Long drives, chai and that heavy metal song
Days may have been shorter but those nights always felt long
Wonder why these little things
Pinch every moment I live today
With every breath chasing answers
Every prayer cajoling you to still stay
Every day, since you left, feels unreal,
something I refuse to always believe
It shocks me how my mind sets those dark deals
Contemplating your choice to instantly leave
Nights are sleepless, as days pass by
Yet nothing remains other than the regret of those past lies
My heart sinks recalling every memory we shared
Can't even describe how living this life has never made me this scared.
The world without you was still as normal as before
But in my head, it all felt as if I sank just a tad bit more
As I stepped out of those four walls into reality
I left a piece of my broken self among those closed doors
Voices are silenced and memories have faded like sawdust in the air
You've gone to stars, as my fingers tremble to see you there.
That urge to strongly get out of here
never thought it would make me fear
Every word I said repeats constantly inside
As regret fills me up and my will to live dies
Was sort of pain already never enough
You had to teach me this lesson as you rest in the heavens above
Wish I could show you what it felt like
to feel what you've made me feel in this very time
Tarnishing my ability to internally heal
Feeling like I was worth less than a dime
Crying, sobbing, reminiscing isn't abnormal in these stages
Grief is so wholesome, it fades but never ages
Wounds feel as fresh as new as they hit my heart
Rewind is so addictive, can't begin to restart
Dark nights or sunny days
Stormy sights alongside a summery haze
Nothing matches up to such harsh goodbyes
Except me asking a thousand whys
Eventually, I know we'll all find something new to taste,
a new perspective that'll never go to waste,
yet welcoming this novel self that I become,
closes a portion of me that's so tight and numb
Every morning I ask God a million questions
About what may have possibly gone wrong
Agonising this personal invasion
And feeling as if nowhere is where I truly belong
With no answers but teary eyes,
that forcefully shut through these terrible mental bytes,
of familiarity that sticks to you being around,
my new normal is so unbearably drowned
I've been walking on this
never-ending highway to a living human hell,
With a drop of inevitable trauma and
the feeling of frozen body cells
There's a space that remains empty
That possibly can't be refilled
I hope you forgive me gently
As closure defeats the intuitive guilt
The human body has been known to forget
To restart, refresh, retake and reset
But no film matches to the ****** of this one
You were so much more than what can't now be undone
I'm obviously progressing through the present as it may seem,
but that night, that decision, that action still is as if it were a dream,
when the trauma shall surpass, the memories appear,
never had the thought of losing you this year
You're the memory I'll never forget,
those days we spent can't be over just yet,
truth is you ain't here anymore,
you've left too soon and will be missed to the core
Suicide is a really harmful decision. It may leave you in peace but your loved ones remain in pieces.