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 Dec 2017 The Mellon
Mims
You are just another object that they cannot ****
and it makes them angry
These boys, they get angry

So write goodbye behind your ear and down your throat and in permanent marker on both of your thighs

Tattoo **** backwards on your inner lip, so everytime you look in the mirror and try to choose teeth to pull to make their rejection more convenient
you will be reminded of who you are*

They will say swearing is ugly and you will say ***** until they shift in their seats
You will stare them down and bring your pointer finger across your neck
Don't you get it?
You will say
Pretty girls end up dead
You should know you're the ones killing them
But don't think that means I won't kick your *** in my skirt
won't strangle you with my golden hair
Won't choke you with my pretty nails until you are reduced to a blood stain
I wake up in once a month
These boys will think you owe them something
They will call you
*** *****
****
Simply in need of "some convincing"
When you don't want to sleep with them
you will tell them you get more girls then them
You are beautiful
You are ******
But most of all you are strong
You are fight
And you will tell all these boys to their face
That you could **** them with a look
You could weave a noose out of your armpit hair and fasten it around their big fat
Egos

You will be the one to change the world
I say
Cradling my daughter's head

You will be the one to change the world I say
Hugging my son tight
We will not go quietly into this darkness
I will raise you
With fight
I,
will raise you *RIGHT
This is my life.
Because my gender has been used to portray weakness and inadequacy and an excuse for lack of respect for as long as I can remember. I grew into a world uncaring unforgiving being told to mind my own business. When my bestfriend got ***** and everyone around me said "well, with a chest like that.." when my brothers and uncles dismiss my opinion, because "girls are too loud nowadays" it is entirely my business. I will not be silenced by your judgment.  I will not go quietly as so many have told me to.
People have told me this is just another angry feminist poem,
And ****
You're right.
 Dec 2017 The Mellon
Mims
do not follow me into the ocean
do not watch the waves lick my calves
do not wonder where I am going
I'm going
to the bottom of the ocean

the sun, sets
as do my intentions
the sand beneath my toes thickens
and turns more to stone
and shells
I am walking to the bottom of the ocean

so peculiar
to the creatures
that made a claim
to this
territory

no fins no scales
accompany me

I walk with my eyes open
until life begins to fade
until darkness is all there is
when I get to the bottom
the pressure would **** anyone but me

a tiny light sits
in the nothingness
so small almost nothings eyes could catch it
but I know
I came here for it
I have searched for it
far and wide
and here it is
the last real living star

I reach for it
slowly
savor such a moment
and as my fingers grasp it
I find myself
in space
again
empty handed

"can I not have one beautiful thing on earth!"
I scream into the nothingness
but no words come out
i scoff
not surprised
but I am startled
that all the times I have been dragged
back here
none of them have hurt less
then the first time I was betrayed

"nothing that beautiful belongs on earth"
whispers the heavens
but I am frustrated
"I have searched, and searched! and now I am leaving empty handed again! you have to promise me, promise me something beautiful, something beautiful but earthly"

"fine, I promise, I swear on all the planets in the universe"


and that's how I found *you.
 Nov 2017 The Mellon
Mims
*
 Nov 2017 The Mellon
Mims
*
"I'm lonely"

"make a mistake out of me"
Oops
 Nov 2017 The Mellon
Mims
Did you know
I have tiger stripes?
I'm actually a jungle cat
Waiting to pounce
Did you know
The lines around my hips have deepened
And so have the crinkles around my eyes when I smile
I have bruises up and down my legs
From my bedroom carpet
And wooden floors everytime I have fallen

On Que
I ask if I can go in front of you
and I flick across the floor
The same way I did inside my living room
But one misplaced toe
One thigh not turned out
And I find myself on the ground
I have done this
Over and over
I haven't fallen for so long
Muscle
I've built over years had kept me off the ground
And then it all came crashing down
Did you know?
No
Because you do not know me
You do not know the blood sweat and tears
You can not pick me apart
I am a work of art
But I was made by a 13 year old at three in the morning solely for self expression
I pick myself up and ask to go again
Because I know I can do better
Because I hold myself to an impossible standard above all others
I push myself
And my body betrays me
So I do it over and over as soon as I get home
Did you know
I stopped counting the stretch marks

Don't  worry about my legs looking 'bulky' as long as they support me
The day I found out i can only rely on myself
I did not cry
I built muscle
I gained tiger stripes.
Ballet is the only thing that is concrete for me.  So it is what I invest myself in, instead of people. It is the only form of self expression that has always meant the most to me, the day I quit therapy, I started ballet religiously. It is the only thing that is constant.
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