Remembering our love
I remember how you use to touch me,
How you'd pull me toward you and all you wanted to do was love me,
I remember how you'd be so sweet calling me baby making me feel like My world was complete,
I Remember how i felt life again and how you swept me right from underneath my feet,
I remember how every night you wanted me in your arms as we held each other while we'd sleep,
I remember waking up each morning in each other's arms ready to start the day off right,
I remember Holding hands in public walking proud cause i was with you,
I remember the day I said I do how you took my last name it was a dream I Thought would never come true,
I remember us being happy with nothing to fear just happy to have me near,
Then I remember the day that all disappeared,
I remember the day we started to have problems oh how unsettling that feeling of fear not knowing when I could touch you or even come near,
I guess I'm just remembering  oh how I wish this all wasn't real.

After thinking long and hard,
Of what I'd wish upon a star,
Now the decision is very clear,
But how does one wish for darkness and fear,
My life has been cloudy and left out in the rain,
I've hit to many stops signs,
Its become Grotius when falling not feeling a thing,
Not brave enough to do it myself,
Only a wish that I wish for myself,
Darkness as my eyes close,
I begin to freeze,
Into a deep sleep which then I'll disappear,
No more heart break,
No more tears and definitely no more fears,
No more pain not a worry,
Only a memory that will become blurry,
But then at least my life will finally get to end,
Especially when this life is over and my new one gets to begin,
But that's like asking for rain without thunder but you always will get the sun,
So let my life be over,
So Reincarnation can start over.

I wish that one day,
I have the opportunity to say,
That this part of my life is just like a **** or a bump and Soon it will pass us,
Then when I'm past this I will finally will get a chance to grasp this,
I really hope I get second chances,
But I only wish for a chance to say this in another day when my life is finally passed this,
so cross your fingers and  hope For second chances,
For this is my life and thats why I wish
To eventually pass this.

The off white walls as the paint is beginning to peal, the foundation has shifted, Washed faded teal tiles cold and sticky chipping away, The  microwave place on top of the 3 legged fridge slides every time it's ajar, old wooden dresser missing the bottom draw as the other two grow mold inside from the dampness of the floor, An old Orange curtain  hanging to the left of the window,  barely hanging on the broken rod, as the TV sits in the corner faces the wall, single sink with the medicine cabinet with the cloudy mirror, This is my room for the night, me and my "pup" will get to sleep tonight,  So sitting here with him, we listen to all the sounds and noises, smelling the stench of a burning cigarette, look out the window to only see trash over flowing, people talking in the room beside me,  I try to hold it inside me, but then I let it loose and tears start to fall, then I stop knowing I need to be strong, at least from my "pup",  I tried to show no weakness, these emotions of mine get the best out of us sometimes, dragging him along he always feels when I feel wrong, and when I'm down he's down, I always see it when were out as he walks along, side by side I look down and see my little shadow prancing along, Together we are a whole, hard falls and slippery roads. No matter what always there to pick each other up. I know I made it this far because my little shining star, I owe it to him for keeping me up this far.

I put myself through the test,
failing is what I know best,
Not a chance of glory,
I try not to worry,
Because the results are always the same,
That's how I play the game,
Never completing just always cheating,
Dreams of dreaming and nothing achieving,
Standing in line that never ends fine,
That hopeless dream that wonderful thought that future that withholds your special spot,
It always seems right in the beginning that's true but towards the end we all know what's in store for me and you, You'll achieve the dream wonderful life,
I'll sit on the sidelines feeling nothing only despite,
So I hold my breath and count to 10 knowing this is my destiny till the end.

Every minute that passes is a minute that is wasted (at least in my life),
Happiness is far from where i stand,
Forgiveness isn't close enough to even understand,
Blame is common and unsureness is the world I live in,
Hope is far fetch and with luck I'm usually feeling ******,
Failure is what I'm used to, Disappointment is how it goes,
I never see myself standing,
Just always on my tippy toes,
I used to hold on to everything,
Now I've learned to let it all go, Independent I never was,
Just dependent that's how it was,
The cord was cut Then I fell,
Hitting the floor,
Now I'm crawling along the cold wet floor.

Not sure of tomorrow or where will End up,
Not many choices or even resources, It makes me want to just give up,
Here at a friends ill stay for the night, Im Staring out his window at all the people that have no where to lay for the night,
Wondering how long I got before I have to go,
Only in time I will really know,
but for tonight I'll sleep in this chair until the morning light I'll have to go somewhere,
This city once felt like home,
but now feels like no man zone,
no where to go,
no where to go,
I don't think of tomorrow because I really don't know

My hope is gone,
I don't feel very strong ,
Making it work always seems wrong,
Sitting in a room where I feel I don't belong,
Trying to understand where I went  wrong,
What am I hearing those voices in the air,
They're always telling me to be very scared,
I look around the room but there's nobody ever there,
Lonely and afraid that I'll never see the happiness of a day,
The cold room is Damp,
Theirs a smell in the air,
I try to figure out how I even got here,
I stop and I think,
Then I realized,
I put myself here.

I wants had many friends,
I was social and Popular,
Life was good didn't think it would change,
One day I woke up and nothing was the same,
That's when it all happened and started to begin,
I lost my control and don't know why,
33 years old,
feeling  like I'd rather die,
no more control,
It interferes in my life,
the soul begins to rip out my chest,
my soul I'm dying inside,
Day to day,
Week to week,
Month after month,
I hide in the shadows,
They begin to fade,
I hope not to see another day,
I no longer can work hardly go anywhere,
When will this stop I hate feeling so scared,
Only leaving the room for appointments cause I hate being anywhere,
Everyday is pretty much the same,
When I go somewhere I put myself through all the shame,
I start my journey along the streets,
Walking to the bus I hold my breath deep,
Knowing what will happen,
I try not to fuss,
Keeping myself together,
In my mind that's a must,
Oh I can feel it,
It's starting to creep,
I don't want to cry because no more attention I want from anyone's eye's,
I get on the bus I sit in a chair,
Before you know it people start to stare,
Got my hoodie over my head,
My hat turndown tight,
Trying to hide myself,
These feelings aren't right,
I can't take the embarrassment of showing my face,
Hoping nobody will remember me being in this place,
Some people might stand up and move away,
My presence is hard to bare cause i know,
I feel it everywhere,
Can't really blame them if they move to another chair,
But that's when I know It's another one of those days,
I just look down hoping This will all just go away,
My destination is getting near,
I can see it from here,
I began to stand up and it's obviously
clear,
I don't look back at seat,
Afraid someone might say something
to make me feel more incomplete,
I have a mental illness,
How could this be,
I've always been normal,
Never was there anything wrong with me,
Triple diagnosis that wasn't me,
High anxiety psychosis
schizophrenia,
How could this be,
I was the one that people wanted around,
Now I  definitely can't be found,
The phone use to ring all the time,
Now it doesn't even make a sound,
I can't even walk into a store without my anxiety starting a war,
My sweat starts to drip right to the floor,
My shirt is soaked,
My hoodie is too,
Along with my pants,
I don't know what to do,
It's like I fell into a lake,
Or wet my pants,
Sometimes i wonder if that's even a chance,
So I live my life alone and sad,
Can't be around people and this make's me mad,
I'm a  prisoner locked up in my own space,
Wishing that one day I'll wake up and this won't be the case,
I want my life back,
I want my wish to come true,
I want to be me again,
oh how I wish this would just come true.