I sat back in my chair, as I slowly raised my skirt, exposing my right thigh, all with a smile and a wink.

From across the room you glided, landing in the seat next to me, in a dimly lite room.

The whiskey on your tongue, though faint, is intoxicating.  The scent, heated by your breath, pales all truths.

As we leave to sojourn privately, I notice you watching each cheek rise to the occasion, while my stride picks up speed.

Whether you're here in the morning is insignificant to my appetite for sensation, so pardon me if I do not return your calls.  For one moment, (this moment)  - you mattered.

Help me forget all the
Times he held my universe
Together with a look into my eyes.
Help me change time,
So that the seconds don't scream his name.
Help me remove the scars he left all
Over my body, memories of caresses turned bruises, bruises that turned into hurt, pain that stayed as scars.
Help me love you, I'm begging you.

the day someone loves me unconditionally,
perhaps like my cat does...
i will know that it's
REAL.

i smiled & he rubbed his soft fur against me.
i laughed, loud, cackling  — out of breath  —
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i screamed in anger, i cursed, i banged doors.
i broke objects & felt the anger move through
my veins.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i clutched my stomach, unable to sleep.
anxiety running at an all time high.
eyes blood shot from a lack of sleep.
a nervous wreck i was.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i paid no attention to him,
burying my head in a ton of books
in an attempt to see A's on my report card.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i grabbed a razor & let it get acquainted with my skin.
i let it paint streaks of red lines
& form a red waterfall down my arms & thighs.
i grabbed a bottle of alcohol & downed it in one go,
with a bunch of pills in my hands.
i looked at him & said, "i hope somebody takes care of you when i'm gone."
& he titled his head
& rubbed his soft fur against me.

perhaps we all once knew how to love like animals,
unconditionally...
but it seems the older we get, the more brain capacity we acquire
as our heart's capacity to love decreases.

Sunday afternoons
When I'm finally alone
With myself again
And I can breathe
Like a normal human being,
When I take Edgar Allan Poe
Off the shelf
And sink into his words again.
Sunday afternoons
When I stop to watch a film,
A cheesy romantic comedy
About two beautiful kids
And no one will tell me
Not to laugh so loud
Or ask me why I'm crying
Such big, heavy tears.
Sunday afternoons
When I catch up:
Tweeze my brows,
Paint my nails,
Take a bath,
Maybe sing a song or two
Like I used to when I was still young
And he called me beautiful.
Sunday afternoons
When I sit on the couch,
Stare at the ceiling,
And dream of Adam
In the perfect quietness of the house,
Knowing that any minute
You'll be back,
Angry and penniless
With the smell of beer on your clothes
And not a dollar to your name.

So much I want to say but that old demon is there again holding my tongue in place.

So much I want to do, but that heavy ball and chain are causing me much strain.

See I don't  let my emotions get the best of me, but it's not my emotions that's the problem really.

It's the grip I hold on for tomorrow, head way in the clouds fill my reality with sorrow.

My negativity weigh me down, but a heavy head wears the crown.

I'm my own worst enemy; I fight wars and battles deep within me.

If I catch a glimpse  of my future,  I run and hide beneath the covers, afraid what fraction of my past may no longer be a mystery.

I bet I have lost enough ,
having worked a day to list ,
all the losses I already kissed ,
I believe I have lost enough .

the list is long,
I wonder how me it belongs ,
right from my willingness to risk,
I bet I have lost enough .

making myself courageous ,
to accepting the every single loss,
consoling myself to try one more ,
to losing again and again ,
I BET I LOST ENOUGH THIS FAR.

the season turned
sun into black dark
and we live, still
within the circle

Sitting beside her
Watching her slowly break to pieces
The only thing keeping her together
Were her thin calloused arms
Clasped tightly around her heaving chest
I couldn't bear it anymore

I love you...
I blurted out hastily
Before the significance of what I said could settle in
But I couldn't take them back
The words now stood between us
Floating in the silence of my confession
Her eyes widened and bloodshot
Arms wrapped tightly around herself
Hair left in a messy half tied bun

She sat just an arms distance away
And all I could was see beauty
In those runny kajal lined eyes
Coloured a warm shade of brown

I love you I specified once more
Her stumped silence more annoying now
But better, much better
Than one filled with her tears

I've loved everything about you I explain
More for my own sake than hers
For my mind could barely process such a confession

I love the way you dance to the corniest of songs
When you think no one can see you
I love how you spend an hour just figuring out makeup
Only to walk out with just lip balm gracing your face
I love how you try to dress ****
But would rather get married in a pair of boxers
I love how you're a ******* geek
But still can't resist an episode of Greys Anatomy

I love the contradiction you are
As changeable as the winds
But always steadfast when I need you
I love that awkward smile
I love that messy bun
I love those over sized t-shirts
I love that sarcastic mouth

You are not as weak as you believe
Your scars are what I love most
And how you show them off with pride to the world
Your imperfections make you perfect
And your...

Before I finished this sudden display of verbosity
She kissed me
Wrapping herself around me completely
For our imperfections we loved
And no person would make us erase our proud battle scars of life.

The fire ran wild
why did I allow it?
your eyes sparkled like sunlight on the waves
why did I believe it?

you started the fire
the furnace that spread far and wide
it even reached my stubborn heart-
which burned like a twig in a flame

then you disappeared
like a frightened bird that takes to the sky
you left me to deal
with the scorching heat alone
and afterwards the all consuming smoke

and even now
after the monsoon of tears
has flooded out memories of you
the burn marks remain
the scars even spell out your name.