you CAN have your cake
and eat it, too
yes, yes
i know the proverb
says you cannot
but i can override words
and you CAN eat it
and savor it with a smile
in front of everyone
frothy frosting and all
sprinkled sugar mixed
into your confetti cake
delicious
no thank you
one slice was quite enough
i'll be right back
door shuts
and you are back
in an all-too familiar place
cold tile
party smile melted off
your pastry sitting in a pile
as if it knew
it wouldn't be there long
everything so white and clean
but not for long
kneeling, crying
it doesn't take long
for your treat to reappear
a rainbow mess
but hey,
now you still have your cake!
might not taste as sweet
might burn your throat
and break your heart
but i told you
you CAN have your cake
and eat it, too
so get up
wash your hands
stare into the mirror
at someone you don't recognize
her red face
red, tear-stained face
stares in disbelief
but we all know
you'll be back
so wipe it off
grab a mint
plaster that smile back on
you look pretty!
i'll see you at the next party

my mind is muddled mush
scrambled to eggs
from filling up on
mind-numbing affairs
snoozing sedentary sores
and piling up on couch potatoes
eating up seconds
in a Netflix solo party haze
brain over-binging
and melting in the
lack
a
daisical
days
heart restless from resting
and raging from being robbed
walking the dog
to get some "fresh air"
but the road is the same
empty and sad
and if anything
the up down, up down
stop sit go, stop sit go
insensates my thoughts more
until it becomes a
swirling mash of sorrow
and bittersweet bric-a-brac
every article, every email
strikes a match that flickers out
but if it catches a wick,
it erupts, although quick
and anger devours my body
and my brain s c r e a m s
and screeches for escape
each lobe pounding
and punching
my nerves on fire
that dies as fast as it started
and then i'm back
waking to reading to running to dying
oily and oleaginous
all my ponders
pounded back into pulp
my horrible macerated mind

lub dub lub dub
fist clenched in my chest
nerves and nodes grasping the strings
my pacemaker running rampant

lub dub lub dub
each chamber beats and pounds
pressure rising ever higher
millimeters of mercury mounting

lub dub lub dub
my vena cava caving in
my pulmonaries passing out
tight and taut now limp and languid

lub dub lub dub
my atriums crumpling
my ventricles moldering
its contents come spilling

liquid straw spouting
a serum suspending
red discs running
gasping for something
then slowing and clotting

my leukocytes leaking
my platelets melting
blue blood is boiling
crying for something
then breaking and rotting

my strings are snipped
cutting off the circulation
a cardiac collapse
i wanted love to make my heart beat
not bring my arteries pain
i wanted you to make my system complete
but alas it was all in vein

I can no longer convince you to be captivated
by late nights filled with nothing
I can not ****** you with my smooth talk
filled with songs of strange sweet something
I can no longer wheedle you with words
that entice you to want to stay
I can not tantalize you with temptation
so I must find somewhere else to play.

you confuse me.
but that's probably
because my mind
is clouded with
uncertainty
and sprinkled with
champagne stars.
i've been walking
in a fog of feelings
and pushing them
further and further away
with every glass i pour.
it's not fair
to ask someone steady
to walk with someone
so unbalanced
so not ready.
but you like that my
soul is filled with glitter
and i tell myself
that's gotta count for something.

I see it clear as day
Although vision blurred
I feel it, red-hot and stinging.
I see the sky crying, too
The perfect gray
I hear it, bells sweetly ringing.
It all seems so business
So pleasantly polite
So black-hides-the-blue
So completely unlike you.
But there is nothing pleasant
About the gaping hole that widens
And threatens to tear me in two.
How am I supposed to walk these halls
And not think of you?
I will see you everywhere.
I hope you know that.
I will see you in the rain  
I will see you in the red and white
I will see you in the green and gold
Doesn’t matter if time dulls the pain
Doesn’t matter if day arrives from night
Doesn’t matter if I’m suddenly old
I feel as though I’ve lived a lifetime
Or twenty.
Life is full of hard rocks
But this
This pelts me with enough
To break down a building.
And I’m broken
Melted into the fresh dirt dug up
I smell it, to the earth I’m clinging.
You are gone
I see that clear as day
But you cannot leave
I cannot bury the memories
I hope you know
I’m not even going to try.
Because they can take you away
But to me, you’ll never die.