we were all kids once
with small hands and big eyes
so full of love and innocence
and I'd be lying if i tell my younger self
to make sure she keeps her innocence
because this harsh world
will **** the life out of you
which is ironic because this is life
but if I were to say a message to my younger self
it would be to keep your heart full
full of love
full of care
and full of happiness
because this world may be harsh
but do not let it diminish the light in your eyes
or **** the curiosity
and maybe that adventurous streak you always have
they will surely call you foolish thinking that
you can keep all these things,
but look around you
you see dead people roaming around
with no fire in their hearts because they drowned
in this sea of madness
do not go with the flow but rather stay on top
and build a boat and sail where you want
don't let the coldness of others
affect you,
but rather let your warmness
affect them
this world is harsh
but that doesn't mean you have to be that way too

you kiss my scars
as if they were the stars

You said you love me and that you care
I really thought you did
but friends shouldn't make me feel bad
for being sad

You always want me to be happy
but that's unrealistic
because we are sad beings
in this lone universe
isn't that why we always crave to be with people?

I thought I was happy
but I was wrong
I simply forced myself to be
because I know you'd leave again
and you are a drug to me
I simply cannot live without

But you demand so much from me
you crush my bones into dust
and you like to take control of me

In a simple sense,
you have the wheel
and you never let me learn how to drive
and when we reached a wall
you simply jumped off and deserted me
instead of taking a turn

beware of her
she can make you feel
and make that ice heart of yours
beat

to her rhymes you will be moved
her words will make you cry
it will make you feel
the pain she felt,
or the love she wanted the world to know

beware of her,
because if you love this deadly poet
she will carry you far and wide
across continents,
and seas

she will sway you away in reality
and bring you to her world

she will let you feel the love she feels for you
and you will drown in it
you will realize that her heart only beats at the sound of your name

you will be hypnotized,
you are now under her spell

but you have to realize
that this deadly poet
is sad inside

no, she cannot tell you exactly why
but let her poem speak to you,
do not force her,
but rather understand her

and if you commit half-heartedly
then leave her,
she doesn't need you

no, she needs a person,
who will be strong for her

someone who will watch her intentsely
the way she does to you
and you need to admire her imperfections
as if she couldn't be more perfect than she already is

leave, if you can't understand this world she lives in
where both reality and fantasy resides

because if you never see the sun when you look into her eyes
while she sees the whole universe within you
then don't fall in love with her
because surely she already loves you
the moment she wrote your name
on a piece of paper accompanied by a rhyme

I blame the universe
which is ironic because
i never thought I would blame the entire universe
for something inevitable

But I still blame the universe
I blame it for his death
and it really hurts to see people walking on the streets
and the world still moving
even though he's not here anymore
1 person less in 7 billion,
It wouldn't make a difference like a grain of sand
lost in the ocean

And I am angry at the world,
for this man didn't deserve to die so early
they took our infinity together

To think that one day, I will die too
sooner or later
All the people he met, and loved
he will soon reach oblivion

And it hurts so much,
A dagger in my heart
That the memories he and I shared
will die with me,
lost forever

Because everyone in the world
deserves to know
how wonderful he really was

He made this terrible place
bearable

And as I lie at his unmade bed,
not to be slept in anymore,
his faint smell
slowly dissipating
and stare at the book at his bedside
never to be finished;
I feel as if I lost a part of me

Everyone knows that this battle
was not a war to be won
Because death will always await for us
at the end of the road

But still,
let me blame the universe for a while
as it ease the pain from my heart

6 feet underground
their bones lie within

a slate on top of their heads
labeling they are the dead ones

sad yet beautiful
that they once roam this earth

we avoid the thought of death
but seeing this made me realize
and acknowledge that one day
my name will be on a slate
and I will be 6 feet underground

so sad, yet peaceful

so why should we wait for tomorrow
when we can do it now?

feelings unsaid, let them be heard
let them know, and let them see
because tomorrow might never come

you will inevitably be 6 feet underground
with a slate on top labeling
you're dead

I love(d) everything about you
every fibre, every detail

I love(d) watching you
whenever you weren't looking
your serious face, or when you
walk ahead of me
the way you walk
and the way you move your shoulders

I love(d) the veins on your hands
as if they're a road map
do they lead to your heart?

I love(d) the way you smile
and your face
too close to mine
and I would say "stop"
but I love(d) staring at those
brown eyes of yours

I love(d) the talks that we have
late at night
when we are both vulnerable
and you'd tell me things
you've never told anyone
and so will I
together, we'll share,
this secret

And from time to time
I'd sneak a look
and your eyes would meet mine
then i'd pretend it was merely a coincidence
silently happy, that you were looking too

I love(d) when I would act silly
and then you would join me
we'd act silly together, and they would wonder
why those 2 kids aren't normal
but we both know
that being normal is boring

and I am sorry
that my walls, which i built
are too high, too thick
and I wanted to let you in
so I'd try
and try
and try
and kick at them

but they're too high, and too thick
for your patience
were wearing thin

I despised myself
for building such walls

and whenever I am near to giving up
I would remember those times
we spent together

so I'd kick at those walls,
even when you're simply just
touching it,
not trying to break it anymore

those happy memories
ah, good times
good times

but then I'd hear my alarm
at 6 in the morning
knowing it was just a dream

and my walls are finally breaking

but something else broke together with it
realizing that dreams, will only be dreams

a bullet would've hurt
a bit less than this loneliness

do not wonder why
she won't let you in
she's broken
can't you see?

