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1.1k · Dec 2014
not a real thought
i'll never stop believing in the past.
look at me and wonder
one last time.
voice to me your heart
eye to eye.
you feel too, you've told me so
over and over again. still,
understanding came too slowly

for me.
A little bit pathetic. A little bit scorned. I can't expect this to echo far, but if you hear it there's something. Did you voice your heart? Did you ever feel? One letter away from knowing.
947 · Oct 2014
Snare
It's okay.
It will be alright.
I won't lie awake
Throughout the night.
This is good.
It's what I wanted.
Don't be upset when
It all goes Wrong.
So wrong.

My poultices
Were poisonous,
Infecting her
Open wounds.
For every tear
I thought to shed
she'd already bled tenfold.

I couldn't see?
I didn't know?
I claimed affection...
Yet it didn't show?

It's too late now
For me
To turn back
What has been done.
I'll hold Her Heart close
In memories
Alone.
I love you. I always will.
I am truly sorry.
849 · Dec 2014
trails
The tears leave paths
down my face
across my self
Cutting deep in grooves
Indentations
where I can still feel
You

Your touch
running across my cheeks
falling
I walk down those trails
aimlessly
because you are still
there
650 · Jan 2015
Notreallyathingseriously
Will you wear a mask for them? A painted plastic shell for them? The ones that bid you no farewell and sent you sugar while you fell, so far. Deeper than Yggdrasil's roots, farther than forever. Wear your Other proudly now, no man is your brother.
Just a little thingymabob I wrote... blabbed? Jottered? It ended up in text so no worries in any case. Burly Meatballs for all.
585 · Dec 2014
thaw
It's cold in here
beneath flesh and bone
otherwise ignored.
Wake me when it's warmer.
When the songs are lifted through branches filled with heat.
For now I'll survive.
It's going to be a long winter.
Everything will be alright.
My shadow told me so.
582 · Sep 2014
High Fructose
As with any cloying flavor,
It would seem you've had your fill.
Sugar sweetness had its way
but now you spit the swill.
You took all that I had to give,
You barely stopped to chew.
Our cake sat atop a pedestal
Left to stale
One of the few.
Now we're left with crumbs on bedsheets
And cavities of the heart.
A sweettooth brought us together
But hunger tore us apart.
Just some negative reminiscing.
501 · Sep 2014
Distance
In your absence
My heart beats hollow.
440 · Oct 2014
Move along. Ignore this.
A child called to me.
"Hello over there."
I didn't respond.
"Thank you for your service, mister."
I pretended not to hear her.

I was invited to dance later that night.
"Will you join me?"
I refused.
"Do you want to go get a drink?"
My false smile evaporated.

I could go on. This isn't even worth reading. I just have nobody to talk to and so much to say. I only wish listeners weren't so full of flesh and blood.
340 · Dec 2014
a haiku I guess
What am I to you,
The space where a painting hung?
Just a vacancy?
I don't know which of us is pretending harder. It's like the opposite of having your cake and eating it too... scraping sweet nothings into the trash and setting them on fire. I wish that it wasn't keeping me up at night. I don't know how long I'm going to feel the thumping numbness in my chest. It scares me. I'd rather bleed so I could know that something really was awry. Right now it feels like everything is okay with you and that hurts. I understand though. I'm not what you need. More likely, I'm not what you want. Wanted. Needed. Past tense. I can't get there. I can't call it the past. That would be giving up. Admitting defeat. Loss. Is there supposed to be a winner in love? Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm trying to win a game of hearts that can't exist. You tell me you want to be alone. Your heart isn't telling me that. I want to help you but you say I lost my chance. I didn't realize how easy that would be. When you tell me you don't know what we were, or what you're feeling, I know that it's a mask. I understand though. I don't deserve to see inside your veil...

I don't think I can stop feeling for you. Sorry ahead of time. I'm a terrible friend.

The rush of it all keeps moving me in a cycle. I can't feel the tug but it pulls me and pushes my head beneath the surface. I see you in the stream for a fleeting moment. Your light is too bright not to notice, even within her cage. I'm handing you iron to reinforce your cell and it only makes you sink faster. You're saved soon enough, because you simply aren't there. The ephemeral sight of you leaves me broken in the water. I drink to my lungs' content.

This isn't meant to be read but I know you hate to see words deleted and erased. As if the small gesture of posting whatever this is with a footnote from hell will save me from the oblivion that is not knowing you.

Oh well. I can just keep on swimming. Hoping that the current brings me past your prison of shattered light. Stay bright and beautiful. Don't take what I say too seriously. Not even I know what I'm trying to say.
302 · Dec 2014
Regretful
Remembering is easy
I can still see your face
I can still hear your voice
I can feel your hair between my fingers
The hard part comes next,
the knowing
the finality of understanding
these memories are all we'll ever have
When I so desperately need
to be reminded of
the way you frown
and click.
I remember everything
and that makes it hardest
when I look back and see
the way that I poisoned you.
Regret is a really sharp word.
296 · Sep 2014
Slumber
I set sail into night
Silent
Alone
The ebbing light my guide
Drifting
Unsure
Surrounded on all sides
By fears
Like waves
270 · Dec 2014
Ache
It's out of my chest now,
this thudding pain
is not
of me
Instead i get to watch
it beat and struggle
with itself
not sure
Why
it hurts so badly
to simply exist
as one
alone
Not even sure where that was going. It's gone now so it doesn't matter so much I guess.

— The End —