like the blunt
dangling from his lips
he lit me up
when he needed to numb the pain
and tossed me out
with the other roaches
when there was nothing left to take

s.s

I can feel the rise and fall of my chest with each breath I take
Cant feel the pain or sadness anymore
Counting back from 10, 9, 8
Just a little bit to take the edge off
Just one chance to escape

The warmth washes over me like the sun on a summer day
I can sense the “feelings” I trapped inside trying to come back out and play
But not this time, not today

This is my war to fight
My dark and light
Relive the troubles, or see constant reminders of all my sins?
The question - Who will win?

Started writing how I feel, so I’d channel all this pain
Thought that maybe it would heal, all the **** inside my brain
Being lost became too real, pretending it was just a phase
No way out the doors are sealed, oh the monsters I create

I’m not proud with how I’m coping, it’s the only way I know
Substances run my emotions, welcome to the life of a broken soul
On the outside I look fine, but really that is just a show
‘Scars will heal give it time’ but life is moving way too slow

Patience ain’t a trait of mine, quickly losing all my hope
This life ain’t what I thought, wasting time is al I know
I got voices in my head, I got thoughts I can’t control
I am losing all my friends, guess I’m better on my own

I am in this world trying to find my place
But everything i see leaves me with a bad taste
Pride and greed is the focus of the game
Every human I meet, they seem the same.

I cry at night in bed and wonder
If there is a way to live without going under
I am surrounded by pressure from people to be
A person my parents wanted to see.

But instead I'm caving in, sinking
Spend time smoking **** and drinking
I'm popping pills and shooting up H
Anything I find to reduce the ache.

Ashamed of who I am today
The way I am living is not okay
Pushing me close to thoughts of suicide
Wondering if it would matter if I died.

I cannot control my mind, I wish I could
Maybe then I would feel something good
Instead of this pain and sorrow
All I do is hope it gets better tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes, and tomorrow goes
Without highs but plenty of lows
I lost my job and it's my fault
Income has come to a crashing halt.

Each bill I crumple and throw away
Utilities I can't afford to pay
Drowning in problems, with no help in sight
That's the reason I cry day and night.

I wake, nautious, before my alarm
I follow my routine; stick a needle in my arm
I hate the monster I've become
I'm tired of hurting, I want to be numb.

I cannot live like this forever, I know
But this lifestyle won't let me go
It is now or never, turn my life around
Or end up six feet underground.

I thought it was bad then it only got worse
I thought that my hunger could cure my thirst
last things last and first things first
thinking about my ride in a hearse

I thought it was bad then it only got worse
the world's been a weight ever since my birth
wondering why I was put on this earth
life is a blessing nah life is a curse

I stare at my reflection,
and hate everything I see,
ive turned into the person,
I swore I would never be.

I feel like a hypocrite,
in the worst kind of way,
and my life keeps getting worse,
every miserable long day.

I want so badly to change,
but it is the hardest thing to do,
I can't go back to how I was,
pain has changed who i once knew.

Im scared ill never escape,
the path I started walking on,
and even if I could get off,
Everything I love is gone.

I'm trying so hard to stay sober,
Taking it one day at a time,
But I'm barely hanging on,
Struggling on this uphill climb.

I'm on the wagon for good now,
But isn't that what I always say?
It seems like no matter what I do,
That is the one place I never stay.

Too soon, I'll fall off onto my ***,
And flush all my progress down the drain,
The landing hurts, but not for long;
The drugs are there to numb the pain.

Maybe this time I'll do better,
Tomorrow will be day twenty-three,
Although it feels so good to get high,
Sober is what I'm trying to be.