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 Apr 2017
Rebel Heart
Well I'm crashing, barely breathing
The feeling I've lost all control
On the driver's seat, but who's driving?
I'm sitting slowly losing my soul

You told me it would get better
Told me to give it some time.
Is it time enough now though,
Now that I'm bleeding out in rhyme

Flipping over and over again
While broken shards of memories lost
Burn through my bleeding brain.

Crashing and turning over again
While sounds of sirens drown me out
Driving me insane

Yet the impossible promises never stop
"You're going to be okay"
I'm gasping and drowning for air
While you're begging me to stay

So close to the end
And I never felt more alive
I just took a shortcut out
Of this never-ending drive

"...in a major accident..."
And the voices are drowned out by chimes
Because the only mistake I ever made
Was struggling to live all this time

So what's so bad about that?
I'l never see the finish line
But there was nothing waiting for me there anyway
Except a simple "dead end" sign
A poem I dug up from about a year ago but still gets my feelings right today
(Front page 4/15/17)
 Apr 2017
Robyn
Time without
huuhh
The respirator
huuhh
Is good practice
huuhh
For the lungs
huuhh
But every breath
huuhh
Is still
huuhh
A ludicrous pain
You don't realize how long two weeks is until you spend it apart.
 Apr 2017
r
Some nights I lie awake
dreaming of a woman
who could make me want
to want to live another day
another year or maybe
just an hour or two
until dawn wraps her warm
arms around me once again.
 Apr 2017
Rebel Heart
Well life never goes as planned
And some dreams never meant to come true
So I'll forever be stuck in the sand
Though I just want to start anew.

A clean slate, A clean soul
With no past haunting me
A new name, A new goal
To live like I was meant to be.

No more bad decisions
No more stupid rhymes
No more dealing with feelings
Or any more tough times.

I'll keep my mouth shut this time
No sharing secrets or more pain
Be the perfect person I want to be
Not this broken girl gone insane.

Then maybe I can make her happy
That little girl stuck staring at the sky
And turn these useless words to something
So life could be more than a lie...
Part 3 sneak peak (unedited version) of my new lyrical journey collection "Destination: Life".
Please leave criticism, advice, ideas, or just stop by to say hi in the comments. If anyone would be interested in reading more parts of this, feel free to message me. :)
 Apr 2017
Rebel Heart
So sick of seeing familiar faces
So done with this whole joke.
So tired of the same old places
And these memories so broke.

Well you told me it'd get better
You sang it to me in rhyme.
But words can't make life sweeter
And I'm just stuck in time.

My plastic smiles have faded
My hope vanished somewhere.
The only option left is to run
To I don't know where.

Running away from myself
While trying to reach this goal
Never running fast enough
To escape out of this hole.

So tell her sorry for me
The little girl with so many dreams,
She just wanted to touch the stars
And not be so broken at the seams...
Part 1 sneak peak (unedited version) of my new lyrical journey collection "Destination: Life".
I dug up pieces of this believe it or not from middle-school me and decided to edit it and make it into a great collection.
Please leave criticism, advice, ideas, or just stop by to say hi in the comments.
On a distant summer
a girl walked four miles
to sell fruits at the haat
and mowed by the May heat
fell asleep on a patch of concrete.

The noon dusts played around her
sleep little girl rest your feet
the winds will play you a song
refresh you with dreams so sweet
the walk back home won't be long.


The sun had slid the shadows grown
when opened her dream dazed eyes
there she was at the haat all alone
her fruits in the basket had dried.

She had dreamed a round dime
clutched in her palm
colored gold with her wish

she had slept thru the time
and when the winds calmed
held nothing to buy home a fish.

Time has flown those dusts far away
years have grown her wise
yet when the winds blow lonely in May
her tears she cannot disguise.
Culled from real life, I thought of writing it for an adult mind, but ended up doing it for the child in me, or maybe, there's really no dividing line.
(Today I complete four years on HP, thanks to all my poet friends for being with me on the journey)
 Mar 2017
L B
This is a three-part, longer narrative poem, seen
as old photographs that follow the main character, My Aunt, Lillian Goldrick, across two decades.  It was written 30 years ago*
______

“Hey Kid!”     Part I

Photographs aren’t fair
stopping the soul where it’s not
in rectangular guffaws
surrounded by serrated edges, pickets, teeth?
to fence and stab in yellow, soft-covered booklets
with designated floppy phrase
“Your memories”

Happier than she could ever be...

A black and white day at Salisbury Beach, NH
hung over his hammock
Private pin-up girl
tilts her head against silver sheen of shoulder
Hair, dark chignon
except for a few wispy curls about her face
freed by wind
bleached by sun

Stopped

...for three decades
Legs slightly bent—long extended
that could stop trains, stop traffic

Stopped

Modest bathing suit, probably peach
cannot hide (not that she would)
the undeniable
And if there were question left
you could look at her smile—and love her
posed by he message scrawled in sand:

“Hey Kid!”

What kid? Where?
In the foreground?
In the camera’s eye?

In the background—
a Ferris wheel, a billboard
and  r-i-g-h-t  there—Can’t you see it?
Look again—behind her eyes
You can barely see it, but it’s there.
Remember?

