The strands hanging from her Selsun Blue scalp
like pasty, jittery children's legs;
beyond buckwheat, before bottle-ship shoulders.
And she's so kind with her philosphy books and new diet,
I think back to when she was four and where she believed in me,
for the first time.

Her jawline is made up of alien angles,
she has tattooed forearms;
peach fuzz skin decorated with cheap, olive maps,
pointing towards a choreographed heart,
towards a neon mind.

And she has one thousand paper coffee cups
discarded across the urban earth,
spilling out onto the asphalt jungle,
much like every chance she gives.
Bloodied and twenty-four,
an abstract thought in a lonely existence.
I've never known.

And this isn’t some sad love poem about how I still love you
I don’t

But out of all of my mistakes, you’re still my favorite

150
I sleep more than I eat
my stomach is filled with pink pills and the air smells just like ****
140
molly makes me sick
so I only do it in honor of big events
like not getting invited to prom
130
I don't sleep anymore
I always have a ****** nose
I tell my mom it's allergies
it's really coke
120
my face has sunken like a ship
the black around my eyes is haunting
my dad says I look thin
he says beautiful
110
I tuck myself away with the rest of my skeletons
that's all I am
100
no sense in getting up anymore
I can't.

did you know I drag myself out of bed with six lines in the mornings
did you know I sniffle more than I blow because it's the blow I'm trying to push down my throat
that cringe worthy drip is all I'm living for anymore
did you know I've been high for five years
constantly patting away nose bleeds and I chipped all of my teeth
did you know that addiction is something we made up in our heads
that being high is only as good as the crash
did you know when I was sixteen I tried to get sober
did you know when I was sixteen I said **** it because the crash was way better than waking up alone
cause now I don't bother waking up
or ever going to sleep
or eating
did you know I find some sick pleasure in watching the scale drop
and I ain't never gonna tell nobody
did you know my smile was cut by razor blades
along with six lines of something bitter
did you know..
well no, of course not

With 8 billion people in the world,
You'd think it would be
Impossible to feel so isolated.
So tough to explain,
I'm frustrated,
This is complicated,
I feel like my soul has been obliterated,
Mutilated, and violated.
I can't think straight,
And no, I'm not gay,
Just a little confused
Feeling battered and abused,
My heart's been misused
And I have been accused
Of using others, when I'm the one being used.

And in that moment
I fell for you like a bullet to the chest;
You took my breath away
As I had fallen
So deeply in love with you.

I fell for your trap,
It must've been clear to see,
That I wasn't anything to you,
But you were my ecstasy.
I got high in your presence,
And came down in your absence,
To me when we were together,
We were like a mixer and absinthe.
Little did I know,
You were the sin in absinthe,
And my love for you left me feeling
Blinded in a labyrinth.
You were always so perfect,
You were my ecstasy,
But I was your nothing;
You just wanted your ex to see.
You see, that's the difference,
In the two types of people;
There's those of us full of love,
And those, like you, full of evil.

Am I that easy to leave?