We write it and we destroy it
Do with it what we see fit
Tear it up
Burn it, hide it below dead js in a cup
Like our souls
Like the cigarette burn holes
In our shirts and our arms
Our sleeping bags
Awoken to forever-under-our-eyes bags

A series of thoughts transcend into a tough day;
Me without you, due to the day your life drifted away.
Flushed down anxiety pills to forbade myself  from suicidal decay,
Because eternity without you is something I can't stand to say.

My raw heart collapses each day, while pretending I'm okay.
And I’m entrapped, demanding to penetrate through foreplay.
My shocked sense of love remains as your body withers & grays.
When I come to visit, I sit six feet over where you lay.

What family now? What remains I’m unused to.
This new normal is not what I planned to seek reassurance through.
You were the one and only, and you were taken like theft.
Everyday I'm taken adrift thinking of what you there is left.

A battle for faith while walking through this living hell.
For while I endure this pain, I imagine you released from life's spell.
Selfishly I want you back, although you’re finally in peace.
You endured everyday painfully and you've earned your release.

If there is One, tell the apparition to help.
For none that I know can comprehend what depth of pain I've felt.
Felt or feel, the ambiguity blends,
As the difference in meanings escapes from life's natural mends.

For my muse, I choose the euphoric source
Of my most transcendent -

   Lovely
- Muddy
Memories.

Perceptual flashes ― slosh slushing
Approaching an untamed blue-green pond
Just your average amphibian gone blonde.
In sunshine or windward shower.

Loitering around the grassy brim,
On that one slick rock, I stood up
Catch a fish ― oooooh you swift ⁓
Let it back in?

Or you could...
Run screaming like the flaming river rumbling down the mountain.
To the lunulate lagoon?? in the front yard

Hop & stand
Fish in hand You. Have. To. Make. It.  

But     the        gargantuan          estate.  .     . it's too late.

That tiny t-rex gait ― might just seal
That golden guppies fait.

Cause you sprung like spring
And set that little sucker free.

My head is on the pillow
Heart echoes in my ear
I pull my warming arms
out from neath the  covers


Searching for a familiar arm
a familiar leg
I pull it under
My warm fuzzy friend
hold it to my *****
Now restlessness will end

I forgot what it was like to be around her, i'm so used to being in the company of lighter souls.
The heaviness is starting to sink back into my bones.
The day turns to darkness, and back to dawn soon, and sleep still hasn't come because the battle between eyelids scanning screens and the inside of themselves proved to be easier than you'd think.

You made me forget that I didn't have a green thumb
You were the green thumb, you are the green thumb
and you're still around, you're still here, but not in the dark,
only when i've got the sunshine anyway, because you are the sunshine
and **** i'm not a flower when I'm alone and looking in the mirror at a single silhouette

I knew I was ****** when I started looking for my skeleton again

The truth is you hardly know these bones, you helped to hide them, heal them.

But every moment I spend with my thoughts brings them out more

They aren't necessarily bad, but I don't know who I am
I know what I want, who I want, who I want to be,
but who am I at one in the morning when I slip back into watching
dramas about people with OCD and anorexia and I find myself crying and wishing there was another skeleton for me hold on to...
one thats not mine.


****, I'm even writing again... That's a sign too.

I was broke as usual it's okay I understood that far easier than I ever did being well off.

Long as there was a bottle and a room I could crash in I was good.
I never cared to gamble.
I lived my life that was a gamble enough

My money i preferred to be wasted upon myself not given to a fixed game played by overpaid children.

The only sport I ever loved was fighting.
I understood you against another.
In life its always you against the world.

I loved to fight even when you lose you know you've lived
I had stepped between those ropes often.

Paid the the price for a simple mistake and been knocked flat on my *** for it.
Boxing is a human chess match very few men have what it takes to go toe to toe with another.

Anyone can fall down it takes a man or mental patient to keep getting back up.
I had paid my dues broken bones multiple concussions between that and all the ***** poured into my skull you think I would be braindead by now.

Some would tell you I already was.
And those people would be like most full of **** speaking on things they know nothing about.

Critics come in all forms.
Don't worry over there opinions nobody ever worth a **** sat on the sidelines.

I had nothing to show for my years.
I could barely get moving some days.
But when the drinks hit me right and some young **** called me out i still had that spark that fueled the fire.

Never take **** from.anyone no matter how tuff they seem.
Anyone can get caught anyone can bleed.

Remember kids its not what you can dish out.
Its how much you can take and keep going that makes you tuff.

I wore my scars like tattoo's.
Everyone of them had a story.
I never believed in luck.

I just kept going no matter what stood before me.

If I depended on luck in my life.
I would be up **** creek for the rest of my existence.

Never stay down no matter how easy it seems.

I've smoked the strangest dope
I've sniffed the finest blow

Nothing compared to the feeling

I've climbed the tallest mountains
I've swam in the deepest sea

Nothing screamed quite as loud

I've eaten the richest foods
I've felt the walls in my soul caving in

Nothing bled as deep

I've felt ultimate happiness
I've had cold steel against my head

Nothing hurt like falling in the frozen river