I was supposed to write this out like a journal entry but it ended up being more like a poem

I feel stupid for loving someone who doesn’t give a **** about me
And I’ve spent four, almost five years loving him even when I couldn’t love myself
And for that, I feel dumb
I feel dumb for waiting on something that will never come
And I feel especially dumb for those times I believed all those sweet nothings you murmured in my ear
Dumb for my heart soaring at the text messages you would send m
Dumb for thinking the impossible
The inevitable
Dumb for believing you were the one
Sad because I still love you
And that will never change
But one day I will move on
And somehow I’ll forget your name
And it might hurt too much to even go back through time in my brain
And think about how close we once used to be
And all the things we said
Because those things no longer matter
When you can’t say to me anymore
It’s as if those words fade
And they no longer mean anything to you or me
But I’m stuck here loving you
Stuck here in alternating universe where you love me too

I woke up,
at 1 am,
my mind,
immediatly plagued,
chaotic thoughts came to play,
deppresing ones also festered,
what can I say?
a troubled thought,
for a troubled guy,
how do I endure,
these consistent nights of woe?
At 1 am,
I think of you,
and suddenly,
the thoughts vanished,
with your stare,
and with your laugh,
my mind,
found peace.

i couldnt kiss her
her lips have not known sin yet
her eyes spell innocence
young and unspoiled
but her diagram
stills the very thoughts in me
i stare at her with lust boiling in me
as i debate within
whether i should
if i dont someone else will
............. i will

kiss my lips
tell me i'm pretty

grab my thighs
tell me you miss me

clutch my hips
tell me I'm your only one

look me straight in the eyes
tell me you need me

break my heart
and tell me you love me.

i am a sheet of white paper
very light and sacred
and you are the pen
full of some untold stories
you know that paper and pen are meant to be together
so i gave you all my body and soul
for you