i've been nauseous every day this week
because i've been staying up until
the sun rises trying to remember
the way your eyes look
when you're in love

and i know
the universe is huge,
i'm always moving from place to place
but of everywhere i've ever been
the only place i ever crave
is your creeky back porch,
with the chipped green paint,
that i'd always peel back
when we were fighting
and i was anxious

still when my heart drops
and my hands shake
i wanna peel back
that chipped green paint
-

-

the night before you
slammed my front door
for the last time,
you were curled up in a ball
on the opposite side of the mattress,
and i was wishing you'd hold me
but i kind of knew you never would again

i said,
"i know nothing lasts forever
but i thought we were worth a miracle"

and you said,
"my apathy just got the best of me,
i don't feel you in my fingertips,
you don't send shivers
down my spine,
not anymore.
& i just don't miss
you when you leave,
your kisses never stick,
not anymore."

-

-
today i woke up
feeling like i never slept
and yesterday i went to bed
feeling like i was never even awake
...
venus keeps cartwheeling
backwards and no one knows why;
stars keep falling right out of the sky
and you're the only thing
that's been on my mind