fluttering heartstrings
being tugged upon by
someone I promised
myself I would not let
in but here we are, and
when you look over at
me and I catch your
eyes on mine my doubt
seems to disappear for
just a half of a second
as I consider that maybe
I'm not as bad as I make
myself out to be inside
my brain, maybe I'm
just what you want and
need and feel deep in
your soul when you
think about me, the way
I think about you, and
that doubt returns quick
and all but it's no worry
because for just a second
you made me happy and
that's more than any drug
or pill could give me
because you're you and so
unreasonably handsome
and witty and I can't get
past the fact that you even
bother to make eye contact
with me, and even though I
normally hate eye contact
when I look in your eyes
my insides simultaneously
burn and relax and scream as
I think of everything hiding
behind those eyes and I can't
quite get it but I swear to you
I'd do anything to figure it out.

melancholy
something you can't quite remember
that's on the tip of your tongue
ready to be spoken
but hidden in the back of your brain
and so nothing is said

If I am constantly told that
my grades do not define me,
then why has my entire life
been centered around making
them perfect?
Why do you not care if I
have values or morals but
instead care if I know what
the hypotenuse of a triangle is?
Why am I graded on how much
I can jam in the already
stuffed file cabinets of my brain
when I am constantly told
I am more than my GPA?

it's absolutely unreasonable
how hard my heart pounds
when I see your name
or someone who looks like you
or you talk to me
or I see you from a distance
but what's even worse
is when you smile at me
and for one sacred moment
time stops.