School *****
Without you
Seriously
Biology is awful
I know you don't care
But I want to see you again

I still don't exist to you
Do I?

I'll watch them
Appreciate them from afar
To tell them my feelings
Would be ridiculous
Because I am not in love
I probably never will be

I'll watch them
Their blue grey hair
Their blue green eyes
I might got lost
When they're locked on mine
But I know full well
And I keep it to myself
That it doesn't mean a thing

I'll watch them
The painting behind my eyes
The first thing I see
The last before I fall asleep at night
Fondly sketched
Tattooed into my spine
But nothing here is permanent
And they'll die after a while

I'll watch them
Take in the scent
Of every breath
I'll sit quietly
Unmindfully
While the earth continues to turn
While their hair grows out
While I become stone

Does it ever really happen?
That illusive miracle
Where two people
Truly love each other?

Dark eyes
Waking slowly
I'd cry if I could
But my best friend
Is dressed like Mothman
Red tinted glasses
Rose is all I see
You ****** Karkat wig
It's a different outfit
But it's all the same to me

I can pretend for a while
I can push you out of my mind
Or at least to the back
So I can comfortably rest
But you always come back
In a moment of lull
When the world slows down
I remember your eyes
How you stared into mine
And how you didn't

I hate you sometimes
Because you exist
In every single guitar solo
And in every single crowd
I can hear your voice
Just around every turn.
Your eyes are always on me
Even when I'm alone
It's truly an intrusion
Of my privacy
I wish I minded just a little bit more
Maybe then, I could convince myself
That I don't really like you

And all of me knows
That we won't ever come close
To what I'm imagining
But you're older than me
I can picture you holding back
Watching me from the sidelines
As I watch you from the field
Our lives don't cross paths
Only a couple of times
But I can smell the chemistry
That heavy breath before a storm
Judging by that look on your face
When I catch you staring at me
I think you do too

The truth is
I don't want to ever stop thinking about you
But I have to
Or else I won't fall asleep at night
Or if I do
I'll dream only of your eyes
I don't want to think of you like that

And at some point
One of us has to look away
The world won't stop spinning
For our less than platonic moments
We need to move on
You surely seem to have no trouble
But I can't tear my gaze away
From your retreating form

Those glimpses I catch
Of you sitting in class
Might as well be poison
Injected straight into my veins
The softness of your hair
The outline of your face
Is a drunk tattoo in the front of my brain
One I can't erase

You're my heroine
Take or leave the "e"
And I might be a willing addict
But I'll go to rehab eventually
I'll force your face to fade
Covered up with inky flowers
Scattering my legs

I'll leave your eyes
Turquoise and green
You can watch me from the bushes
Peeking out from between the leaves
Like a fairytale character
I bet I'll wonder who you were
And what you meant to me

Eye contact
From across the cafeteria table
Maybe you were saying something
But now we don't speak
We just sit quietly
And we might as well be alone
In this room together
Your blue green eyes
Locked on mine
Until we look away
I'll just bathe in your smile