spread your wings across the sea
feathers glistening in the spray
leaving trails of rainbow in your wake.

sunny skies and puffy clouds
in among the big blue sky
reflect from the mirror of the sea.

storm along the horizon
creeping from behind
consuming the rainbow it will take.

rolling in and hiding the sun
plucking the feathers from the wings
falling into the sea where no one can see.

i want to fall in love
even though i know it usually ends in pain
because even pain is better than feeling
nothing at all

i try not to blame her
she makes you happy
and if you deserve anything
it is to be happy but
every time i see your eyes light up at her
brighter than they ever did at me
there’s a pang of aching jealousy that
hits me and my stomach drops to the floor
i wish i could be her
i wish i had her long blond hair,
perfectly shaped lips and thin hips
i wish i could’ve made you as happy as
she makes you.

soon i’ll be gone from your memory
i’d like to say the same for you of mine but
i know the thought of you kissing her will be
enough to keep me up at night for weeks

it’s not her fault, it’s not her fault, it’s not her fault
(is it mine?)

Do you see it?
Do you see them in my eyes?
Look deep, don't you see?
No?

Do you hear it?
Do you hear me?
Listen carefully, can't you hear?
No?

Well, do you see my fake smiles?
Do you see the tears I'm burring in my mind?
I thought so.

Do you hear the silent screams of pain inside me?
Do you hear me sobbing in my castle, forever alone?
Thought so.

Before the Demons with guns came,
Happy
Joy
Laughter
Real Smiles

After they came,
Sadness
Tears
Silent Screams
Dreams of Death
Fake Smiles

I cannot cry my lord where am I and why
Lord can I not cry on these dying lies
Nor return again from fields that wilt
To sheath myself by my sunken hilt

I travel through time to a time I was heard
Believing a song but forgetting the words
In my funeral robes of white satin at night
I cannot see my god between the dark and the light

If you had given me one reason to live
Oh if you had only given me a soul to give
If you had delivered to me the courage to forgive
Oh if you had loved me, enough to forbid

Oh Lord what have you done with my heart
The abhorrent creature which hides in the dark
Less than the beast of something which flew
The broken silhouette of something which grew
From the ashes of the great creator

.

*Music written to
the sound of the rain,
patters of notes upon
slick windowpanes
mesmerizing a day
of reminiscence,
when two hearts
danced between
the steady drizzle

Drenched in the key
of lost moments
playing over and over
in the saturated symphonies
of my mind’s
harmonic sadness
un-tuned melodies echo
through puddles collected
within a cappella fingers