I have never stuttered in pen
misspoken in ink
or choked in my writing
the way I do
whenever I speak
my fingertips always know
the right words to say
my tongue is still learning

mommy's first mistake.
hair and eyes the color of freshly mixed mud.
too small and lumpy.

passed off to daddy like a hot potato.
that potato grew.
and now i'm daddy's regret too.

the emotion i'm most intuned with is (sadness disguised as) anger.
i'm angry (sad) that I am the way I am.
i'm angry (sad) that people can't fix me.
i'm angry (sad) that I keep being misunderstood by the people I thought knew me the best.

my stitches keep bursting open.
from beneath a red valley rushes towards the surface.

making eye contact with my reflection -
I am not looking at me.

i'm angry (sad) I can't feel the love others ****** towards me.
It doesn't feel real.
Disingenuous at best.
i'm angry (sad) everyone has their distraction  except for me.
i'm angry (sad) that my motivation is being weaned by anxiety.

Love her like
She's the raging sea,
Unrestrained and dark and deep.
And you crave her touch
Through aching pores
As you slowly drown in sleep.

Love her like
She's the tender storm,
A lovely shade of grey.
Like with every whiff
Of breath she takes,
She's taking yours away.

Love her like
She's the silent clouds
With calmness floating by.
Like you'd want to make
Sweet love to her
Under the moon's apocalyptic eye.

Love her like
She's the blazing fire,
And you lust the candied pain.
Like she's the disease
That swallowed you whole
And you'd like to die again.

When her gentle touch
Makes your chest explode,
And your addiction is your girl.
Promise you'll love her
Through hell and back,
Or don't you dare love her at all.

It's funny how just a smile from you can make my day. I hate the effect you have on me. I wonder when did life become so complicated.