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We grew up
Quickly
Wishing to be older
Wanting nothing more
Than freedom
16 meant driver's license
18 meant cigarettes
And 21 was left for liquor
For gambling
And finally calling yourself
A grown up

It was his birthday
A few weeks ago
The age
We spend our whole lives
Waiting to be
And he came so close
To being it

21
It has been
Half a year
Since his leaving
So abrupt in its presence
Death has a way
Of shaking you
Waking you up
Only to have you fall back asleep
Again
And forget about it
It's hard to remember someone is gone
When you don't see them
Everyday
Loss is funny like that

21
You look through the texts
On your phone
Years back
You didn't know him well
But you knew him
And past tense feels strange
Knowing these kinds of things
Are permanent

21
Your best friend
Introduced you
That night in September
Spent filling lungs with smoke
I think it was a high holiday
The four of you
Laughing over nothing
The irony of it all
Kills me

21
She loved him
Still does

21
Taking hits
Escalates
Into much more
One time
Is all it takes

21
It is his birthday
The first
Without him here
He can finally do
All of the things
We've been doing for years
In secret
In hushed voices
And in hiding from our parents
Except now it is legal
Now it is allowed
Now it is okay
But it is not okay

He is 21
And he is not here
To celebrate

He is 21
And his mother
Is pouring a glass of wine
Alone

He is 21
And his birthday wishes
Sound more like condolences
There are words of grief
Instead of cheers
His facebook
Is a collection of memories
And emotions
He will not be forgotten
We swear

21
We grew up
Wishing to be older
Wanting nothing more
Than freedom
Age may not liberation
But neither
Is death

21
Make sure
To have a drink
For him.
Nonsense.
No sense.

The essence of low friends,
in places
you mistake for a shade of grey that you know steams,
from the black and white of compromise,
that satisfied your wild side,
but at brighter times the child cries,
from inside your mind that amplifies;
your mistakes, because they're special.

Aren't they special?
they're unique and defeat is something to revel.

So the focus is a must,
in lies we must trust,
the instinct to sit and think
and adjust whats unjust.
Disgusting is love,
that is crushing the truth
of whats to be done, now the blame is on you.

If something is wrong,
to run,
is the fun of being crazy.
Insanity is trying this whole thing on a maybe.
Maybe it'll change,
maybe I will too.
Acceptance is scary,
but scary is you.
aren't real.

Love is only an ideal
a belief we live
and never achieve.

But love stories we need.

Only its conjured spirit
makes some sense

of our existence!
 Oct 2014 Dafne Maradiaga
L
Remember
my body is not your temple
do not worship there
I am not a deity
I am not a holy place
I have many sins, many scars, many demons

My heart is not your home
You have no claim
Learning the secrets I have locked away in darkest corners of my person is a privilege
Do not take my willingness to let you explore me for granted

My love is a gift
it is wrapped in the battered letters that I wrote to my last lover before he left the shattered remains of my heart behind in a wooden box
Be gentle when you unwrap what is left of me
I have only just begun putting myself back together
Sleeping dogs are kicked
just to hear them bark
we stare at the sun
and stay in the dark

the dead men tell tales
and we make our horses drink
a rolling stone gathers moss
and **** doesn't stink

we are better sorry than safe
the sword is mightier than the pen
practice never makes perfect
it's all just pretend

two wrongs make a right
never is better than late
we don't see our own sight
we are what we hate

we look gift horses in the mouth
while birds of a feather peck each others eyes out
 Oct 2014 Dafne Maradiaga
Jaimi M
You wonder
why I wiggle
so much
why my legs
bounce,
and my hands
twitch.
Truth is,
my mind
can't slow down
It doesn't know
how to take a day off,
its far too good
at tormenting me
more and more
with each
passing second.

-JRM
tell me baby
your second favorite poem
made by me

yes, not the first
but the second
for the first is

yours to keep
yours to feel
yours to believe

only


e.c
I'd quench that thirst -
evening satiation throbs in
my head, in my heart, in my
-
whenever you were thirsty.

I'd live without it -
no shortcomings of vices in
the smoke, in the liquor, in the
-
unless only you instigate.

You keep on lying -
can you let me escape the
thoughts, feelings, desire?

- on that bed, those satin sheets.

Black lace and smoldering incense
cloud the hazy, lustful dreams
where the satisfied sighs, screams,
smiles were unforgettable.
I'm up in the sky and I can't
keep running away.
Shoutout to Jay for encouraging me to write more.
Who are you
to toy with her heart
play with her innocence
tear her apart?

Who are you
to place a kiss
slowly and lovingly
upon her lips?

Who are you
to destroy her after?
You've had your fun
you're filled with laughter.

Who are you
to make her fall in love
promise her the world
let her fly like a dove?

But this dove
doesn't fly anymore.
You destroyed her heart
left her aching and sore.

Now this girl
whose heart you defeated
she doesn't understand
she feels alone and depleted.


To all the girls,
you're not a toy.
You're worth so much more,
than some stupid boy.
they asked me
what did YOU do today to make the world a better place?
i looked down at my feet
embarassed
"i woke up"
i said
"i got out of bed"
they looked at me, puzzled
"i didn't let depression win"
a small smile crept across my face
no, my dear, the world the world
what did you do to make  the world  a better place
i took a deep breath
"i told the girl in the bathroom mirror she was beautiful"
"i told the boys to stop bullying the girl in the hallways though i wonder if they heard me"
"i told the empty hallways i'd be okay"
i told depression i'd bury it
i woke up
i got up
i stood up
and i hit "play"
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