Grey of days
Nights of told
Spin of wheels
Clouds of cold

Black of days
Rise to know
Awake of cover
Hands bellow

Red of days
Warmth of freeze
Doves to call
Begin the breeze

Green of days
Depth of roots
Flow what tears
Arrow that shoots

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

i have been persuaded
kneeled down
beg to end-
hide-and-seek game
will you-
yes,
You

I wonder what you’d think of me
I wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you remember  me
I wonder if you want to remember  me
I wonder if you’ve cried over me

I miss you
I want you
I need you
I love you

I wonder if you miss me
I wonder if you want me
I wonder if you need me
I wonder if you love me

I imagine you
I see pictures of you
I wish for you
I beg for you

I wonder if you imagine me
I wonder if you see pictures of me
I wonder if you wish for me
I wonder if you beg for me

I wish you were mine.

you always encouraged me to become a poet
yet i told you
that the words i needed
was too hard to find

then one day, you left me
and the words i had needed for so long
came to me
like snow falls on a december day

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling