the sky
drizzles
our dinner sizzles
so tired of this
retched soggy
season
some  well rounded wine
a good reason
to take the edge off
today's blah-di-da
the dog comes in
muddy
again
I just know
he's going to be
extra
muddy paw friendly
to his mama

I am hollow and afraid
I wonder - do they see my pain?
I hear echoes of the rain
      the downpour inside my brain
I see the drops falling down
I want to stop them, but
I am hollow and afraid

I pretend I am fine, but
I feel very far from fine
I run my fingers through my hair
I fear judgement, everywhere
I cry inside, but only there, for
I am hollow and afraid

I know they say "life is a wonder"
I say life is a four-letter word
I dream of death, desolation, disaster
I just want it all to end, because
I am so hollow and so afraid

It made me
Sick.

The kind of sick
That books describe
As green,
Ghostly skinned
With red rust noses.

Sick to my stomach
Like when you wake up
At 2:00 AM
And realize that
Something
Is
Not
Right
Before you sprint
Down the hall
To the bathroom
And ***** pizza bagels into the
Pristine marble sink.

It made me sick like
When it gets so bad that
Blowing your nose hurts
Because the extra soft Kleenex
Have scratched your skin raw
Over
And
Over
Again.

It made me sick
When I realized
That it wasn't you that I loved
But the feeling of being loved.

it hurts, you know?
what you say, what you do
i'll put up with it anyway
even when i know it's toxic
your actions fake,
untrue.
it's hard, you know?
when all you do is complain
i listen to it anyway
wishing i had half the problems you do
makes me resentful,
insane.
please know
what i say, what i do
you should put up with anyway
listen and care, compromise
be unselfish and optimistic
even if for an hour,
a day.
i'm tired of not feeling like a person
but this won't escape me
i won't tell you, no
it just hurts
and it's hard
really
you know?

Some are bathing in money
Some can't bathe at all.
Some are given a head start
Some are forced to crawl.

Some have their own maids
Some live on the street.
Some have personal chefs
and some can't eat.

Some sleep in their beds
Some sleep in the snow.
Some are rising to the top
Some are stuck below.

Some work hard and make millions
Some work hard and make none.
Some have so many options
and some wish for just one.

Divide and conquer?
No, divide and fall.
Try giving, not taking
There's enough for us all.