"Trust me.." he says
His poison mouth drawn tight
Over pointed teeth lined with a silver tongue
"You won't regret it...you'll be undone..."
His snap back and bedraggled experienced hands articulate
A sale , a sale another trip away from this place
With desperate hands that shake tremor with want
Eyes already rolled back in memory
Tugging and pulling
Panting in excitement
Choking on air
The dove lifts her wings to soar
Having been flightless for too long.

The suns up I'm down again on that auto pilot drag
Running on the low hum of exhaustion
Class, homework, and work again the cyclical structure burned into the back of my retina
Eyes hanging in the ever state of caffeine compulsion
Falling the dead weight of a ten pound footfall
Were every moment is a count down to when I can get to sleep again.

I am an animal caged by ideals of many
Pacing my walled prison
Limited by what Im told is right
Painting on the mask of content
Cracked smile pulled high
Drunk on the opiatic releases given from a job well done
Always on stage this lions mane looks ragged

For animals are meant to be free
To prowl, pounce and dance that primal song
Drumming up the legs
Shaking the elated ryhtmic exhalations of true freedom
That sweet release euphoric on the running beat of blood
Swaying against the limitations of man
The beast longs to be free.

It has become more of a conversation to a listless void
Written in an almost spoken manner
Words seem to tumble out of my mouth and onto a screen
Venting its esoteric nonsense to a muse that is either deaf or unable to respond
It is no longer an attempt to express love in that rhyme dime fashion or to detox in a Poe'tic fashion
It has become my random thoughts screaming out into the abyss hoping for an echo of something that isn't its own voice.

Have you ever been so hopelessly
Lost in a moment
Intranced by something so far gone it seems to detach from you
And wander like it has its own mind.
Echoing the stachato of feet so far down the stairs that the way back looks like a tunnel
Of never ending shapes
So distinteresting from the vividity
That is the present thought
That you dream that you did not have to wake to the reality of the now
Like a kid looking through a window on Christmas eve all that bottled happiness lays behind the wall of the mind.
I often find myself window shopping down that hall
Hoping for a taste of what was
Aching to catch her before she gets to far away.

Sometimes when I sit in silence I hear voices
Whispering in my ears, like a breath so quiet you struggle to listen
To the hush you can barely make out words
Shivering down the spine like cold water
Igniting the flesh in goosbumps
My whole body stands at attention
Running a fevered hand across the brow I try to forget
Because sometimes acknowlegement invites trouble.

Somewhere between four cans
Of sweet metallic madness
I found myself dancing
Lost in the murmuring wave of a rasta beat
Leaning into the bounce and jive of the jammin swing
That made me feel the beat the bellow the warp of time
Closing my eyes to the glowing halo drunk on the feel of rain against my lungs
I did not care
I did not worry
And for a moment I was in no hurry.

The tapping timbre of blood in my brain brings the throbing ache somewhere between excruciating and numb
My head like a typhony drum.
The stressing swelling swelter of the day to day has me on the brink of sleepless rage
Day in and day out there is always something striking me out
Out of time
Out of light
Out care
Out of fright
I dont even know what it feels like to care anymore
All that I want now is sleep.

Cracking thunder fills shallow walls
Rattling the windows
Echoing in the din
Rain slapping mirrors
Reflecting my mindset

This rain cloud having followed me
From school, to bed, etc..
Always clamoring
Shouting out
Echoing the screaming helplessness
Stretching and swelling
Between ears
Popping the fragile control

Collapsing
Cut strings
Knees hinging
Falter mid-step

Sorrow having swallowed
Whats left.

