You have all the things I need
To prove im more than just a seed.
Merely planted in the dirt
You give me water spurt by spurt.
As I grow into a flower
Their cold souls cast over me like an erie tower
I start to wither. Start to fade.
I am covered in dark shade.
You act as sunlight too,
Turning my skies bright and pale blue.
You warm my heart and rejuvenate life
And remove all my strife.
Pain can not forever end
But can be managed by a true friend.

Monitor
Watching me
Reading over my shoulder
Danger lies in depression
Fear
I just want to be normal
Dauntless
Not this
Not me
Monitor
Watching me
Watching
I can't breathe
Silence is key
Staying alive
The true goal
But how
With this monitor?

Dear Friend
I do not know what's wrong with me
It's something that I fail to see
But what I really can't conceive
Is why you're trying hard to flee
Dear Friend
I know of late I've given up
But don't look at me like a wounded pup
Do not avoid or just say "yup"
When you know half empty is my cup
Dear Friend
Do not say things behind my back
Or patience I will surely lack
The smile I wear is going slack
And your every glance is an attack
Dear Friend
Not everything is my fault
I wish that wasn't the default
And for my wounds don't be the salt
Be even half the sweetness of a malt
Dear Friend
I guess what I am trying to say
Is I need a helping hand today
Or insanity is the price I'll pay
Because you are pushing me away.

As the Mohawks straddle the goal line
We hold our breaths.
We need a win under our belts,
And this is the most important game of all.
I feel the tension in my stomach,
Now in my hand,
As you take it into yours.
Normally I would be thinking of you
But we are so focused on this touchdown
"Hike!" Shouts number 7, and there it goes.
Caught by 22.
Almost intercepted,
But not quite.
We go wild.
Hearts pounding
Mohawk fans cheering
We won.
You grab me in a huge embrace and
I can't breathe
But its not because you're holding me too tightly.
Together.
Without thought:
Thought of consequence
Thought of the future
Thought of pain
Thought of who is watching,
You kiss me right there and then
And even though your eyes are closed
I still see the blue in my mind from moments before,
Letting me know that it is okay to dive in.
As the cheering roar dies out
I see that blue again
Confused and happy
Or is that me?
On this homecoming night
We won
And I'm not talking about the team.

I think the problem is that I want to see the scars in person
Up close
They are hidden deep within my heart
I feel them
Softer than the areas around it
Weaker
I want to see them
To make them feel real
Make me feel like I'm not crazy
That they are truly there
And not just an illusion I have concocted to explain myself
I don't want to reach in to find them
To fix them
If I can see them healing with my eyes on the outside...
Maybe I can feel the healing on the inside
Scar by Scar

Why do I always crave the knife
Or broken protractor
I'm sick of this
Never ending **** really
It feels so good to just scrape the blade
On my bare skin
Not cutting or leaving a single mark
Just feeling the blade
Feeling it
I guess I just want to feel something
And tha used to bring me comfort
I want to feel comfortable again
I hardly remember what that is like
And why does something that causes pain
Make it easier to breathe
Takes away the pain
The blood shows that my ticker still beats on
I've never drawn blood
I wonder if the ticker is beating after all
It sure feels dead in there
I'm not sure this is a poem
Just a series of thought
I guess that's what poetry is, right?

Why do people crave tension in love?
I hear stories about how peoples eyes lock and they feel so attracted to each other,
Feel the tension in the air
Like everything hangs on that glance.
That's great and all
But for me
It is not that pulling us toward each other.
That tension is pulling us in opposite directions.