through clenched teeth and a taut jaw
i tell you i love you
but that love is mired with
your lies,
your tainted lullabies,
your hollowed eyes.

like pulling teeth
and salt on an open wound
your kiss,
your touch,
your embrace
does nothing but bring distaste.

the answer seems clear:
there is no love here
yet i cling to you still.

she was addicted to the taste of his lips,
for it was the drug that helped quiet her aching soul.

the bed feels empty without you
knowing you're wrapped in another's sheets
your arm draped over her still frame
your breath tickling her neck
your heart beating in tune with hers
while the silence blankets me.

you are mine
and you are hers.

you are ours.

caught in this messy equation
sharing your time between my thighs and hers.
locked in my embrace only to extend your arms to her instead.

i am left haunted by the ghost of your touch,
the lingering caress of your lips,
the dusty trail of your tongue.

echoes of a wistful remembrance
shattered by the cruel lace of reality
leaving my body icy where i lay

yet your body is keeping her warm tonight.

you hold pieces of me that are so fragile
that even the simplest whisper of wind
could whisk them away.

you were my sun
the center of my universe
but i was not yours

you had different stars in your galaxy
a whole world that was completely foreign to me

see the name
that slipped past your lips
while our limbs were tangled together
was not mine

it was then that i realized
you wanted me to be her

but the thing is
i am not her
& i will never be her

we are two shadows
walking through
a collective darkness
with regret
nipping
at our ankles

his words slither into my ear
laced with the most saccharine poison

he crawls under my skin
and turns my body into his home --
a parasite leeching off a blissfully ignorant host

we are
the embers
of a tired flame

your lips don't taste the same

your eyes are lackluster
empty like your arms
as you turn away from me
leaving silence as my only company

how is it that
two lovers
could be such strangers
in a place that we had once called home?

you feel like both
heaven & hell

the greatest elation
& the fiercest misery

you ravage my body
with lips masked in honey
& a tongue dipped in
the most wicked sin

i should know better than this--
to play your games when i know
i will be split open
left shattered
only to have to pick up the pieces
& sew myself back together again

but how can i
when your poison
tastes
so
sweet

It’s days like this that I’ll think of you
Days with the kind of cold that bites your skin
And days with the kind of wind that knocks you off your feet
Much like how your words cut into me that night
And how the heartbreak stole the breath right from my lungs

It’s days like this that I’ll crave the warmth of your embrace
Days when I’m hungry for the taste of your lips

It’s days like this that make my bed feel especially empty
Leaving me to wonder whose arms you’ve wandered into for the night
Because I know it won’t be mine

You did not forge these words lightly.
I know because you said them through your teeth.
It was late—maybe one or two. You said it quietly and through the phone.
There are some things you didn’t say and some that you wish you had and some that you wished you hadn’t said at all.

But these were the words that brought us down from when we were on top of the world.

You told me I wasn’t the only one.

As you said these words, all I could hear were the echoes of the truths that you whispered when you thought I was sleeping—and the lies you said while you were drunk and I was crying and suddenly it felt
Like there were too many miles between us.

Then, when it was all over, you told me you still loved me
Except this time, I knew to discern your lies from your half-truths.

I’ll think about you sometimes
In the dead of the night
When silence blankets the earth
And fills the emptiness in my mind

I’ll find that the ghost of a smile will find its way to my lips,
Lifting the corners of my mouth
And kindling a spark that later blooms with all the fury of a flame

I’ll think of how you held me against your chest
And all the sweet nothings you whispered with every breath

I’ll think of how we laughed when you pulled the covers over our heads
And we hid underneath the sheets,
Kissing like the sun kisses the sky when it rises from the East

I’ll think of how your fingers twined with mine as exhaustion took hold
And in that moment we were happy
But happiness is fragile and we were bound to break it,
Weren’t we?

And as I lie here in the quiet,
With my thoughts as my only company
I know that these are all your ways of saying,
“I’m yours and you’re mine,”
Without letting those unspoken words actually tumble past your lips
Because that would mean falling
And you have a fear of heights.

like a quiet roll of thunder on a warm summer night,
you enter my mind.
a soft hum of remembrance of a long night spent locked in each other's embrace, our lips captive to one another.
I find myself breathless all over again as undulates of moments wash over me like the waves that eat away at a cliff's edge.
I must admit that you have intoxicated me with your touch, your kiss, the warmth of your breath on my lips...
and I curse you for doing just that.

the ghost of you lingers on my lips
the echo of your touch on the curve of my waist
I remember every shaking breath,
every sweet nothing you whispered between my thighs...
with every kiss I could taste little bits of me mixed with little bits of you mixed with the liquor you had been drinking that night
and I remember thinking that I liked the way you tasted.
then you took my hand and held it and I could see a spark in your eye that hinted of mischief and carnal desire.
and so you traced every curve of my body with your tongue
and then you painted my chest and my neck with marks that screamed, "she's mine," even if it was only for a fleeting moment.
and then the night grew old and the sun began to rise and I found myself stumbling out your door, newly addicted to the way you had made me feel.