I can't write,
I don't cry,
I hate goodbye,
life does bite.
I am hurt,
I have pain,
yet I ain't slain,
but I flirt,
with my knife,
with my fate,
fuel my hate,
toy with my life.
I am a broken soul,
I have no heart,
it tears me a part,
my chest with its hole.

I will fake all the smiles
You will fake all the tears
To hide this inner pain
To show how "strong" you are
I have no problems, yet
When you have no problems
I hurt, I cry, for reasons
You like being alone, so do it
I do not have, I am weak
You like a girl, you give her
so I will fake strength
to the more deserving
to help the strong, and bolster
You have suicidal tendencies
the weak, give them hope
to make them feel sorry for you
for life, so I stay alive
and you split your thoughts
for them, because otherwise
so that you can break me
I would go gentle into that good night
*but "you" and "I" are just "me"

I am a liar, an actor,
I lie with my smile,
I keep every factor,
in a mental file.

I lie, with sarcasm,
so they know it to be,
not true, "its him
being funny," The key
to lying, is to lie
to yourself, then to them

I see your body
pale white against the night sky
like a luminescence cast from the moon
calm yourself down
and tell your tide to come back
to shore

I've seen you punch wine bottles
until you’re so drunk off your own fist
you can’t see straight
from the stars in your eyes
hoping for a chance
or a shot
or an expectation

I would expect no less
from someone as hopefully hopeless
because when I look at you
I see myself
in the clear lines that run
from your eyes
and stain your cheeks

I wish someone could sail up your river
slam the gate, break the gears
and close up your dam
It’s a ******* shame
your eyes are starting
to only shine from the water lines

Don’t drown in your own sky
Tell your tide to come back to shore
I’m sure you will find
your way

You remind me of spring
with the gentle warmth
caressing the land
like your hand in mine
when we would sit and watch
the fireflies
light up the twilit sky

You remind me of summer
with fireworks
in your cloudless eyes.
Like the fourth of July
sitting love drunk on the lawn
with a balmy breeze blowing through
your ash gold hair

You remind me of autumn
with the way words roll of your lips
like the raindrops in the early morning
wetting the fallen leaves
from the night before
making the world smell
brand new

You remind me of winter
with your alabaster skin
shimmering with light
from the fireplace.
Your embrace kept the whiskey feeling
in my stomach
as we huddled beneath the covers

You remind me of the sun
and how it dances with the moonlight
every single morning
and takes a bow
every single night
before laying down,
with me

You were
the white picket fence
and
the house in
the suburbs.
Not to mention
the reason
I left
my home
for a chance at
a better life.
You were
my American Dream

I have this fantasy where I am driving on the interstate and I am not daydreaming about crashing my car and being killed on impact

I have this fantasy where I have never spent a whole summer covering up my scars

I have this fantasy where I know my body and I am at peace with it

I have this fantasy where I never stopped making art because of what a teacher said to me when I was seventeen

I have this fantasy where I know how to write good poetry

I have this fantasy where I have never fallen in love with too many drug addicts

I have this fantasy where I am sleeping with a stranger for fun and not because I hurt

I have this fantasy where someone knows all the best parts of me

I have this fantasy where someone knows all the worst parts of me

I have this fantasy where I can say “I love you” out loud instead of just writing it down

I have this fantasy where I am giving my whole self to somebody else and they are not asking me for more

I am at the party I did not want to attend

I am at the party although I would rather be at home in bed

I am at the party and I cannot find the girl who invited me

I am at the party and oh my god where should I stand

I am at the party and I am feeling grateful for the pack of cigarettes I bought before I came, now I have something to do with my hands

I am at the party and everyone seems to be speaking a foreign language I can't understand

I am at the party and no thank you I don't want a drink

I am at the party and I already said no, please leave me alone

I am at the party and I'm sorry I'm not trying to be rude

I am at the party and why am I sorry I haven't done anything wrong

I am at the party and I am trying hard to blend in with the patterns on the wallpaper

I am at the party and I am focusing on seeping into the furniture and into the floor and into the soil

I am at the party and it's been 30 minutes is it okay for me to leave yet

I am at the party and why don't these people have any pets

I am at the party and the line for the bathroom is way too long where am I going to hide now

I am at the party and I am texting myself would-be poems that will gather dust as drafts

I am at the party and I should really learn how to dance

I am at the party and I look across the room and I see you

I am at the party and she is biting your lip, her fingers in your hair

I am at the party and you look happier with her than you ever did with me

I am leaving the party as quickly and calmly as my legs will carry me

I am leaving the party and it's okay I'm okay everything is going to be okay