wake up, alone

nothing to lose like everything ever owned before truth

(when you first loved, it turned me into stone)

                           (be carelessly in love)
let your "self" fall into the pits of the unknown

(can't title what I feel, but what's worth trying to understand the limitless)

He will never do anything the way you like
Do you argue or do you just not fight
He will never say the thing that's right
Do you move on or just not fight
He will never really know what it feels like
Do run away or do you stay and fight
He will never do everything right
Do run along or wait and find out

He will never do anything the way you like
Do you tell him that or just leave tonight

I.    Scared
This is real for me
This is love to me.
And some days I’m scared out of my mind at how genuine this is.
Nothing has ever felt this authentic to me, other than maybe pain.
This is new to me.
You read the stories and love is this all powerful magic and its so **** powerful that it scares me. It scares me that this thing, this emotion, may rip my heart out of my chest and leave it in a million little pieces.
I’m not scared of you,
I’m not scared of us,
I’m not scared of a fight,
I’m not scared of love,
I’m not scared of forever,
And I’m definitely not scared of heartbreak, my heart has known its scars and I’m not afraid of gathering more.
I’m scared of an ending that’s everything but happy,
I’m scared of the strength of my feelings,
scared I’ll let you down,
scared I’ll hurt you,
scared of anything and everything, all my demons coming out to play and every inch of me is screaming run.
I’m scared that I’ll run,
I’m scared of losing you,
of not being enough.
But as scared as I am, I’m willing to fight for this.
For us.
For our forever
Our happy ever after.

II.    Two
Two souls, more different yet similar than most, met while on their own paths.
They continued together for a while, like many others.
A poet and a soldier, each claiming their own hell, living in their own darkness.
Finding comfort in each other’s arms.

III.    Love
How do you measure a relationship?
By the future?
By the arguments?
I’ve always measured it by how far I could see down the road.
And honestly, with some I could see into 20’s or 30’s, but never the end of our road. Those thoughts were foggy, these are too but more clear, everything is blurred but your face, where with them everything but their face was clear.
With them, I saw lives I didn’t want, lives that were comfortably numb. I saw superficial happy endings.
But with you I see my forever.
I see 5 years down the road, chasing dreams
I see 10 years, building a family
I see 15 years, balancing life
I see 40 years, retiring
I see 50 years, walking down random city streets, hands intertwined
I see 60+ years and meeting again someday in another existence  

I see forever with you
I want forever with you.

you kiss my forehead
to tell me that
everything will be okay
but im not sure

you have become my
security blanket
a person to rely on
a place to put my feelings on
its too late

i dont think i can stay away
the connection
unlike any before
why does all good
things have to be so

******* bad?

what if i dont want it to be bad?

what if i can make things right?

what if i dont want my fantasies to remain a distant dream?

im tired of
being good
i want to be yours
i know,
dreams are fools talk
gibberish that spills from their months
but maybe i want to be love's idiot....

ive resisted so much
you are my every desire
my every thought
my secret obsession
that i dont think i want to go away
anytime soon.....

(b.d.s.)

sometimes i hear you without listening
when i listen, your voice doesn't single out
and just for a moment when it does
you provoke me to  madness
letting me believe that i am walking in circle
i feel the urge to slay dragon in the midst