I am the clown
In this town.

To where i am the center
Of their teasing
And jokes
As if they never see me
Frown.

All they see is my
Joker's hat,
That everything
They throw
At me
Never hurts.

I guess that's all i
Ever be...

Perhaps it's my fault
For letting them think
That way,
I never fight
A war between egos.

Silence and smiles
Are all i ever
Masked
Myself...

I became your favorite obsession
I wondered if my last hour had come.
I am not alive until you called,
In an hour or two my cell phone becomes as hot as I am.
Take me, break me, I can’t be obedient,

I want to feel whole again…
without looking over my shoulder.
Oh my wounded and troubled heart
My soul is in deep anguish,
Without this forceful conquest

Within my eyes, jealousy wedge deep
Because of my self-critical thoughts,
My early rejections, my feeling, thoughts and action:

Our grandmother’s words came to be fulfilled
“An old fashion botheration,
   My indulgence from my past,
This led to an old fashion romance,
That wasn’t resolved then or now.

Take this kiss from my lip
And in return take off your glasses
and let me see your weary eyes
You are not wrong, my jealousy is a disease

If life had be kinder to us,
I would have been yours,
And you would have been mine.
I would have been the slave to you,

I stood by the window, and stare down at couples walking by
holding hands and I thought about them and I think about us:
Making further plans and I waved my hand to them
and smile because love is a lie.

heart of darkness encounter of lies
I have paid my dues, I settled my tithes.

How can I tell my heart to stop loving him?
I became his favorite obsession, now he’s mine
Take me, break me, I can’t be obedient,
I want to feel whole again, my friend

My wounded and troubled heart,
My soul is in deep anguish,
without this forceful conquest
So why do I weep in my sleep?

My God of refuge, what was the hidden truth?
I played with fire, and now I am burnt.

i have nothing left except my breath
a sunset means another night to obsess
we are all only vessels in distress
sending out our best S.O.S

i ask "in death can i progress"?
can the dead truly be heavenly blessed?
will i pass the test without regrets?
or is this as good as it ever gets?

As I sit here with a hangover from pride and devious assumptions;
I see where my downfall began-

          University Café at 8:24 pm:
I saw the way she looked at you- a second too long with a twinkle in her eye.
I could have sworn you gazed longingly back, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
You told me she was a study partner from class, so I dropped the subject of the matter.

                 Your dorm room at 12:37 am
I thought I would surprise you with a late night gift, but I was the one surprised seeing “her” there.
You claimed you both were just studying and talking about absolutely nothing, but how could I believe that? I refused to be the fool.

                                Your friends dorm room at 12:52 am
I sensed the way he looked at me behind your back.
I cried on his shoulder; loosening him up with my seductive skullduggery.
I then let him consume in your late night surprise.

                                                   Present  1:13 pm
My assumptions have departed, but guilt has risen in its place.
You rush for me still trying to reconcile last night’s misunderstanding, and I finally see your truth;
but I’m too ashamed to divulge mines to you.

How many bodies are floating down the river
How many
Where do they go on that lonely journey
That final destination
Till they’re found
Is it you
What went wrong
Your final thoughts
Was it for yourself
Someone close
Maybe just the release of pain
What went through your mind on that lonely walk
Was there anyway back
Was there
Who knows what went through your mind
Your thoughts
When you climbed onto the bridge
Was there anyway back
I suppose not
Did the water take your pain
Take it all away
I hope so
I really do.

I choose
not to step out
in front of the
oncoming truck
like some flighty
whitetail deer
beside a lonely highway
flat-lining through the Badlands

I hold the perimeter
respect the irrevocable
delineations of love
honor the ground
that roots
evergreen
place my trust
in lapis blue

A bottle of wine
ordinary cheese
the foreboding of
the evening breeze

Soft honest words
murmured across the station
And silence for
contemplation

Another slice
another drip
As your mind
begins to slip

Across time
across the rhyme
What's real
so intertwined

I can't remember how
to make blue

Within this colossal concrete tomb
the shadows of the workers loom
their vanquished voices engulf the night
for few have knowledge of their plight
some fell to their death
while the walls were poured
their screams unheard
as the mixture roared
some walked this oasis
before the white man's hand
bloodied the soil
and defiled the land
they acknowledged the spirits
and respected the earth
then fell to the edict
and their ruler's mirth
within these walls of needless death
where souls remain forlorn
the cries of many will tear your heart
should you stay to hear them mourn

Inspired by the 'Ghosthunters'episode: Flooded Souls