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Ella James Apr 2020
I look up to my father,  

as he holds his head in his hands

“He’s gone.”

My lungs don’t fill, my breath hitches.

Time stops.

Someone grabs my shoulder, pulling me away from reality

The floodgates open as I become vulnerable

Crying into the arms of an unknown

A disease that cannot be cured.

He went from lively to barely being able to carry his own sons

He became thin and pale


Sitting in a wheelchair

But he wasn’t afraid to die

Wearing all black, staring into the eyes of a dead man

1 wife, 3 young boys.

They don’t know what’s going on,

They just know that he’s gone  

One year later

The youngest boy leaves this earth

No one knowing how, or why.

But that he went to join his father in heaven

They say love stories always have a happy ending

Not this one.
Ella James Apr 2020
On and on my brain won’t stop.

Voices in my head that’ll make me drop.

Everything pushes me astray.

Reality finally fading away.  

To all the screams in my head.

Hope you die and go to bed.

I’m not ok, but you cannot change me.  

No one will understand I’m a Banshee.

Killing and ****** flashes in my brain.

I know someone is dying in pain.

Newly found body, sprawled across the ground.

Going to hell? I’ll have the crown.
Ella James Apr 2020
I want to breathe.

To be able to fill my lungs with air,

without them exploding with a bang.

We live for a breath of fresh air,

gasping so that we can live another day

When our lungs are full, we need to breathe out.  

Exhaling out the pain and the past

Our breath is a symbol of moving on
Ella James Apr 2020
My body craves it, but I don’t want it

Every time I think of it, I sense the bile in my throat

Don’t give in.  

“I love the feeling, the burning.”

Can’t you tell? I’ve been raised like this

Indulging in the emptiness


Ella James Apr 2020
Dead grass comes to life

Flowers bloom in the garden

Due stains the window
Ella James Apr 2020
Fire and ice ignite

Mustard leaves crunch like my bones

Sunlight smiles in fear
Ella James Apr 2020
My brain betrayed me

Salt dripping off eyelashes

We’ll be a fine line
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