Seeing you is like watching an earth-moving force
A comet sent to wipe out the species of thought
Dinosaurs, crawling- viscous
The plains of my body, earth
The sky falling into itself
Spilling out the wonders of the heavens
The twinkling-diamond sharp plains of your wit
And the rich –muddy-mire of heart

Your body a magnet I gravitate
The pull of your skin,
Crushed -velvet fingers finding fixed hold
On dipped shoulder plains
A breath to warm wintered cheeks
Stretching the kiss of blushed smile
Completely surrounded embraced by the sun

Furnace, summer-heat
Growing, budding in the freshly -sweetened air of love
Flowering, the temple walls well taken care of
Watered with the wealth of your affection
Contented with you attention

Your gaze
Your praise
By everything that is you
This earthly temple humming and infused
Quaking with the intensity of acceptance
While continuing her latest obsession
Lonely earth, she who is unlike other cosmic forms

A blip in the eyes of some
But behold the brilliance of which she shines
Golden hair and sea green eye
Beneath the brilliance of her sun
By his gravity she has become
More beautiful by far
The earth and her heated star.

Sticks and stone may break the bones but words are the only thing that hurt worse after
At least a black eye will heal, a shattered bone will mend
Flung like careless knives words can ruin lives
Words leave scars thick like canyon grooves
They bury themselves in the subconcious like a plague of burrowing maggots
Rotting the mind with its filth
Till they are the only thing we believe anymore
Despite their truth value words are the weapons of abusers and the careless cruelty of emotion
Words wound worse than sticks and stones ever could.

Her voice crackled like wood in a fire smoke
Hot lashing  the flame of crimson tongue
Booming a thundering rage slick wet lightening bright
Only to dim
Grumble hiss and disengage
Dwindling in the presence of beauty
Within the glade.

Its futile in this world it seems
To make a living
You have to dig yourself deeper into the pit
One loan at a time
One payment behind
One soul away from dying
Forever in debt to the government....
Such is the life of the student...

Light bleeds through red curtains painting the brown walls a muddy shade of maroon like dried blood on concrete
Sticky and hazy
The whooshing movement of fan blades fill in the would be silence
Tugging air with dull blades rapid and quick similar to the staccato of a heart beat
Wubbing its low hum sound the t.v static of a mundane morning
Sunday's have never held much meaning
Other than the once suffocating stuffiness of a dusty church bench
Listening to hell fire and brimstone in a place that smelled like death and hand sanitizer
Where children are paraded like prized cattle in front of relatives
Valued for their would be talents and their potential to redeem their parents mishaps
No this day was greeted with the smell of *** and the taste of syrup still lingering in the dry parts of the mouth
Legs tired from walking and stumbling at the bar
Eyes still wearing the specter of blue eye shadow
Lips the muted color of sin
No Sundays are special kind of sacred

It follows close to my mind
Infecting those around me
The faces that grew me in one way or the other
Its metastatic narcolepsy filling the world with silence
Like to many candles in the wind
Blew out the breath's light
Snuffing out the beauty of living
Haunting, lingering in the edges
A hope battle that is over before it began.

You tell me I need Jesus
That my tattooed and metal appearance is offensive
But Ma'am I'm not the one condeming strangers
Not the one proselytizing hate
For belligerence has never swayed the secure
Does my existence make you question your own?
Is it my idol tattoos that threaten you religious security?
If anything when I smile, tell you to have a nice day and go about my business
I become the better person
Was it not your God that preached love and tolerance?
Where is that now?
Do you only preach what serves you?
And people wonder why I have problems with faith.
Its not your God that is the problem its his people.

Some nights I hate you
Some nights I wish we never met
Others I lament the feelings I once had for another person
The warmth of a genuine smile
The fire of a touch
When you sparked my muse
My mind and took my breath
In the day I am resourceful I remember the good and the bad
What it means to have loved
What it means to have been tossed aside
But then that **** song comes on the radio
Inside my mind it brings nostalgia an ache from deep in my being
Staring at the screen aching over "Hello"

His fist scarred, beat-red fistful of intention
Rugged, crass unchiseled wonder wrapped in a gentle smile
A bear of a man, broad shouldered hulking bent
Stuffed-fluff heart tattooed with the echo of love
The times he grappled in sweaty- slick tangle of arms and drew blood blooming bright-crisp-apple-red upon white mat.

