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Jay Sep 2019
I worry that all we will be
Is intimacy
I worry that all you want
Is physicality
But I know I am wrong
But I am still afraid
Because you did not say
I love you
Lightly
You say it with meaning
And that is playing a tune
In my vacant heart
Your love
You appreciation
Your honesty
Your loyalty
Plucks a heartwarming tune
Jay Sep 2019
I am so appalled.
How have I fallen for you so fast?
Why does it hurt to be away from you?
Why does not being around you make my heart ache?
Why does not being around you make me weak?
Why?
I can't understand how I have fallen so deeply in love with you so fast.
I can't.
I told myself I would not get this attached to you.
I told myself I would go slow.
I told myself I would not surrender myself to you.
But here we are.
And I am afraid.
I know I should not be,
You have my back,
You stand by me.
I should not be,
But somehow I am.
I am so scared that you are doing this just for the pleasure.
I am so scared that you actually hate my body.
I am scared that you think I am annoying.
I am scared that you might end up hating me.
I am so scared.
I am terrified you are going to tell everyone everything,
And then leave me.
I am afraid you don't love me,
Like you say that you do.
I am so scared,
Because I love you with everything in my being.
I have never loved like this.
It is terrifying.
I have never felt like this.
And I can't tell if that is a good thing,
Or a bad thing right now.
Jay Aug 2019
I wish people would stop warning me about you
I trust you
I love you
I need you
But these people are instilling fear
And anxiety
Deep in what is me
And I hate it
I don’t want to worry about these things
Because you are
A king
A god
A ethereal being
Not
A liar
A cheat
A user
I cannot see those things in you
I cannot see these bad things
I don’t know
I trust that you are changing
But I also worry
As these people keep coming to me
I would like to
Feel safe
Feel loved
Feel trusting
Feel secure
Feel worthy
But these people make it so hard
I wish they would stop
Because I don’t ******* care
I love you
And that’s all that matters
Jay Aug 2019
I am overjoyed that you have chosen me.
But I cannot see why.
You love me,
But I cannot see why.
All I am doing is bringing you more problems.
Laying my stresses on you,
Looking like a ******* mess.
I cannot see why a god like you,
Has chosen a peasant like me.
I cannot see why a king like you,
Has chosen a beast like me.
But you have,
And that makes me insane.
You have chosen me,
Who is
Inexperienced,
Troubled,
Weak,
Emotional,
Submissive,
Disordered.
You have chosen me,
And that makes my heart weak.
It aches knowing the trials and tribulations you will go through
To hold me up
If you stick this out.
I cannot see why you would choose me,
But I am going to take it while I have it,
As I would be happy to spend my life with you.
Jay Aug 2019
Every time I think back,
I smile.
Every moment I have spent with you
Has been ******* heaven.
It scares me how happy you make me,
I have felt this attached
Only once before.
And it wasn't like this,
You are special.
Maybe I don't show this,
But you have made me so ******* happy.
My life would be so
Different
Without you.
I would be running on
Empty,
I would be emotionless,
Dead.
But I am smiling,
I am warm inside.
My heart is warm again.
You have saved me.
You don't know this,
But you have.
You understand me,
You are there for me.
You love me the way I am,
Which I can't understand,
But I appreciate it.
I have never been loved like this.
You are so honest,
You are so passionate,
You are so motivating.
You think you're an ugly guy,
But you are wrong.
I have been looking at you
For a few days now,
And I can't find a single flaw.
You are perfect.
Where have you been?
Jay Aug 2019
One after another
Has warned me away from
You.
But when I look into your
Eyes.
I can see the
Reality.
You are serenity.
You are peace.
You are kind.
You are honest.
You are relief.
You are what I need.
And maybe
That's hard for you,
I wouldn't know. .
But I do.
You have filled me
With emotions I have not felt
In months.
You have made me
Myself.
I feel so open.
You make me feel
Comfortable,
Loved,
Accepted,
Beautiful,
Healed.
You are what I need,
But is it the same for
A king like you?
Jay Aug 2019
Kiss me.
Afraid.
Inhale,
Become brave.
Stumble,
Go black.
Held up,
Hold back.
Focus,
Exert control.
Soft,
Nice and slow.
Stumble,
Sit down.
Stare
At his face.
Listen
To his goals.
Smile,
Wide and whole.
Feel,
Sense,
And experience.
Connect,
Speak,
Connect,
Speak.
Surrender control,
Stay aware.
Kindness,
Soft hair.
Guiding,
Patient.
Confidence
Over time.
Dominance,
Willing submission.
Exhilarating
Texture,
Taste,
Sounds.
Please,
Be pleased.
Crave,
Fulfill.
Bittersweet,
Pleased.
Finish,
Be here.
Break,
Converse.
Check,
Anxiety.
Sight
Lost to the past.
Pulling,
Bringing me back.
Relocate,
Feeling safe.
Restarting
The pace.
Deep,
Heaving.
Swirl,
Roughly,
Quickening,
Teasing,
Pleasing.
Finish,
Appalled.
Reversal,
Asphyxiation.
Lost,
Feeling everything.
Friction,
Gasps of pleasure.
Move,
Feeling in the walls.
Hard
To be quiet.
Resettle,
Somehow confident.
Place,
Move.
Pain,
Pleasure.
Repetition,
Support.
Control,
Entirely lost.
Resettle,
Pain felt.
Pain
Overwhelms.
Suffocating
Small noise.
Enjoyment,
Do what I'm told.
Resettle,
Feeling alive.
Finish,
Still unfinished.
Mindless,
Proud.
Settle,
Lie down.
Drift
Away.
Feeling
Hope for new things.
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