To find somewhere I feel I belong
Someone to connect with
Without pretences
Without hidden motives
Without prejudices

Someone to share,
someone who cares

Some place peaceful and nice
Cozy and warm
Like their welcoming open arms

In a patch of this world
Real or surreal

As I never cared for shiny objects.
until I felt I lost mine,
Illumination,
What feels like in a sudden,
There are so many from them,
Those people,
covered in gold and diamonds,
shining away from their high pedestals,
Stunning, ... captivating,...
I sat there in silence,
admiring from afar,
and once in a while when they come down from their higher ground,
I follow them around, --
I follow them around, ...
My existence is a wish of theirs,
wispy and feeble,...
...
There is a beggar on the ground,
begging for a second chance,
trampled and forgotten,
I don't know her,
I don't know her story,
As much as I know these sparkles,
they can't be the same kind...
Boring and uninteresting,...
So I scold at her,
ignored her,
as mine and me alone gasp for my care,...
Too easy...
Because it was too easy...

The world was not what he knew no more
The reflections had betrayed him
All the pains were coming back
Inhibiting
Slowly
Reality sunk back in
Heavy and suffocating
Shackling

The music's changed
The party is still going on
Full of people he didn't recognise
Is he still a part of it?
Is he still invited?
What does it matter?
Everything
To him
Everything he knew of
Almost
And what it took to run was a blink away

These people, whom I know as much as I know me,
As I fill my days with their shiny lives and parades,
But they're not mine,...
Some picture-perfect lies...
There lies mine,...
trampled,
abandoned,
begging to be remembered,
begging to be cared ...
I don't know me,
I don't know my story...
And as I bask in their glory,
The one grasping for help is me,
As I follow them away...
As I walk away from me,
Only with what makes them h a p p y ...
Because it was easy,...
Too easy....

When all my goals and wishes have run out

and all that matters are yours and only yours...


I want you to feel good about yourself

Each time you fall, each time you feel any regret
...


Goodness, so help me...

came to visit me again last night
seeping in when i was half asleep
embracing me from the inside
keeping me awake in his presence
he's not a friend
nor a foe
we solely co-exist
then i should probably get accustomed to his presence
regardless how queasy and uneasy he makes me feel
how he makes i small
probably he cares about me
i just need to
     stop
         him
           *******
Stop.