Beat, Beat, Beat, down
Tap, Tap, Tap, out
White knuckle-grasp uppercut
Full mount, disengage
Joint locked, feet hooked, Triangle hold
Submission.

The times he brought grown men to their knees, and humbled himself on his own
The times he never gave up and the times he gave in
To the fight
To the system
To the sweet draw of relief
The times he fought not for the thrill but to make it by
Rage hot-red facing the injustice of poverty
His steel spine riddled with the rust of life, the rust of reality
The corrosive sludge of hate, and words left unspoken.

Busted well-worn hands held soft smooth skin
Grooved fingers and velvet mouth
The scratch of bearded stubble, red-lined skin prickled with goose flesh, slick coated in sweat
A new fight, wrapped knuckles cushioned with the promise of forgiveness
Of acceptance a force to be reckoned with in her own right.

Broken hand, dreams stunted, depressed-mind-numbing
Lost in his own thought, out of the fight
Desperate to be back in the game mind and body
Envy-red, drawn to the fight of others
Soft smooth hands, short-small-painted nails calm bristled hair
Growling bear, baring teeth in silent-wounded pride
The time she bandaged pride, and encouraged humility
The times she scalded his senses the raw-red liquid fire of love
His shade in the heat of a red-blistered sun
Cooling, and igniting inspiration
The time she became a fight worth winning.

I wait
Hollow eyed stilling time
Hoping to be swept away on what ever dull fog has possessed my soul
Clogged my mind
The dripping tap
Blitzing across the surface of my bursting mind
To full!
  Welling
        SWELLING
Straining the strands of my tentative sanity

Testing the limits of my mind
Maddening the constrains of my heart
Till numb fingers
List to the left
Straddling the median
On late nights
80 miles
and counting

Drifting
Sailing to the sidelines
Until the world drops
And blank eyes
Finally shudder no more
Wipers bridge no more tears
Blipping out of existence
Along with all my fears.

I find myself awake in the endless now
Closer to the immediate time of midnight
That stretches in the echoing tick of a second
The true forever of the present

In the gaping maw of an endless moment marching forward
I can't help but wonder how its that we wake into the comprehension that the future is an imaginary concept that is never truly reached.
When between two seconds I have felt the breadth of an eternity
Breathing its hot and uncomfortable decomposition onto my being
Aging,
Tallying away the moments until I am but ash on the pavement

That our only perception of reality can happen in the foreverness of a moment that becomes wistful of itself like some elder trying to relive the fleeting feeling of youth
That the past is only a recollection of the now in its nostalgic bubble
Painted like some old time movie in the cobwebbed section of the brain, that forgets important information
Like where the keys are and instead keeps the bitter burn of being in love for the first time.
The last time.

Its these lanquid seemingly shallow thoughts that keep me from dropping into the blissful chaos of REM
Falling off the face of reality and into the black nothing
My brain digs into conceptual conundrums, when really all I want to do is sleep..

It follows me
Into the room
Into bed
Into the morning
Into every waking aspect of my day
That niggling feeling that wont go away
Setting the teeth to edge
Making the bones hurt
With its edgy, alertness
Like at any moment my mind will freak out
Tumble over the cliff side and explode into a mess of emotion
The problem is I'm not sure what it will be
What triggered it or where that pins and needle restlessness really came from
All I know
Is its here
Intensifying
Until tears well and fall
The madness doesn't stop.

Bristling branches brush the brazen boldness of summer kissed flesh
Scratching their stories across warm leather and black skin
Kissing the sun with its brilliant caricature smiling from the canvas of hair, freckled flesh and happiness
The winding wind pulling in the playful tangle of curled hair
Where cheeks blushed under exertion
Huffing breath like a prayer
The call too great
Like a sudden pain in the soul
The sound the rush the feeling of touching something that was real
Stays real even after the moment is gone
Tickling hairs of grass meet curious hands walking the hurried gate down into the rocky trail bed
Feet teetering on unstable rock-stone-steps
Tapping out the excited rhythm of her heart
In the meadow on the trail in between the trees
She was truly beautiful
A vision of free.

