... that comes when i gaze
at the glimmering colors of dusk
that looming over me---i'm happy
with my own lengthening shadow on the ground
and the remnants of you
in the waning of the sun rays

ten days into january
but my soul already
ache for the
softness and warmth of
december; to be cradled
again in his arms

but your way of
v a n i s h i n g
has the power to question
my own existence.
was it real? or was it just an awfully
l
o
   n
     g
       dream?

- анна о. к.

in those distant days, i said i never wanted to puff a single cigarette; i never wanted to put any dangerous substances in my system that would compel me to ask for it over and over again. you might be getting high off them, but the thought of they’d harm me—consume me little by little, gradually, until there’s nothing left with me but addiction and dependency is dreadful to me.

it all changed after you decided to break my heart.

now, i don’t care if i harm myself with cigarettes or any dangerous substances. i’m not afraid. because i survived you. you and your love are more harmful. the apocalyptic moment when we pressed our lips together, you also ****** the soul out of my body, leaving me a little to none of myself; you crept inside of me, savoring my vulnerability—they're even more harmful and addictive and euphoric than cigarettes or any dangerous substances could do to our bodies. yet i still survive, although i'm trembling every now and then with some pieces of you and me left in my grasp.