You are not your mother
And you are not your father.
Your life is your own
And the only sins
you should have to cary
Are the ones you commit.

I might have been twenty
when I had this thought.
Good family, material ease -
she really should
snap out of it.

This was before
I'd ever stumbled
into fruitless darkness,
when mood and circumstance
seemed one and the same.

I thought myself magnanimous
when rather than judging
I rationalised.
"Perhaps we're hard wired
to seek problems to solve,"
I pondered,
"so where there are none,
we create them."

But now
instead of second-hand accounts
of days in bed,
ill-fated relationships
and unaccountable weeping,
I read her own words.

And I am staggered,
inspired,
by her strength
and her insight,

and by how little
we can know of each other
until we are ready
to learn.

718

I meant to find Her when I came—
Death—had the same design—
But the Success—was His—it seems—
And the Surrender—Mine—

I meant to tell Her how I longed
For just this single time—
But Death had told Her so the first—
And she had past, with Him—

To wander—now—is my Repose—
To rest—To rest would be
A privilege of Hurricane
To Memory—and Me.

Repressing emotions is kinda my thing
See I don't have any artistic talent so painting a picture of my sadness would only cause more stress
I have a certain degree of athleticism but running when you want to cry is a losing battle (trust me)
Poetry helps distract for a few minutes but writing truth can make facing it harder
And talking? To people? About my sadness??? Don't be silly, my friends are awful at hiding both their pity and their boredom and neither one is welcome
And my parents would tell me to stop being over dramatic which is even more unwelcome
So yeah, I keep everything buried for as long as possible and when it emerges I say I'm tired and cry in the shower

Why does my life feel like a test I didn't study for?

i used to swim a lot.
  i swam so much,
    my mum used to call me a mermaid.
      i'd take three deep breaths,
        then dive into the pool head first.
          & even though i was told not to,
            i'd keep my eyes open.
             as i swam,
            merely inches from the bottom,
          i kept my eyes wide open.
        i'd see the rays of light,
      breaking through the surface.
    as i swam,
  wiggling like a mermaid,
deep beneath the water,
  i kept my eyes wide open.
    i'd happily watch,
      as the lines of light,
        danced across the floor.
          to me, those reflections
            at the bottom of the pool,
            looked like marble tiles,
             lines of blue smoke,
            or lights from shiny shells.
          it was always peaceful.
        graceful,
      magical,
    beautiful,
  it was always my happy place.
& your eyes...
  they're pale blue,
    with little hints of green.
      & i stare at the lines of blue,
        dancing in your irises.
          it's as if the goddesses
            of the water
              have blessed you,
            with shards of water.
          shards of where my heart is home.
        & when i miss my happy place,
      all i need to do,
    is dive myself into your eyes.
  because your eyes
are my happy place.

there stood the plaintiff
her eyes were filled with grief
she struggled to speak
too tired, too weak

o, believe me
judge and jury
hear out my plea
hear out my story
that man is a criminal!
he is worse than an animal!

he is guilty of robbery
he stole my heart with the threat of leaving me

he is guilty of fraud
a sly scoundrel we must all applaud
he is the master of fabrication
he has an outstanding skill in deception
he fed me with all the ******* he devised
with the most convincing lines and perfect lies

that man is a killer
he is guilty of ******
he did not use any weapon
but his words are poison
more lethal than a gun
more damage done
it did not pierced my skin but it crushed my soul
left my heart with a sempiternal hole
it was worse than the sharpest knife
i may still breathe but believe me, he took my life

and so came the lawyer
he stood for the defendant's answer*

he is not guilty of robbery
you gave your heart willingly
knowingly and voluntarily

he is not guilty of any form of deception
you were a fool from your own volition
you chose to believe
you were willing to be deceived
you knew the lies he always say
but you believed it anyway

this was neither a case of ******
it was not the fault of your lover
it was suicide
for you had the power to decide
you could just walk away
but you always chose to stay
you had the power
to leave your lover
to find another
you knew better
you are aware of love's diabolical scheme
you are a willing victim

o, believe me
judge and jury
won't you take my side?
isn't it love is a form of suicide?