I feel like my mind runs into itself quite often
Like the never ending thoughts overlap into each other until
One either collapses and gives heed to another
Or subsides like a wave to wash back over me when I least expect it
Its why I branch into a topic touching just the bare breath
Before ******* back into the racing void of thoughts that tumble
Like dominos one by one into each other in a chaotic jumble of half formed ideas
Which spread into streams of consciousness that seem to go on forever in a breadth to long for a single breath of air to make vocal.
This is why I feel grammar, or really the English language has never been my friend.

I have questions
About so many things
Little things,
Big ones,
The ones no one else seems to see
But mostly I have questions about me
Why I say
Why I do
What I think
How did I get to point p to z..

Sometimes I can barely follow my own thoughts
They stray like squirrels on fire
Screaming down the back of my brain
Till I lose concentration on one or the other
The fire rages...
Perhaps I should put the squirrels in cages?

Sort them by size or by color...
Give them hats or a vest
Festive and cute
How they preen..
Wait why is that one green

It comes in waves
Trimmers
Shaking my ribs
Rattling-loose bone
Surfing the surface of my thought
Making breath shallow

It stutters
In the rhythm of my heart
Pulling at tendons
Leeching at the life found therein
Sputtering-spindling
Thumping
Flat-line

The thought of you leaving
Killing me every time

There is a point after the emotion has run its course
When hope sadness regret loss and joy have all left and your stuck with the mess
When you've read the words over and under and still arent sure what to say
Should you say
Could you say anything at all
The point in the road where all options are a risk
Like the heart has been left out of the sun so long it flinches at the thought of light
Where it only took one straw a single grain of rice to tip the balance of what feels right.

I want to be a little girl forever
For surely I would never have to grow old
Never have to face ridicule in silence
I could pull hair and shout mean words
"Well your ugly, and don't smell nice either!"
Or, "I didn't want to play anyway your a cheater"
I could whine and everyone would find me adorable
I could cry without guilt
and Love without heartbreak
Because to a little girl every man could be a hero

I could paint my nails nine colors,
And ask for cookies at breakfast
Wear my pajamas to school
and leave bread crumbs on T-shirts

Being a little girl would be lovely
Getting carried from place to place
Falling asleep wherever I pleased

No more hiding
No more endless rules
For we all know to a little girl rules are for fools
I would be rotten and I could be spoiled
But come morning no one could love me more.

While selfish and at sometimes cruel
Little girls are sweet at heart and genuine too!
I could indulge my habits and play pretend
Instead of go to work and have people that depend
On my steady hands or achey feet

No more bills!
No more lies!
I could build sand castles and pretend to fly
There would be space adventures and tons of books to read!
Yes to be a little girl again would be rather neat.

Like water the ripple of your life has stilled
Where I become the untouched pool purified by the fluxing of my own intention
Warmed by the shifting spirits of ideals
Like great bodies within the deep  the golden shimmer of epiphany engender deeper cultivation
Reflecting the world back out like a great mirror
Pushing away the digestion of filth from the center
That lack luster film of society dripping red from open hands
I expel the marginalized oppression
You tried to change me
Not aware I was doing so all along.

I can feel it tremble
Thrumming on fragile wings
A gossamer of fickle flicking fledgling thoughts
Struggling to gather into words and articulate the notion
That fleeting flagrant fondness of emotion
That touches the inside in such a way that there are moments of bare bonding breaths between two complete strangers
Tapering into a singular human experience
For a nano second of time where you and I and the world connect

How can you ask me to love you?
When you can't even love yourself?
For what you know of love is incomplete compared to everything else.
I could ask you to name the stars and you could tell me heavens mysteries
But when its comes to simple affection all is lost
When not engaged in the bodies sway and rhymes you wouldn't know how to have an intimate time
For sometimes intimacy comes from somewhere deeper
Somewhere closer to the soul
Its not always in a girls pantyhose
You can look lovely bearded and swave
But to love you would mean to starve.

