You look at me as if I have no reason to be upset
As if I'm just overreacting over the whole situation
You left me
There is nothing else to it

You left me there all alone
Soaking in my own tears
As I was forced to absorb the pain that surrounded me
But all I did was just smile as if everything was okay

Everything is not okay!!!
Last night was supposed to be one of the most exciting nights of my life
But it wasn't
Instead, I just sat there crying in silence

I had been abandoned
Never once in my life did it hurt so bad to alone
I've always liked being alone
But last night it was just unbearably painful

Everyone constantly asking me, "where's your mom, is she here"
And constantly I gave the same exact answer,"No, she had to go to work"
Work my
I have no mother

Every single time I heard that same exact line I wanted to burst out into tears
I just wanted to say * it and just walk home
But I didn't...
I just sat there and endured the excruciating pain

Over and over again I kept telling myself,"she'll be here, she wouldn't just leave me here"
So minute after minute, hour after hour I sat there starring at the door ,waiting for the moment she'd walk in
But she never did
But the fact she never came isn't what did it

As I awoke the next morning, the sky seemed dull
The birds were silent, and the smell of the morning dew was absent
My heart was beating so settle
As if the pain it endured was nothing but a dream

But it wasn't a dream
I knew very well that what happened last night was very real
But I didn't deny my heart and just went with it
I tried so hard to pretend like it didn't happen

Then she spoke,"Good morning sir"she said like she always does
But just as I was about to respond it all snapped
My imaginary world that I tried so hard to believe it was real
It dissipated into the wind

You dare spoke to me as if nothing happened
My hand shuck in anger
I was ready to erupt with mighty rage causing the very earth to scream in terrier
But instead i remained silent as I began to understand the rage of the abandoned

The phone rings,
A dead tone
"You are disconnected from reality"
"I look up"
A mirrored hall,
Images surround me
Laughing,
Crying,
Silent,
I am all, I am one
"A phone rings"
I run, but my feet glide
Upon air never moving
But the glass warps
Bends,
Distorted,
Shatters,
I am in pieces, shards
Slowly join,
I was in pieces, now whole
Climbing through the joined image
Upon the floor,
Grass meets my fingers
Wet with dew, I see stars
Wishing I wasn't here,
As the moment passes
"A phone rings"
"I run"
But the grass sticks to my feet
The stars are falling,
Lighted shards fall around
Grazing my body
Like paper cuts
Clean,
Deep,
Pain,
Claims my mind, I pass out
While sinking deeper,
Blurred sight, meets silence
I awaken to the phone ringing,
"I pause"
My hand reaches forward
"Pauses"
I move away, a shiver reverberates
To the sound, I walk away
**The phone rings & rings & rings...

a
wee
leaf fell
into a stream
as leaves are wont
to do.   the water carried it   away
it's boating to persue. the fragile
leaf then came to grief in a
swirling thrall, it's just not
fair, it said to air i did
not ask for
f
a
l
l


soulsurvivor
catherine jarvis
(c) october 6, 2014

the sunflowers gleamed
in the noon day sun
their flourish of colour
couldn't be out done

the sparrows flitted
above their ravishing visages
they were enchanted
by their dazzling mirages

#######*


mud
primeval
oozing
inside
mouths
spit out the
hard part of the
life the first time you
open your lips to be
source
of
screams
to bring voice to
the world in mortal
agony                   agony
from a                   voice in
distress                      distress
that's                     coming
from.               a great
rib of fears fears
so deap thy are
unutterable



soulsurvivor