Poetry is pain.
I only have words when
I can't take the strain.
In the day to day
when I can't complain,
then I feel nothing  
and have nothing to say.
The same ten thoughts on a loop,
the same old shtick-
This is just as effective
as a doctor's anaesthetic,
for numbing the mind.
I dose up till I stop feeling sick.
As much as I hate it,
I'll keep playing the game,
running thoughts over and over
endless cycle in my brain.
I am useless when I'm fine,
tragically boring when I'm sane,
because I only have words
when I'm madly in pain.

Tell me that I'm useless
Validate my tears
Nothing else could help me see
Beyond these wasteful fears

I'm sorry it was a ****** night for you
But you seem to have a lot of those
And there's nothing I can do

Sleeping on the top bunk
I got really good at crying
without making a sound.
Strong and resolute,
is what I aspired and pretended to be.
I never learned to fight,
let alone to fight fair.
There is no room for contention
between myself and I,
or anyone for that matter.
Now I seem to be left defenseless,
but can't tell the difference
between safety, security
and when I need to be defended.
Everything is easy,
everything is lovely.
Sleep instead of thinking,
like my mother before.

Violent vain vicious vexing
Vent to me it's still so perplexing.
Listening in silence quickly gets draining.
When will you realize
You're not that entertaining.
And honestly I wouldn't even mind,
If you could only take the time
To do the same

******, bruised, on the point of breaking.
All at once I carved you out of my heart
With a razor of ice,  now I can't stop shaking.

How do I bury my hatred and obsession?
I don't want to think or breathe or feel.
You will never hear another true confession.

Plastered on my lips is a well worn smile.
To ease the pain I force myself to forget,
and it starts to feel genuine for just a little while.

I'll ice the wound and pretend that I'm fine.
Deep underground in a golden box
Is where I have hidden what's left of my mind.

You don't get to have layers or dimension.
No tension, just breathe.

Dimension is something you must earn,
But soon you will learn to be untouchable.

There is no form of violence or agression acceptable.
You have to be respectable. Don't even move.

The would-be layers blend into one muddled grey.
Who you are is long washed away, untouchable.

Some sincerity you may sneak, but come right back
When you can't take the heat. Look ahead.

Do what it takes to hold yourself together.
It will forever be easier to be untouchable.