Who are you who knows my muse?
My ramblings on the page, who hears my voice with each line?
The subtle and shaking truth my mouth has bled?
To you I am grateful
To you I still write
Thank you (as always)
Friend

I read untill my eye hurt. Shudder and blurr lines
But I can not stop
Moving picture only capture my attention but for a moment
Their voices scream and titilate my ear
But words become more than they could ever hope to be
And I wonder if I see more in them than in the spoken
You could write me and I would understand better
Pick out your subtext and feel your heart
Wringout your feelings and motive
Maybe its the detachment the third person God
Overseeing the world but not apart
Reading helps to escape
That relaxing kind of lost.

Early morning light bleeds red into closed eyes
Waking abruptly reaching tired hands across cold sheets
Finding nothing
But the stuffed sides of teddied fur
No warmth
Or early laughter
No I love yous between kisses
The creaking of stiff limbs locked tight around shoulders
Hips and chest
The urgency of sweat and sweetness of passion
Echoing lonely thoughts
I welcome sleep again
Hoping to find you

When reason, spirit, and appetite meet
There-in my soul you do greet
A complicated mass of intention
Whose sole purpose is the want of attention
A stingy, selfish thing it is
But I am human
Of man.

And we are as selfish as a creature can get
For when the balance of these forces tip
Chaos of the soul
Mans weakness of will
The weakness of willing mind
To want
To hold
Something for all time

But a man made of mortal flesh
Cannot hope to beget
A love that is as immortal as the Gods
A love that is beautiful for all time

Goodness, and beauty are what we seek
A soul without love
Miserable and full of deceit
Of despair
Of mindful rot
Flaking off in fleshing decay
A loving heart is not meant to end this way

It is meant to mourn over the loss of life
To love a man/woman with all its might
To cry
To care
To kiss the morning with lamentations
To hold onto the feelings of sensation

A loving heart, a soulful mind
Is meant to imagine love for all time
Meant to dream
Never despair
Like breathing without air

But alas all I can do is dream
To write of love
But a wounded heart doth know
That before the burn, the ache
Of raw flesh
Salted
Prolonged in suspended agony

That there was beauty
There was magic
In the darkness of the night there was joy
Laughter in the alignment of her soul

Where her love was not new
But right where it should be
In her arms
Wrapped up
Held so tightly
She never thought of falling through

But no longer can she claim
Mindful retention
She could fall apart
One wrongful infliction.

If it doesn't grab me
Then I can not commit
If it doesn't obsess me
Take me hostage in a consuming Stockholm breathless gasp
Then I can not posses it
Make it my own
Intergrate it like some sick horder grasping at straws
Hoping to breath under the weight of her convictions
As if born again
Anew and anew under some binded faith
That this new me this better upgraded me will be worthy
More adapted
No suited
To be loved in a world that is increasingly lonely.

Melting out the spinal stem
Turning liquid brain soup dripping down my back
The frayed skeleton electric nerve
Wubbs the distortion of moving things
Blending the sight of sound and tasted of color
Bleeding the mixed mingling syrups of thought and emotion
Where beating thumping noislessness of my bone jarred movment becomes second nature
Vocalizing the skidding murrmers of half finished words
Swirling back and forward towards and against reality
The numbness of my tongue the static on my brain fills, and music is the very air I breathe

Why is it that I am not content
I can not fit into any mold I make
No matter what form of job I take
I can't be settled
Stagnant
Poised in a place for long times
Always dreaming of something else
Seeking something new
Going from one job to the next
Looking for a black sheep in the midst of white
Why can't I find something that I like...

