I see all these blank pages of my future and I tear them to shreds//
I only want to live in the pages of my past//
I only wanted it to last//
For her to last//
I don't wish it was different just that I had done things differently//
Maybe it'd end the same, but not knowing hurts//
Not trying hurts//
Somewhere I stopped trying to grow and only tried to control//
I was just a boy in a man's frame//
Yet I knew how to love her//
I still love her//
But she's gone like the ashes of a wildfire//
Alone I still sing of her//
Empty, echoing, loneliness//
It is my new peace//

So,
I tried this
Dating site
And what
Did I discover
That love
Is now
Many times
A cover
People aren't
Human
Much anymore
Maybe I'm
Made for
A deeper love
For sure
Experience #1
Met a younger
Man calls me
**** and says
He likes his
Women older
Talks in full
Detail about
How it will be
Then vanishes
Into thin air
Before we
Ever meet
Experience #2
Yes this one
Has a great
Sense of humor
Holds his own
Profile says
"Single" but
When we meet
For coffee for
The first time
He'll need to
Tell me his story
We sit there
In Starbucks
Music blaring
He tells me, his voice low
The truth
He is married
Has a daughter
In another country
And the baggage
Spilled into air
I looked at him
And said now
That's a burden
I can't bare
That fast
Disappeared
Experience #3
Another twenty seven
Year old man
Approaches
We chat about
Philosophy
For half an hour
He has a warm
Smile and is
Standing in a
Field of flowers
(In his pic)
He asks seemingly
Innocently
If I'd like to text
We exchange digits
Start to flirt
Before I know it
He says he finished
Before it started
He departed
Never met him
In real life
Never heard
From him again

You will give it to me
Then you'll take it away
Because somehow for you
Love's a game with to play
My intensity doesn't
Revolve with the days
Or a carousel ride
Love does not work this way

Love can always be broken
And rebuilt like clay
It's not just black and white
In fact often it's gray
But it does not run off
Once it's here it should stay
Not a pendulum swing
Should not back and forth sway

You will love me tomorrow
Could care less today
It is something I did
Or perhaps did not say
A small piece of me dies
Each time you pull away
I'm left here asking 'why?'
On my knees I will pray

The light dying inside
Now a barely lit flame
Have my eyes opened wide
Before I was insane
I try taking the blame
You're the one who will stray
On this coaster we ride
Love's a game not to play

I won't breakdown and cry
Get unstable today
All my feelings have died
In your game I won't play
So I must waive goodbye
'Cause no longer I'll pay
I must do to survive
Love does not work this way

Love is a game
Causing sickness and pain
But even though most of us have lost
We play it again

But I can not lie
Don't ask me why
I'll pay the cost
And play till I die