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My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.
I miss you
More than honestly I ever thought I would
I remember the nights like they were yesterday
And I wish they were
I remember when we’d speed down the street
Brown, paper bags in our laps
The distinct smell of a good burger
Draping the air as we headed into the sunset
We’d stop and get a movie
Something cheesy, stupid looking
We’d want something to laugh at
Through our unconventional humor
And we’d drink away our troubles
Maybe that’s where we went wrong
But I still remember you, brother
In the place that you belong.

You left one day, to pursue the ocean
I smiled because you would no longer
Be so lonely.
I was the only thing you had here.
On the beach, you’d have family
You’d have people
To make you not feel so empty
And you could carry a case
Of that stout you liked so much
And drink it as the waves
Washed away your troubles.
I hoped luck might find you
But she’s a two-faced dancer
Where did things go wrong?
I wish I had the answer.

Instead of luck
Dancing with you
Maybe making some love
With your lonely heart
She bit your neck
Until you bled out onto that
Cheap carpet in your
Apartment bedroom
And the loneliness and the depression
All came out with the drugs
And when I got that call
About my friend
Who despite me not getting around
To calling in a few months
Considered me close enough
To have as his emergency contact
Died one morning
How he felt such pain in his heart
He decided to blow it up
Explode the pain and alcoholism
Everywhere
Until the pages of those comics we’d read
Were stained in a coat of tears
That I’d cry from grief.

I kept wanting to write you
Some kind of letter
Even though I knew you’d never get it
I typed and erased so many texts
My fingers got tired
And my brain weakened
From this new found pain that I had never felt
Losing you has made my soul melt
And the only thing I hope
Is that somewhere you are out there
In the afterlife I don’t believe in
Drinking your ale
With the last sunset we never watched.
 Feb 2018 Ginny Vollor
Maverick
I want to light 

My couch on fire

Because whenever I turn the corner

All I see is you 

Running your fingers

Through my hair

While I’m looking up 

Smiling

Then I blink

And you disappear.

I don’t keep 

My phone on me

Anymore

What’s the point?

Your name won’t show up

And everyone else is white noise

Compared to your bass

That revived the butterflies 

Making them dance in

What now is a vacant space.

I’m thinking 

If I keep myself busy

Maybe my heartbreak 
won’t catch up to me

But this day will end

I’ll run out of breath

The pinnacle of my anxiety

Crushes me like a train

For now my nightmare is living

A sunset without you again.
Aftermath
Sit down darling, it's mourning
The moment we decide
if what we have
Is dead or still alive

The moment the questions rein in
My pen and paper
Don't have enough ink
To feel the lust of emotions
To the thoughts of
You and him again

Sit down , darling relax
No need to make excuses
Come up with reasons
Why this possibility
Is still a reoccurring event
Not that it would matter
You and me

Just a test

Sit down darling, and ***
60 seconds
Feels like an hour waiting on
Moments of disbelief
To apologize or not
Doesn't change that something happened
Doesn't change a kiss
Doesn't change laying up
With him and you

Sit down darling, it's 30 seconds left
Your eyes vs mines
To walk away and leave
Or would it hurt more
to ignore hurt
And
stay through honesty ?
Like before nothing is obsolete
When things are inevitable
Between
Chemistry and long-ago love

Sit down darling, a few seconds more

Between
Omission and truth

Where u decide to take things to yo grave
Or be honest with your long-term partner

Sit down darling, the results are in

Just another test
On how far ur love goes or ends

(A.C.E)
PS.Cunningham(A.C.E) the spellings of some of the words u might think should be different like mourning vs morning etc. I chose mourning etc.  these are feelings within feelings
 Apr 2017 Ginny Vollor
shåi
her mind
wove assorted ornaments
          of vivid hues

each stitch
      an alternate reality
a story she wished she knew

her view,
a distant spectacle--
a casual onlooker
upon the lovely scene

emotions spin
      making its own ball of yarn
a tight knot forms

she is
her own
great nightmare

distorted reflections
grimace in horror
                her own doing

a black sea
bubbles and gurgles
liquifying sensual sins

beauty hides
the facade
         of her own madness

(b.d.s.)
every year
grandpa tells
the same story
over and over
like he's saying
it for the first time
he loves walking
in his own puddles
it would be
at the dinner table
during
Christmas and Thanksgiving
there's a candle lit table
waiting for good cheer
not ours
we stood sentry
to grandpa's story
as our faces glowed in horror
grandpa had that effect
he would begin
by looking at grandma
at the other end of the table
a nervousness in hers
and with a gleam in his eye
and a broken record inside
he began
there once was bag of marbles
... ha, ha
he would actually say that
and inside
all the shiny marbles cling and clung together
... ha, ha
your grandma and I
... get this
we were a red and yellow marble
and the exception
as his voice raced faster
his eyes bigger
his face a sweet melody
and he's so kid like, and he's eighty
..." we banged"
..." we banged"
the words coming out juvenile
perhaps from a drunk,
but he doesn't drink
then
on cue
he prompts us to say
you what?
"we banged"
"we banged"
..."your grandma
was in my back pocket"
his face lighting up in a smile
his eyes and ears peeking, waiting
for applause
and we did ... we did
grandma
her face beet red
she would look around the table
her eyes looking at the turkey
back at him, back at the turkey
we could read her mind
every year the same story
that's grandpa
grandma, for her part
would always
bask in grandpa's puddles

LR-4/24/17
In the back of cars, in the restroom stalls
human nature draws contracts
with give and take as the norm
some for pleasure, some want control

the bond is there for the cash
where some connect for no bucks
transaction is the alternative
this for that, then separate

they say joy is had by all
this is far from the mark
survival is the claim of one
while the other seeks to control

power stems from the wallet
differential in power’s game
don’t forget the mastery
it’s held by the one who pays

in its wake the die is cast
contracts bleeding the two souls
leaving something there to die
in back of cars, in restroom stalls.

© 2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170424.
The poem “In Restroom Stalls” is based on an incomplete poem stub prompted by a competition about prostitution.   I finished it out, emphasizing the power differential and uneven spiritual nature of flesh for money trades.
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