I did a fine job this time
Mucking up my own thoughts spiraling me down
To the pitfalls of logic
Where I loose the poet
And attach the analytic mind straight to the brain
Forego the heart
Snip it like some bothersome string attached to my favorite shirt
But here is where I wake
And realize that though logic and rhetoric help the structure of the self
The spirit is starving behind those cold bars
Scared to come out lest it be cut once more
Violated like a child
Helpless to the mindless bumbling oafish screams of listless beings
Whom's only goal is to crush it
Maim it to something other that what it is
Taper it's wings
And stunt the flexing whiles of its witless abandon
Oh how it shone
That beautiful fluctuating penumbra of brilliance
That taps into the ether and brings forth light and wonder
Abandoning my skepticism at least for now I bathe in the glory of freedom I have unbound

It is more than me
It has touched even you
Yes you sitting on that glowing screen
You have felt it in your feet
Trembled in your bones
Echoed in your mind
And at times even in your sleepless tumbling rolling in the
sheets that specter that stops you from sleeping.

But I will tell you I have loved nothing as fierce
As completely
That should it stop
I would think so would my heart
I shut down like a robot with a glitching brain
Panting that last trembling note
Falling from my lips to echo in the sudden silence.

Yes even with death I could not part from it
For even dead my being would shatter into song
Ripping from the ether
Like a winding piano toy
I should sing yes
Even into my grave

Singing "A beach in Hawaii..."
Plucking that soulful song
Fingers sliding that beautiful rhythm calling you from beyond the grave.
The way music calls me everyday.

I'm counting hours like their minutes
My head ticking away the clocks metronome
Floating away into the silence of the predawn
On a sea of shaking nerves
Calmed only by the balm of deep breaths and desperate attempt at misdirection
This irrational dancing beneath my skin attacks in the calmness.

Feet cracking, bruised concrete making skin peel
Walking on the aching pads of reason
Finding home
Away from thought
No mind, he would call it
Acting without acting
Till the murmur of my disillusionments fade
To nothing

Quiet in the echoing void of my mind
******* away intended function
Allowing bones to cave in on themselves and muscles to stove up
Like dried dates in the summer heat

The night was long
Stretching its fingers out, pulling the hands inplace
So as an hour felt like an eternity
Each breath even longer still
I was exhausted
Walking on fumes
Blown over by a hard wind

But the end was in sight
The welcome red, bolted 1823
Where you rested, with soft bed
And warmth
Waiting to sooth the burn of my body
Final ease
Embraced in comfort only you could bring.

No I can't spell it out for you
Its never going to be that simple
Words are hollow compared to their feeling
Often misconstrue
If you'd just feel the way
I do
There aould be no distance between me and you

Dancing shadows played chase around the wooded pier
Flickering flamed tongues captured the cold
Swallowing in big burning gulps
Until they drew swords and called draw
Leaving a line of chilling wind at my back

Where early dew clung to the back of my faded denim shorts in the late summer night
Crowded as close as I could get to you
Without being seen as some child
Lost in the company of your friends

I had not told you
That had never done this before
Met my lovers closet
The bits of weirdness that every one has
What we call our closest friends

I had never meant much to anyone for them to share me
Really see who I was
And find that pleasing

You laughed paying me no mind
Pointing fingers into the crimson light watching the copper wire
Spout blue and purple hues

In some low income trailer park were the sounds of dogs and crickets met the ear
Watching some shady deal happen behind the next house over

I found it there for the first time
In such a long time
That I couldn't remember the feel of the emotion anymore.
Acceptance

That night when we parted I was no longer alone

I follow you like an obsession
Seeing your life from the outside
Noting the smiles that frequent your face
The contentment of yourself in that space
I no longer see that disturbed longing to be free of that place
That backwater town that has no place for me in it
No future
Besides a deadpan existance leading its citizens astray or
Contenting them with a simple life

You have those who love you
Genuine friends and you seem to find a way to be busy
Find enjoyment in that simple existance
Not seeking out the exoteric meanings of life
Re-emerging back into that mentality of everyday people
Happy with just being in the moment in time
Devoid of that driving passion to find meaning in this life
To understand the worlds complexities and learn the beauty that is humanity

The vision I have escribed to myself to seek the truth in this world
To see the nasty and feel a sense of calm in the face of our own self destruction
Feeling as if my mission drives and beliefs are becomeing coersive to your health
How do I connect with you anymore?
You who used to abore the simplicity of your upbringing