at the end of the day
after everyone walks away
it is her alone who picks up the pieces

and those pieces gets stepped on,
stuck on a person's soles who will
never even bother to give it back

so everyday she lose herself
slowly
person by person
word per word
goodbyes after goodbyes

so i'm sorry
she says
because she is not the person
you loved a month ago

no, she's different
lost all her pieces
stuck on a person's sole

no, you cannot go in
because the house is broken now
you cannot make a home to her
she will never give you warm

and you ask yourself
why am i even here?
then you get up and take your leave

your warmth will be there,
but you are not
you took a piece of her
what a fool she has become

oh foolish, foolish little girl!
you have nothing to give
but still offered a home

and where's that piece you've been looking for?

it's stuck on another person's sole
never to be given back

I use my head
before I use my heart
but in so many ways
you are smarter than me

It keeps me breathing
knowing that you're by my side
but the thought of us falling apart
makes me dread of the future

do you believe in destiny?
is this what you call fate?
will you believe me when I say i do?

my darling, I hope your dreams
are as sweet as mine

Sometimes I catch myself smiling
and realize it is you that I'm thinking

and I always ask why me?
because you could've fallen for anyone
who is infinitely better than me

In so many ways,
I've wondered what you goes through your mind
do you think of me as often as I do?

I just hope that this last
this whimsical love of mine

he was a demon,
considered himself monstrous
of course he is,
even the flowers wilt
when he touches them

he was afraid to touch
the person he loves the most
always kept her apart
even if he wanted to held her

she reminds him of a flower,
so fleeting,
fragile,
wouldn't she crumble
if he touches her?

inhale*
heart cold as ice
exhale
I cannot feel emotions

bravery isn't just limited to fighting dragons
or wearing that armour of yours

bravery isn't all about protesting what you believe in
or using your fists to do the explaining

it's you at 6 in the morning forcing yourself to get up
because you stayed up all night crying

it's when you try so hard to keep that untouched blade
that you always kept hidden from your parents
away from your skin

it's when you always try to think of "happy thoughts"
and fake your smiles;
although it's  make believe, it's a sign you don't want to give up

it's when you feel all your bottled up emotions
rushing, begging to be felt by you
and yet you keep yourself from caving in completely
succumbing from your darkest fears

you always feel hopeless and alone,
but then here you are,
alive
breathing
grasping for that minuscule light

you think you have given up completely,
and that your dreams died a long time ago
but when you listen closely,
your heart is still beating
isn't that a sign of hope?

you are fighting your own wars,
so never believe them when they call you
weak
because you have your own battle scars as proof,
proof that you survive and still fighting

you are the hero(heroine) of your own story
so believe me when i tell you that
**you are brave

I fell into the pit
Of sadness and doubt
All because of this thing
Called society

I tore out myself
And shredded the things
That used to define me
All because they told me I can't
Be who I wanted to be

But society doesn't change
They judge you for who you are
And who you aren't
It's a prison
And we cannot escape it

I know what you are;
You laugh at my own demise
I hear it still,
so loud
and yet painful
I see you smile
as my blood meets the ground
you're mocking me
I see your mouth move
and form a word
idiot
you seemed to say
but i couldn't hear
over this piercing sound
of my tears
my skin stings
because it's covered
with fresh wounds
where did this come from?
I am crestfallen
how could you?
how?
and yet you just stare at me
with those eyes,
you seemed entertained
watching my own destruction
that's right,
I know who you are
you're *me

Fall in love with the guy who plays with hearts
As if they were toys
Love the boy who doesn't even know you exist
But you spend as much time writing about him
As much as he spends time ignoring you
Listen to the voices in your head, from time to time
Let them take over you, but not fully
But let them make you feel utterly hopeless and sad
To the point you tremble
It hurts, doesn't it?
But that's the point,
Hurt yourself, and learn
From loneliness you understand how to be a true friend,
And from a broken heart you learn who to avoid
Let them hurt you,
Because with destruction, creation begins
And one day, you will meet somebody
Who will use your pain to create something marvellous
And he will call your pain his greatest art known to mankind
He will pick up the pieces of your shattered heart
That was lost from all the trauma you've experienced
And then, then you will be thankful for the suffering
Because it all led you back to him

I hear my heart beating
I am alive

I can feel your hands
intertwined with mine
I am alive

The cold of winter morning
Stings my skin
I am alive

The non-stop chattering
About unimportant things
From unknown people
I can hear it
Because I am alive

Past filled with
Broken hearts
And empty promises
Yet here I am
Alive

He tells you
You're the brightest star
But never trust a man
Who carries stars in his pockets
Because he can easily replace you
Without a single thought
The moment you lose your shine

You have to know how to shoot
In order to be with me
Know that I'm a danger
Even to myself
If I tell to you run
Don't look back
Because I don't trust myself
And neither should you
I'm a loaded gun
Never to be trusted
We can pretend,
But a love like this
Wouldn't last