afraid of being alive without living,
despite knowing life is better off not living
nothing but a walking desperation,
on a world that does not exist for the broken

I'm delighted
To welcome you
Into my world
Follow me
As i stumble my way
Through the
splendid tapestry
Of vastly intricate labyrinths
In my mind
Walk tenderly
Holding my hand
through the
Melodically creaking corridors
In my heart
And feel the
Cooling atlantic currents
That may slightly dishevel
Your well groomed countenance
Standing within the
silent chambers
Of my soul
But before you
Turn to leave
Please don't forget
To tell me
If you'd like to
Visit again someday
Perhaps stay
For an extended period
Of time
Can i conjure
A blissful possibility
This time

And thats when i realized
I was losing myself
That part of me
that edulged in sunlight rays
Late night reads and
lazy days
I kissed out of passion
never boredom
and prefer heartbreak
over loneliness
Life had a meaning
written in leather binded
journals and sparkly red ink
It was soft to the touch
and smelled of lemony
citrus
It did not make a sound
Yet it had a voice so beautiful
it made your mind
crash like tidal waves
against your skull
My mind now is nothing
but decay
what it once was seemed
to never exist
not a sign left behind
no emptiness
as if it had never been filled
The nothingness now something
and it was numbing to feel
That want to feel
literally anything
was now a desire to feel nothing
like an empty tv screen
buzzing alone 4:35 at night

The writhing rememberances
Bitter Weeping repentances
Tense futile wait for acceptances
Palid light's reflections
Twangling trembling infections
Dot dashing tricks of frictions
Pitch dark woods of addictions
Echoing barks and their inspections
Shuttles striking with aggressions
Groaning desolate night's successions

Sometimes when I look at the ocean
I can see my reflection
The deep blue illuminated
By the pale moon

I look and see myself
But something is different
I can’t tell if there are ripples in the water
Or if my facade can not be mirrored

First I look at  my eyes
As normal as can be
What most see as sparkling
I see as empty

Then I gaze my lips
Pretty plump and round
Everyone sees a smile
But all I see is a frown

At last I try to study my heart
Everyone thinks it’s a diamond
But I know that’s not true
Because it’s actually just coal
Waiting to be burned
And turned into ash

There will never be enough words for you.
Probably that’s why I keep trying.
But what you mean to me is a swell of feeling, something I don’t know how to find voice for.
Not all the way.
You ask me for an explanation, for reason, for words when they don’t exist.
I am pleonastic, skin covered in scrawled ink,
But I can’t give you what you want,
Can’t give you something that is swimming so large inside me.
Because what I feel for you is more than me, more than I have ever had contained within me before.
I love you like you’re mine.

His Spanish accent seems to flow off his lips like rose water and honey
The sugary sound of his lies and the salt from his troubled past tastes like something you’d get at a carnival
Sticky and sweet
His eyes the color of burnt leaves  
And the bronze of his tossled hair
Makes me want to lunge at him with all my force
Makes me want to demand for his love
Makes me want him to forget about his darkness and love me with all of his inner being
To be consumed by him
To be his everything
But
That can’t happen
Because the only thing he’ll ever love are his addictions