a tree
No double looks, no second glances, nothing to see
You are magnificent, you just don’t know it
I come every once in a while to make you show it
I seep into your veins, and watch you grow
Only to come and **** you, later, as snow
You stick true to your ground, growing and dying alike
I come down and ruin people’s lives

We are as simple as rain and a tree
Just nature at it’s finest, nothing to see
You provide your warmth, your body, your love to everyone else
And I will be here to nurture, and watch you sprout
I will come when you need me, leave when you don’t
Only to see that you still don’t know
You stick true to your ground, growing and dying alike
But you don’t know yourself, and it’s killing you inside

We are as simple as rain and a tree
Living in misery, yet nothing to see
You are beautiful and your essence shows it
I try to tell you, but you just don’t know it
I will be here until the end of time
You will stay, and I will watch you die
You stayed true to your friends, and the people you loved
But you neglected yourself and perished in doubt
That day I cried like no one else

We were as simple as rain and a tree
I loved you and you loved me

Humans are strong
But the bonds that bind us together are weak;
Deceiving,
Like aluminum,
Appearing to be strong
But easily breakable if force is applied.

I sit and wonder
Why these bonds slowly deteriorate
And why memories
Are hazy and confusing;
As if these moments never happened.

Why is it that losing something
Is the main cause of sadness?
Why is that the world keeps moving
When I am stopped in motion,
Wondering why people keep passing by
Without bothering to see if I'm alright
Or to ask how my day is going

I treat it like weather:
There is nothing I can do to stop the rain from coming,
And I can avoid it as much as I want to,
But if I ever want to go places,
I must endure the conditions and
Fight through,
And hope the sun will come out eventually.

I love the nights when the sky melts in the sea and they appear to be one.
The boats in the harbor seem to be floating peacefully among the stars.
These are the moments I feel amazing.
These summer nights remind me of the world's natural beauty
And remind me to appreciate the little things
Like car rides and ice cream.

I can't continue playing these games,
And act like it's okay when you ignore my comments.
I can't continue suppressing the urge to grab your face and kiss you,
Only to feel your warmth and security.
I can't continue biting my tongue every time I wish to proclaim my admiration for you,
And my hope for our future.
I can't continue feeling like the way you neglect me is normal,
And that my constant doubt and fearful thoughts are average ones.
I can't continue seeing you fall for me, and for other girls,
And pretend that when you hold me at night that it's okay,
Because your arms make me warm,
And your eyes make me safe.
I can't continue pretending that I'm fine,
And pretend that leaving me behind doesn't make me feel lost,
Like a cloud of smoke has suddenly clouded my vision,
And I can no longer taste your yearning for my love.
I can't continue doubting our existence,
Especially for the second time.

The unbreakable have limits of wearing and tearing,
As does my heart.
At times I wonder about it's durability, and question if my idea of it is wrong.
For I used to think it was as fragile as fine china, gathering dust in an antique fair somewhere in the South.
But now I realize it is as cold and dense as the winter ground.
This small heart of mine has seen the rain, it has seen the darker days.
It has been swallowed and chewed, and tasted and tortured, time after time after time.
But the times it is appreciated brings it to its fullest potential.
I believe now that it is its happiest.

I look at the world from above and wonder why I am no longer scared.
Is it perhaps because I have found my meaning, or is it because my heart has learned to love?

Love is a beautiful thing.
Love is compassionate, love is forgiving,
Love is unpredictable.
Then again, so is pain.
Pain is harsh, pain is cruel,
Pain is unpredictable.
Pain and love go hand and hand,
But love is deceiving.
Love comes in masked as a lovely odor.
It smells like a cool breeze sometimes,
At other times cheap candles and rose petals,
And at other times asphalt.
Love, however, leaves just as soon as it comes.
Love will knock on your door, and you will embrace it will arms wide open.
You don't know why you do, but you do.
Love nurtures you, and comforts you,
And makes you feel special.
But love is selfish.
Love will leave.
And when love leaves pain will come up right behind you,
Pick you up off the ground,
Clean up your mess,
Help you to your bed,
And let you cry.
Pain doesn't embrace you.
Pain surely does not love you.
But pain will listen to you.
And once pain slowly makes its way towards your door,
On a warm sunny day,
You won't even notice it's departure.
You'll get out of bed,
Look outside,
And feel that cool breeze once again.

My heart is shattered and scattered across the floor.
Where were you to sweep up the dust;
To put me together and bring my heart back where it was?
Are you too lazy to care anymore?

If I was a flower I thought you were the bee;
Flying around and seeing all there was to see.
But, I know now that you were nothing but a pest,
Breaking off my petals and creating a mess.

If I was a cloud I thought you were the rain;
Pouring down to explore the world,
But always coming back again.
However this time I realize you stayed on the ground;
Never coming back and creating a drought.

My heart is shattered and scattered across the floor,
And you're not here to pick me up anymore.
So, I'll get down on my knees and collect all the pieces,
Remembering the day I realized I don't need this.