I see it now
As you talk to your brothers and sister
I try to communitcate experience your world
But I am an outsider to this realm

My words don't fit
And all eyes make me feel castrated
I don't speak as they do, I use words they don't understand
A language and understanding that they do not employ
Not saying that I am better than anyone of them
Because I know I am not
Humble to the fact
That they don't find those things worth doing
Worth any merit
Secular in their reasoning

I see you fit this mold
This world where I cannot speak
Without offending or offering explination
Leaving me mute,
Feeling outcasted
Dumb to the workings of their order.

But you are a camilion blending in
Taking that world as your own
Transforming before my eyes into someone
I don't know
Or would know if I had realised you were
Developing without me

It is subtle this changing
How the conversation gets more complex on my end
Reaching out for anything that will relate you back to me
My mind becoming a blockade
A boundary to you
Where I crave none

I feel you here in my being
Shifting changing
The face you show me smiling happy
Loved and no longer in need of me
Wondering when you will see this yourself
When this distance will become leagues
And you determine whether it is worth it to cross

I dont know what to feel
My mind is confused existing in a jumble of mix emotions that spread further on the liquid surface of the mind
No matter how far I swim they stay just beyond the reach of stretching fingers
Shifting and to the music of a disturbed mind in limbo
Between desire
Making nauseous with anxiety.

I like to watch the curl of smoke from between my lips
That dancing wave like movement floating listly up and away
Back and forth undulating to a song all its own
Majestic in its travel pulling with it the trouble
The doubt the pain
All the worry
Floats away.

Crackling static of needle on black
Trippe melody of Floyd rolling out
Smooth and wild
The chill of liquor
Biting the back of my throat
With cold and sting
The screen white
Tapping keys
Rapid Fire

Finals creeping closer
Deadlines speeding
In front of blood shot eyes
This is my peace
Against the storm

Vinyl and liquor there have been worse.

There is no love here
    Where desperation meets necessity
Falling with the hope that nothing catches
   Waiting to give up

On a pensive lake in a lonesome v a lley sat a little girl
Her tiny fingers buried in strands of silken gold
Lashed eyes sat weeping flicker the faint tint of blue
Feeling forgotten as only little girls can do
Knees bend high and laced feet at rest
How she weaped from her skirted nest
But up from hillside came a lonesome cat mewling his sorrow
Searching for his friends but found no brother no mother all is lost in the wind
But furried nose did wrinkle a little blond duck scared and wrinkled
It thought like most animals do what an ugly thing covered in so little hair
It must be lonely and in need of care
It cried amd mewled and sang its welcome song
Little duck grew startled but soon to relax
It was only kitten at last she could laugh

You test me
With this physical cliff
This distance
This depressed want
Verging on hopeless need
That I feel coming up the back of my throat like *****.

I can feel the tension
From my swelling
Aching wrist
Held so fiercely by the bond of word
You stand on
This borderline obsession
I have come to salivate for
To yearn so numbing that all other thought comes to hault
Persistent tugging again on the links
Holding me back from madness

From wanting to force your hand in a direction
I know only pushes you away
But this need is a painful thing
Manifested by the  fear
Of loneliness,
An overarching call
To the inner most basic part of a woman

Needing to be needed
Needing to have purpose
To get as close to someone
As she can and not have to let him go
Even if it is but for a moment

But that moment
Is what she lives for
When all the buzzing blind meaty cattle of society
No longer  swarms her ears with an insatiable
Craving
Wants of something they have not earned
Not worked for or built upon

The essence of her being leeching like a cracked
Egg on pavement
Humpty did not fall
But rather was pushed

That moment means
Absolution
The connection deep
Punctuated with the feel of two heartbeats in one
Being
One creature seeing
Touching tasting and thinking of nothing
But the feel
The motion
The sensation of this blistering
Blatent bubbling chaotic
Dynamic coming together of
Pieces once whole