The Depression
Only ten years before
It was April
Stroke, heart attack
Both of them gone, a year apart!
The priest came
Last Rites for mortally stricken
Candles, crucifix, the Catholic containment
of holy water that dams the tears

Kneeling around the bed
they said the Rosary

——————————

After VJ Day he came
to the house on the corner
of Commonwealth Ave.
She knew he was coming
but she could not be ready today
nor tomorrow
nor next week—or ever...

“Lill! Will ya come to the door?
She’ll be ready in a minute.
Hey Lill! Hurry up, will ya!
They’re waitin’ fer us!”

Upstairs in the dark hallway
her door clicks shut....
________


"Hey Kid"    Part II


The clock at Joe Rianni’s read 20 minutes to 12...

Crowd from the Phillip’s Theater—gone
though laughter lingers
in a Friday mood
in high-backed booths
where only an hour ago swinging free
were high-heeled shoes
legs crossed at knees....

Now on tables abandoned
deserted fields of French
fries lie cold in salt flurries

Only female straws wear lipstick
as do Luckys bent in ashtrays
Males, uniformly flattened
as powder burned, as mortar might
shells, casings—the evidence of war
Among explosions of tickled giggles
one was taken broadside...

listing     toward      stars
_______

...The clock read 20 minutes to 12

when she walked in--
And Rhea stopped swabbing black mica counters
long enough to absorb late-customer hate
and envy that such beauty can arouse
In voice hoarse and weighted like a trucker’s

“Whadaya have, Lill?”

“coffee”

The small answer settled at the soda fountain
and slowly struck a match...
She was falling from the slant
of her black felt hat
dripping off the point of pheasant feather
Gray gabardine suit
tailored from angle of shoulder
to dart diagonally
toward such a waist!
Turned to skirt hips
that arched and dove toward slit—
then seams that run the round of calf

that seem to flow
to ankles of naught—
...and all that seems

Black     high-heeled     above it

Coffee— cold, stale
Gray glassed-in stare
searches air and random walls
of coat hooks, menus, mirrors...
while lips ****** exiled words— replies

Dragging a demon from her Camel
slowly     purposefully
she exhaled a burly arm of smoke
that rose and laid its hand
against the ceiled atmosphere of embossed tin
Then leaning over her shoulder
in roiling emission of shrugs and sneers—

“Lill—There’s no way outa here!”
________


“Hey Kid!”    Part III

After kneeling backwards on their chairs
after nuns, catechism recited
After—
Five of them scuffed through leaves and litter
along the curbing
spotting cars that counted—
Bugs, beach wagons, flying bathtubs
A slower way home of hunting
shiny chestnuts and muddy finds
rare match book covers
and bottle caps that win ya things!

One breaks from bunch
and trials off to where
dimes turn to candies!
...at a dingy luncheonette...Joe Rianni’s
____

Here—behind smeary wall of glass
pleasure leers while holding back
those grimy fingers, lips that long
for jelly fish, gum drops, lollies
holding back the company
of Baby Ruth, and Mary Jane
O Henry or Bazooka Joe!
For less money but the same salivation
there were colored dots to chew and ****
from strips of paper that last forever!
For a little more, plus the sweet struggle
of desire denied
a kid could be proud owner
of a pea shooter or trading cards!
While in the mouth
were golden imaginings—
the chocolate foil of coins
and the candied pretense of cigarette adulthood
_____

Rhea didn’t see her in the line...

Only grownups with wallets and purses
Only grownups get waited on...
...because Rhea was a Gypsy!
Kids could tell!
by her big red lips and hair to match
by the nasty way she chased them out—
“****** kids!”
Only grownups get waited on....
_______

And the clock read 20 minutes to 12

While a child waits—
time stirs in a ceiling fan
   There’s a drift in attention
      along deepening endless walls
         toward a line of sleepy booths
              carved with

“I was here—in such and such a year”

Her aunt—at the last stool—like always
Their names too close
Confused too often

A little girl wonders
about the sight behind the sightless stare
loafers, ankle socks, the ‘40s hair
the gathered skirt that gathers ashes
as they fall from cigarette
held in yellowed fingertips
Tremors crimp the smoke that climbs—

              ...a strobing pillar

“Whataya want, girly?”

              ...the only movement

“Hey! What’s it gonna be!”

              ...in a shot—

“HEY KID!”

              Snapped
There are photos that go with this. I'll try to post them together on Facebook.
 Mar 2017
Rebel Heart
Settling back into the rhythm
Of our heart's beating rhyme
Hoping we can work again,
But something's off this time...

We were perfect for eachother
But that was before I was broken
Into little shards of nothingness
While my feelings were left unspoken...

Yet like a hero you came for me
To pick up my metallic remains.
To put me back together
And free me of these chains...

But sweetheart I wish you then knew
That paper that's wrinkled and ripped too
Can't be put back together by glue
And I'm a broken machine missing a *****...

Now every tick of the tock
And every beat of your heart
Just keeps reminding me that
We're closer to falling apart...

You thought you could save me
But I'm an unfixable machine
Now we're just clinging on to
Nothing but a hopeless dream...

Yet while you'll soon move on
And find a better fit
I'll shrivel up and die
Alone in this deep little pit...
Not finished but fragments of this came to me and I had to put it to words. Hopefully I'll go back and edit this soon. This poem really doesn't have much to do with a clock but every time I read through it I find more versions of what these words could mean in a metaphorical sense. I guess words are powerful and beautiful yet so broken in that way...
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