I'm happiest alone in my blue room
When the new moon
Brings hymns from my blue muse

Curled up in my blue egg
Bought some new Keds
Now I'm spinning blue webs

You didn't mean to do this
But you really blue this
Turning everything so blueish

We may just be two fish
But I don't know who this
Swimming soul is who could do this

I dug up some blue blooms
To fill my blue bath with fumes
While my bottle consumes
these blue veins like reigns how the hurricaine looms

I don't want to play with you boy
This blue pen is my favorite toy
I'm a kind kitten who doesn't **** coy

You can kick me til I'm sick and then make me lick the wounds
And from far away I'll meow to you blue blue tunes

The harder you try to pull away,
the tighter I squeeze,
and I swear I don't mean to come off too strong,
but a history of abandonment
and fizzling potential
has left me with constrictor instincts

i can't live in my head
anymore, the clutter, the
cataclysmic canvas of my mind
all around me, pasting
red letters on my retinas,
leaving pomegranate ulcers
on my tongue,
                           demanding i put it
                                               to rest.

augustine, what have you done to me?
i should feel wildfires without guilt
i should tremble on the cusp between
wishing i could be entirely consumed
and wishing i could erupt.
we should shiver without fear
of melting retribution.
god can hold the candle that drips
hot wax on my nape,
i don't believe they hate what they create.
augustine, you've made me unclean.
we spend hours smearing acid between two
bodies, don't we erode our impurities?

i tell myself im feeling better.
no social media
no outside distractions
just me and my mind.

ive made quite a few changes in these seemingly eternal summer months
ive changed my diet
changed my thinking
my sleep schedule
my hobbies and interests
even my wardrobe.

ive made all these changes
ive gotten out of my head (for the most part)
so if ive made all these changes and if im doing all of these new and better things
why do i still feel so low ?

i feel low not as in sad
no sad is too simple, too cliche, too blase
i feel low as in my heart will start to clench and struggle to beat
my breathing gets shallow
my thoughts are dulled and become sullen and narrow
like im on the verge of a never arriving panic attack

so tell me if im filled with no responsibilities no standards to hold myself to
filled with a sense of freedom and "peace" as many would say
how come if you asked me to today
i still couldnt put my so called peace on a scale of 1 to 10 ?

The window pane leaves morning chills,
Dew fogs up the glass.
Little bumps across my skin,
Winter's coming in.

A crochet blanket, hand-stitched with love,
Strewn across my Duvet.
But when head turned left, there's vacancy
of someone right beside me.

The touch of another human,
This kiss from another soul.
Warmth that would be inside me,
Isn't there anymore.

Somedays I wonder how long it'll take,
till I meet the perfect balance
But until that day comes, i'll sink into my sheets
And let the mornings pass me over.